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Hey Spoonie. How are ya?

I'll give you an update... :pulls penis out of shorts: MMWWWUAHAHAHAAA!!! Oh, and this thread can be grouped in with the "My First Facial" thread I just looked at and put into the "Nobody Believes You" file.

I agree with that. Just walk into a bar, go up to a slut and ask her what music she listens to. I'm willing to bet that that most of them will have the same answer.

Can we make a section for threads like these? Seriously, does anybody believe any of the stories like this that they read on this forum? Even if it really did happen, hardly anybody is going to believe it. You want a believable story? Try this... I woke up this morning with a bunch of ****...

Big Leauge Chew and 5th Avenues. Oh God, I want them right now. Not to eat, but to have sex with.

No amount of money can end world hunger. Nobody on the face of the earth has the discipline that it would take in order to solve such a problem. Exactly. Whoever would be responsible for distributing the food would have to go to each and every mile of earth, hunting for starving people...

Wow, they had to study a whole TWENTY ONE guys to figure this out? What's next on their agenda... Do men really like boobies?

I think that chimpanzee took it literally when he overheard that lady say "I'm glad I got that monkey off my back", and thought that she was looking for another primate to take it's place.

I once worked with a guy who looked like the lead singer of Mott the Hoople.

Can I be "that" guy? Yeeeeeah, I'll be "that" guy... Heartbreak... :violins:

Dude, where can I get that medical coverage? Someone else to jack my weiner around? I want that.

As usual, I masturbated on Valentine's Day. Sadly, once again, no one was there to help me.

That's true. In fact, most of the people that are protecting our borders from ******* immigrants are originally from Mexico. Ironic, huh?

Walter Payton is the greatest sportsman of any sport. The Man of the Year award is named after him in the NFL because he was such a great sportsman, on and off the field.

The only thing that salt doesn't make taste better is plain water.

I actually had sex with my mail carrier today. And, in case you were wondering, yes...he was very gentle. It was almost as if he had a lot of experience handling packages. :laugh track:

I noticed that too. Is FreeOnes trying to make the website look like a newborn baby boy's bedroom? That's what it feels like and it...it just feels wrong. Sooooo wrong.

Canned ravioli and the rat turds that come with it.

Is riding me like a race *****?

No, I don't go to Facebook. ...reeeeeally wished that you had my balls in your mouth?

I **** that I'm going to say this, because I **** how our country helps other countries so much and ignores our own problems most of the time, BUT... America is America because we take care of others first. Our whole entire country is made up of immigrants from other countries. If we said...

Bad things happen to bad people all the time. You just hardly ever hear about it. You only hear about the bad things that happen to good people, so you think that only good people suffer.

We can bitch about how it looks all we want to...we're still eating the ****.

In processed food, salt is actually hardly ever used for seasoning. It's a hardcore preservative and gives food a longer shelf life. It also helps decrease moisture, which helps to prevent certain foodborne illnesses from entering the food. Let's put it this way... Everything you eat from a...

Step One: Take balls out of mouth Step Two: Talk It's not the other way around.

Utah is a pot of sexual lust. Most people don't know this, but the capital of Idaho, Boise, is actually short for it's original name, Boysemensuretastesdeliciousville. They changed the name for obvious reasons.

What about a FreeOnes sock that I can blow a wad into?

Oh God. First there's Putin, now Obama? Who's next, Jesus H. Christ?

You know what the irony of this TOPLESS coffee shop is? I bet they make sure to put a lid on all of their cups of coffee.

Does this really surprise you? Everybody hates police officers no matter what they do. The difference is that ambulances and police officers are allowed to speed, by law, in emergency scenarios. Normal citizens aren't. It was a stupid comparison though. That's like saying a doctor should...

That's because you've dated nothing but mutes. :drum roll:

Thanks. :) Am I reading that correctly though...even if a doctor doesn't believe in abortions or doesn't want to perform the procedure, they have to now? Or else, they can be discriminated against?

Am I the only one who got a massive erection when Jericho clowned Steamboat on Monday? Aww, that was good ****.

Thanks buddy. Glad to be back. How have things been?

I know we've butted heads, but I couldn't have said it better myself. God forbid Obama ever eat an Oreo. All Hell might break loose. :rolleyes:

That was a little uncalled for. Jesus, I mean...yeah, she kinda kicked her shoe at him, but that doesn't warrant a punch to the face.

I've always been a lefty. I do everything else with my right hand. Eh, I mean, I occasionally finger a boog with my left hand, but I'm definitely not good at it.

I don't really get it. Is this saying that doctors don't have a choice as to if they want to perform an abortion procedure now?

First of all, you are comparing two totally different fields of work. Second of all, if you are a landscaper with a degree in botany and have 5 years of experience and you still can't get a job that pays you more than $7/HR, you should prooooobably consider a career change. We can blame...

Green Day made a song about this: Nice Guys Finish Last It's a decent song, but more importantly, it's not lying.

Ahh, I missed this. :bats freshly curled eyelashes:

I wouldn't pay attention to golf if the clubs were Mandy Moore's hands and the balls were my balls.

I don't know if this is a big deal or not, but I just found out that I have to wait 60 seconds between sending PMs for some odd reason. Sooooo, just throoooowin' it out theeeeere...

Grab a 10" cucumber. Cut it down to 8.5". Throw that out. See that tiny little 1.5" piece that still have sitting on the counter? Yeeeeeah, that's still bigger than me.

When was Larry King in Kenya?

How did I MISS this? I've watched Conan for years and I missed his FINAL SHOW? God, I am such a cock gobbler.

So, he's under DOGhouse arrest? :drum roll:

Baseball and football. Baseball more than football, but football more than ice dancing. NOT that I ice danced. If I did, I'd never admit it. :uohs:

This doesn't effect anybody here. He's putting a cap on their salary, and their salary alone, just so they don't give themselves millions of dollars worth of bonuses, even though they are ****** out for financial help.

There is a 93.7% chance that you own a van with no windows on it. Also, if said van is owned, there is a 100% chance that is contains a slightly used rake inside of it.