The Big10 is a laughingstock. We suck brontosaurus balls. We should play our cheerleaders instead. Someone should make a movie about us and call it, We Are Marginal. High school teams study films of us to show how NOT to tackle. People everywhere have invented new swear words using the names of our athletic directors. God has declared Heaven off limits to the Midwest. When we play teams from other conferences, they sell tickets by the pound. The NCAA is considering putting us in our own separate conference and calling it "The Pansy Division." Gerald Ford once regretted ever having defecated anywhere near the University Of Michigan. At our stadiums, instead of selling T-shirts and programs, we sell masks and cyanide.
Sparty?