Post a funny joke or else you are one of those dweebs that wear pleated pants

[SirHumper]

A hot sexy blonde with nice tits was invited to a party. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if men hit on her.

Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a man starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off."

So off she went. After a little while at the party, a man started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and squeezing her tits. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?" The guy found some excuse and disappeared.

Sometime later, the same thing happened again: another guy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off too.

Later on, another man invited her for a walk in the garden. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?"

He continued, and slowly started taking her clothes off.

"What will our baby be called?" she asked once more.

He put his dick deep into her tight little pussy and started fucking her hard.

"What will our baby be called?!" she asked again.

After he came, he took off his condom full of cum, gave it a knot, and said,

"If the motherfucker gets out of this one... Houdini!

http://www.sinfulcurves.com/Link/SPM/PL2ArynneTiller.html

 

[assari]

Art exhibition

A man sees a woman who looks painting.

The man says to woman: "Very beautiful woman looks the ugly painting"

The woman says: "I did it"


(Toyota ad)

 

[mokbel69]

A guy hosts an emotion party where people dress up as different emotions. Lots of people arrive in green for envy, red for angry, blue for sadness, etc.
Then there is a knock on the door a few minutes later and the guy opens the door to see a guy stark naked holding a bowl of custard with his penis resting in it.
The guy is taken aback and says 'Mate I don't know what your problem is, but I think you have the wrong house!'
The naked guy is a bit surprised and asks 'This is the place for the emotion party isn't it?'
To which the host says reluctantly 'Yes it is........I'm almost afraid to ask, what the hell have you come as??!!'
To which the naked guy responds 'I am fucking disgusted!'

 

[SirHumper]

Nancy, would ya care to meet my friend One-Eyed Willie? He’d like to explore your briny deep! Yar!

http://affiliates.playboyplus.com/g...-0?nats=adultfree.6.1023.1069.0.8020220.0.0.0

 

[SirHumper]

Q: What is a vagina?

A: The box a penis comes in.

 

[SirHumper]

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance. Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.

She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her tits at maturity of a 12 years old.

He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much and likes small titties.

Jim said “I too have a problem. My dick is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.”

Sandy said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.”

Sandy and Jim got married.

Jim was so horny he could not wait any longer so he whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and he started kissing, touching and holding her close.

As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!

Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.

Sandy said, “You told me your fuckin' penis was the size of an infant!”

Jim said “Yes it is baby: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!”

 

[SirHumper]

Felicia receives advice from her mother.

Felicia’s Mom: If that horny SOB Humper tries to squeeze your titties and suck your nipples say "don't."

And if he tries to put his hard cock in your tight little pussy say "fuckin’ stop"?

Felicia: But mom, he did both last night so I said "don’t fuckin’ stop!"

http://barechicks.net/playboy4/feliciataylor/

 

[SirHumper]

Sex with Tracy is like math:

Add Tracy,

Subtract her clothes,

Divide her legs,

And pray you don’t multiply.

 

[mokbel69]

In the Navy, what separates the men from the boys?

A crowbar.

 

[SirHumper]

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion.

God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to
take care of them. She will not nag you, and she will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and she will freely give love and compassion
whenever needed."

Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"

 

[SirHumper]

Three women were at the doctor's office for the second trimester checkup.

The first woman, a brunette, said that she was sure that she would have a girl because when she made love to her husband, she was on top ridding is cock for all she’s worth!

The second woman, a redhead affirmed with certainty that she would have a boy, because she was on the bottom in the missionary position getting fucked senseless.

The third woman, a cute blonde grabbed her head with her hands and said…. "Oh, shit! I’m going to have fuckin’ puppies."

 

[SirHumper]

Q: What did the horny quarterback say to the naughty blonde cheerleader?

A: Do you like to draw baby? (Yeah why?) Cuz I put the fuckin’ D in Raw.

 

[SirHumper]

Bubba dies in a fire and his body is pretty badly burned. The morgue sends for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, to identify [NOBABE]the body[/NOBABE].

Daryl arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet, Daryl says, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolls him over, and Daryl says, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thinks this is strange. Then he brings Gomer in to identify [NOBABE]the body[/NOBABE]. Gomer takes a look at the face and says, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asks, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?!" exclaims the mortician.

"Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

 

[SirHumper]

A husband walked into the bedroom and found his wife with another man.

“What the hell is going on here?” he asked. “Who is this man?”

“That’s a fair question,” his wife responded.

Then turning to the naked man fucking her doggy style, she asked, “What the fuck is your name?”

 

[SirHumper]

A man goes to a supermarket and notices an attractive young woman with nice tits smiling at him.

She says hello.

He’s rather taken back because he can’t place where he knows her from.

So he says, “Do you know me?”

To which she replies “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

Now his mind travels back to a time when he was unfaithful to his wife and says,

“Are you the broad from the bachelor party that I fucked twice on the pool table with all my buddies watching?

She looks into his eyes and says calmly,

“No asshole, I’m your son’s fuckin’ teacher.”

 

[Supafly]

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town."

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was swe-e-et!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off.

Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me..."

Finally the guy interrupts: "Go home, Dad - you're drunk!"

 

[Jack Davenport]

Q: What does a hot sexy blonde babe and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?

A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

:1orglaugh

 

[SirHumper]

“And will there be anything else sir?” The bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.

“No thank you.” The gentleman replied. “That will be all.”

As the bellboy turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful naked blonde with nice tits and a cute little ass crawling into bed.

“Anything for your wife? He asked.

“Yeah! That’s a good idea.” The fellow said.

“Please bring up a postcard.”

http://www.a-tribute-to.com/years/2008/cgow01/w03_felicia_taylor/index4.html

 

[Jack Davenport]

SirHumper >>>>>>>Jackie Martling

 

[Supafly]

Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy -- right away, you have something in common. So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and trolling on a porn forum.