Post a funny joke or else you are one of those dweebs that wear pleated pants

[Harpsman]

Merry Christmas

 

[SirHumper]

Jim says to a Julie, "So, sex at my place tonight?"
"Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a fuckin' bunk bed with my younger brother,
and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code.
Cheese means go faster and tomato means harder, okay?"
Later on Julie is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!"
The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches!
You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

 

[SirHumper]

“A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are sitting at a bar complaining about their lives.
The cucumber says, "My life sucks. I'm put in salads, and, to top them off, they pour ranch dressing all over me. My life sucks."
The pickle says, "That's nothing compared to my life. I'm put in vinegar and stored away for months, out of sight. Man, my life is boring.
"So the penis says, "What are you guys complaining about? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself.
They constantly wrap me in a plastic bag, shove me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up." ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”

 

[SirHumper]

“It is a sin to put it in me, but it's a shame to fuckin' pull it out."

 

[SirHumper]

“What's the fuckin' difference between sin and shame?”

 

[SirHumper]

Q: What do you call a woman who loves small dicks Julie?

A: Hopefully your fuckin’ girlfriend.

 

[SirHumper]

Julie, What do you do if your wife starts smoking?

“Shit, slow down and possibly use some fuckin' lubricant.”

 

[SirHumper]

A pretty young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist.
"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded.
"It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him.
We fuck all night and then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist.
"And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."

"FUCK NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

 

[SirHumper]

A man walks into a crowded local bar brandishing a revolver yelling “Who’s been fucking my wife?”

A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, “You don’t have enough ammo, mate!”

 

[assari]

What did the Knight Rider say when he first time saw Kitt?

Answer:

"Can I put my monkey in your exhaust pipe?"

 

[SirHumper]

Why do blonde chicks have cum in their navels?

Because blonde guys aren't too bright either.

 

[SirHumper]

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to Humper on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

"Last night I made love to my wife three times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife four times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."

When Humper remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your favorite girl Felicia last night?"

"Once," Humper replied.

"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"

"Don't fuckin’ stop."

 

[SirHumper]

Q: What did the Humper’s dick say to the condom?

A: Cover me, I’m going in Felicia’s tight little pussy.

 

[SirHumper]

Felicia's, bra and panties were strewed,
By Humper that left her quite nude;
He whipped out his dong,
And unless I am wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.

 

[SirHumper]

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?

A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

 

[SirHumper]

"Felicia called me "Superman" when we were in bed."

"How flattering!"

"Not really! she meant that I was faster than a speeding bullet."

 

[SirHumper]

If a man talks dirty to a woman, that's sexual harassment.

If a woman talks dirty to a man, that'll be $6.50 a fuckin' minute.

 

[SirHumper]

There is only 4 inches distance between 2 holes.

Always select the right one.

 

[Supafly]

A mexican magician tells the audience that he will count to three and disappear.

He counts, "Uno, dos, ..."

He disappeared without a tres.

 

[meesterperfect]

A mexican magician tells the audience that he will count to three and disappear.

He counts, "Uno, dos, ..."

He disappeared without a tres.

^
Ha!

What did the Mexican Fireman name his twin sons?

Hose A and Hose B.