Mine is actually supposed to be WainKerr99 but I didn't want to push it. (Me, not pushing it - that's a first).
Its a whole lot better than CMABzk92u, which it was before.
One day on a distant hill above the legendary city of Katmandu, I was stumbling on the tiny little path that leads to the topmost peak of the Oracle Priesthood, the group who guide into wisdom those who make the journey alone with a pure and untainted heart.
I was suddenly pushed out of the way by a couple of local townspeople hurrying by, carrying an enormous wickerbasket full of local fruits and vegetables from the fields down below.
They shouted something that sounded like "Wankker." Anyway, I continued until I collapsed exhausted at the feet of the Great One at the top of the stairs leading up to the Temple. After kneeling quietly before him for a week, he finally spoke.
He said one word, "Wanker."
I looked up surprised, but could see by his expression he had nothing to add.
So, I stumbled my weary way down back to the fabled city.
Again I was bumped aside by the two busy citizens who shouted "Wankker" at me as they trotted by.
That night, I had troubled dreams. They were of great dragons and mystical Griffons that flew around a castle. On the top of the turrets it seemed were engraved in gold lettering the words Wanker. Weird.
Well, on the way home, I spotted a flock of geese flying in a perfect W formation.
I began to believe someone was trying to tell me something.
No, it wasn't to shut up and stop writing this drivel.
The name of the assistant at the airport was Wayne or Waine. The porter at the hotel had the name Wayne. I kept seeing Kerr Smith popping up on TV. I was booked into room 99.
Plus, I am genuinely sort of obsessed with the number 9.
That night, as I lay on the roof of the hotel gazing at the stars, I saw a big WAINKERR amongst them
The taxi driver's name was Wayne.
When I got back to America some big dude called Wayne smashed his fist into my face at a bar.
That is when it occurred to me.