that was the stupidest thing ive ever heard you crazy asshole
Need some ex-girlfriend advice
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that was the stupidest thing ive ever heard you crazy asshole
Will E Worm
Conspiracy...
Then wake up one morning and wonder why it burns when you pee.
Or, worse. :hatsoff:
If I tell a guy Im not ready for a relationship, that means I'm ready for one with someone else or I just want to go mess around with people but I'm more of the blunt type. She may or may not be with the guy she's walking with, but you guys were together for 2years and something changed with her. Now chasing after her will not help at all but only annoy her and make you look needy. Honestly, the best thing you can do is act like you don't care but stay friendly if you run into her. That way, she will be thinking what the hell am I not good enough for him now? And that is the way to get a girl back sometimes. Now if it does not phase her at all, then you know it's over. It sucks and it's sad but it's life. Sorry
Great advice.
One other thing. If a woman dumps you or gives you the "I'm not ready for a relationship", I guarantee you she isn't alone. Attractive women are like monkeys navigating through a jungle. They have the next vine secured before they let go of the other.
Guys shouldn't worry about what women say they want or what women say their type is or women's personal situation (busy, family problems) or whether they have a boyfriend. I don't even ask. They can tell me if they want and I'll tell them to call me when that changes.
On to the next girl.
Many women in relationships are in lousy ones. I guarantee you this guy who is probably going out with your girlfriend didn't ask. I'll also guarantee you she was attracted to him so she didn't tell him either.
You are either creating strong attraction with a particular woman or you are at her mercy for stuff like this happening. That rule still applies in a relationship too. Divorces are mostly initiated by women and always because the woman isn't satisfied.
Forget this one and go create some magic with a few and let them compete over you. Your heartache will fade fast.
Well someone had to say it, I guess a noob is the best person to do so.
Thank you sir, for telling the rest of the board exactly what they were all thinking :hatsoff:
Although when you dont get when Im taking the piss is your problem but as time passes you will get it and you will learn to ignore it.
Yours faithfully
BlueBalls
This whole "percent" non-sense (continued) ...
I understand what he meant in response to the other poster.
But it's all arbitrary bullshit, kinda out of the movies, or that "give 110%" non-sense.
Chef hit it on the nose, and the whole "holding back" v. "not holding anything back" is something I really never understood.
Would I feel like shit if my wife was killed or left me? Dumb question, it's obvious.
But do I have to debate whether I love her only 90% in case she cheats on me, or 100% to the point that ... ?
Again, doesn't make any sense to me in any case.
In fact, you're over-simplifying it just like the whole "percentage" non-sense.
By "holding back" do you mean ...
- They expect to be dumped at some point? And they are just ready at any time?
Or, possibly ...
- They don't treat them as nice as they would at ... well, "100%" or whatever?
Or something else?
If you want to get all "mathematical" on it, then what you're saying it that there's only variable "x".
The reality is that any realtionship, and how people approach it, is more than just one variable.
And the variables change based on the person, experiences, their lovers, etc...
That's why this is all non-sense in my book.
"Holding back," again, means what? No one defined that!
To some, it's purposely preventing themselves from being as attached as in the past.
For some people, they attach very tight, more than others, so their "90%" might be different than others.
And that's just 1 variable.
And from other angles, "90%" might mean they "don't care" to bother with the person or their feelings 10% of the time.
Is that unhealthy? It depends on what that means.
Does it mean that they have 1 or 2 days a week where they "go out without them?"
Or does it mean, "hey, she's irrational on this 10%, so I have to ignore her."
Honestly, as someone who has been with the same woman for 15 years, that 10% is real.
If my wife didn't and I didn't just take 10% of our reactions and just see them as "over-reactions," oh hell, we'd fight far, far more!
So, I could easily define my dedication to marriage as only "90%" plenty of times.
My wife could do the same, and that's why I don't really care about the "quantity" without the "quality" in the definition.
Doesn't mean I'm not honest with my wife 100% of the time.
Doesn't mean I don't care about how something would affect my wife 100% of the time.
But sometimes I'm not dedicated 100% to my wife in everything I do, because it would drive her nuts if I did, and vice-versa.
Not everyone's "values" are the same. In fact, the worst thing someone can do is be less than honest about what they, themselves want in a relationship. I'd much rather a guy or gal be honest about that, and not give into the peer/parental/whatever pressure of, "oh, but you have to agree to do this" as some absolute value.
If someone doesn't want to commit to something, then either decide if they are worth it or not. If not, then so be it. It wasn't meant to be. People want open relationships? So be it, leave if you don't like it. Values and commitments aren't "absolute," they only need to be "understand" and put forth "honestly" from the get-go.
Honesty is far more important. Not merely for the consideration of the other person, but so you don't wake up one day and say, "you know honey, I really never wanted this."
There is no "right" or "wrong" to any relationship other than honesty in my book. And the absolute worst thing is to be dishonest to yourself, because it destroys everything else, including the people you care for most.
That was my point, and I'm sorry bodie missed it.
I understand what he meant in response to the other poster.
But it's all arbitrary bullshit, kinda out of the movies, or that "give 110%" non-sense.
Chef hit it on the nose, and the whole "holding back" v. "not holding anything back" is something I really never understood.
Would I feel like shit if my wife was killed or left me? Dumb question, it's obvious.
But do I have to debate whether I love her only 90% in case she cheats on me, or 100% to the point that ... ?
Again, doesn't make any sense to me in any case.
I don't think it's that at all.
In fact, you're over-simplifying it just like the whole "percentage" non-sense.
By "holding back" do you mean ...
- They expect to be dumped at some point? And they are just ready at any time?
Or, possibly ...
- They don't treat them as nice as they would at ... well, "100%" or whatever?
Or something else?
If you want to get all "mathematical" on it, then what you're saying it that there's only variable "x".
The reality is that any realtionship, and how people approach it, is more than just one variable.
And the variables change based on the person, experiences, their lovers, etc...
That's why this is all non-sense in my book.
"Holding back," again, means what? No one defined that!
To some, it's purposely preventing themselves from being as attached as in the past.
For some people, they attach very tight, more than others, so their "90%" might be different than others.
And that's just 1 variable.
And from other angles, "90%" might mean they "don't care" to bother with the person or their feelings 10% of the time.
Is that unhealthy? It depends on what that means.
Does it mean that they have 1 or 2 days a week where they "go out without them?"
Or does it mean, "hey, she's irrational on this 10%, so I have to ignore her."
Honestly, as someone who has been with the same woman for 15 years, that 10% is real.
If my wife didn't and I didn't just take 10% of our reactions and just see them as "over-reactions," oh hell, we'd fight far, far more!
So, I could easily define my dedication to marriage as only "90%" plenty of times.
My wife could do the same, and that's why I don't really care about the "quantity" without the "quality" in the definition.
Doesn't mean I'm not honest with my wife 100% of the time.
Doesn't mean I don't care about how something would affect my wife 100% of the time.
But sometimes I'm not dedicated 100% to my wife in everything I do, because it would drive her nuts if I did, and vice-versa.
What do people mean by "limiting" a commitment? That's what I don't understand.
Not everyone's "values" are the same. In fact, the worst thing someone can do is be less than honest about what they, themselves want in a relationship. I'd much rather a guy or gal be honest about that, and not give into the peer/parental/whatever pressure of, "oh, but you have to agree to do this" as some absolute value.
If someone doesn't want to commit to something, then either decide if they are worth it or not. If not, then so be it. It wasn't meant to be. People want open relationships? So be it, leave if you don't like it. Values and commitments aren't "absolute," they only need to be "understand" and put forth "honestly" from the get-go.
Honesty is far more important. Not merely for the consideration of the other person, but so you don't wake up one day and say, "you know honey, I really never wanted this."
True. That's the one true thing. At the same time, different people have different values. Sometimes they are compatible. Sometimes they are not.
There is no "right" or "wrong" to any relationship other than honesty in my book. And the absolute worst thing is to be dishonest to yourself, because it destroys everything else, including the people you care for most.
That's the reality of it all ...
I know a lot of gals (and guys) like to tell that "little white lie" that "I'm not ready for a relationship." They do it because they "don't want to upset the person" possibly because they "don't know what they'll do." But if that person is really "that bad," is it going to be "any better" if they find out later (if not "far worse")?
Again, it's always best to be honest. Soften it if you will, but just be honest. You don't love someone like you used to, say it. Don't try to dance around it. Don't even say, "we can still be friends" as if it's some consolation prize from a game show. Seriously. Just say it, and let everything else define where you go from there, mutually (or not if it comes to that).
The often "act like you don't care" is really all about "I care, but I don't want to bother you with it." That's the important thing. If you don't bother her with it, she'll either A) appreciate it, or B) cop an attitude "hey, you don't care any more, why?" and that's really on her, especially if you tell her, "I care, but I don't want to bother you with it, I'm here if you want me, but you wanted to move on."
Maturity is about not reacting to someone else's immaturity, or possibly meeting them on the same level of maturity. Over-reacting is what too many people do. It's easy to get self-absorbed with being dumped, and going through tons of "what-ifs" from both before and after. It all happened for a reason, you can't change it, all you can do is go forward.
I never had a steady lover for more than 6 months before my wife, so I don't know what 2 years feels like. Most were only a month or so, if that, and no one else more than 2 months for that matter. I was a bit crushed by that girlfriend of 6 months, she lied, wasn't honest, and was having sex while we were together with her boyfriend to be. I analyzed it and realized, "I'm not getting upset about what issues she has with her honesty."
If there is one thing I do know after I got dumped by that girlfriend of 6 months, I went and jacked like a motherfucker to Petra Verkaik's centerfold -- for 2 weeks straight, enough I was sore. I unleashed a shitload of lust. Some would call that pathetic. I exited that whole episode realizing I loved hourglass brunettes, and suddenly found my entire life changed. In fact, I had lusted for two blondes since junior high, and suddenly didn't give them a second thought of trying to win them over any more.
Find your happiness. It's not always what you think it is. In fact, sometimes we can be so influenced by our friends, their opinions and the media and "society views" that we miss the obvious of the truth. What we really want ourselves.
That's the reality of it all.If I tell a guy Im not ready for a relationship, that means I'm ready for one with someone else or I just want to go mess around with people but I'm more of the blunt type. She may or may not be with the guy she's walking with, but you guys were together for 2years and something changed with her. Now chasing after her will not help at all but only annoy her and make you look needy. Honestly, the best thing you can do is act like you don't care but stay friendly if you run into her. That way, she will be thinking what the hell am I not good enough for him now? And that is the way to get a girl back sometimes. Now if it does not phase her at all, then you know it's over. It sucks and it's sad but it's life. Sorry
I know a lot of gals (and guys) like to tell that "little white lie" that "I'm not ready for a relationship." They do it because they "don't want to upset the person" possibly because they "don't know what they'll do." But if that person is really "that bad," is it going to be "any better" if they find out later (if not "far worse")?
Again, it's always best to be honest. Soften it if you will, but just be honest. You don't love someone like you used to, say it. Don't try to dance around it. Don't even say, "we can still be friends" as if it's some consolation prize from a game show. Seriously. Just say it, and let everything else define where you go from there, mutually (or not if it comes to that).
The often "act like you don't care" is really all about "I care, but I don't want to bother you with it." That's the important thing. If you don't bother her with it, she'll either A) appreciate it, or B) cop an attitude "hey, you don't care any more, why?" and that's really on her, especially if you tell her, "I care, but I don't want to bother you with it, I'm here if you want me, but you wanted to move on."
Maturity is about not reacting to someone else's immaturity, or possibly meeting them on the same level of maturity. Over-reacting is what too many people do. It's easy to get self-absorbed with being dumped, and going through tons of "what-ifs" from both before and after. It all happened for a reason, you can't change it, all you can do is go forward.
I never had a steady lover for more than 6 months before my wife, so I don't know what 2 years feels like. Most were only a month or so, if that, and no one else more than 2 months for that matter. I was a bit crushed by that girlfriend of 6 months, she lied, wasn't honest, and was having sex while we were together with her boyfriend to be. I analyzed it and realized, "I'm not getting upset about what issues she has with her honesty."
If there is one thing I do know after I got dumped by that girlfriend of 6 months, I went and jacked like a motherfucker to Petra Verkaik's centerfold -- for 2 weeks straight, enough I was sore. I unleashed a shitload of lust. Some would call that pathetic. I exited that whole episode realizing I loved hourglass brunettes, and suddenly found my entire life changed. In fact, I had lusted for two blondes since junior high, and suddenly didn't give them a second thought of trying to win them over any more.
Find your happiness. It's not always what you think it is. In fact, sometimes we can be so influenced by our friends, their opinions and the media and "society views" that we miss the obvious of the truth. What we really want ourselves.
ChefChiTown
The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
Re: That's the reality of it all ...
To be honest, most of the women I know honestly don't care if they hurt the guy or not when they enter into a relationship. They have been taught (mostly by society) that they should get whatever they want and not have to consider the emotions of others while doing so. Obviously, not all women are like that, but most of them that I know are.
Women pay too much attention to society and raise themselves to believe that they are princesses and should be treated like a goddess. A lot of them grow up not even giving a shit what happens in the world, as long as they are the pretty one in the room, as long as they are popular and somewhat idolized by other women, and as long as guys drool over them and do whatever they want them to.
I know that some will say that I'm being way too critical and that women aren't really like that, but...they are. Once again, not all women, but most.
To be honest, most of the women I know honestly don't care if they hurt the guy or not when they enter into a relationship. They have been taught (mostly by society) that they should get whatever they want and not have to consider the emotions of others while doing so. Obviously, not all women are like that, but most of them that I know are.
Women pay too much attention to society and raise themselves to believe that they are princesses and should be treated like a goddess. A lot of them grow up not even giving a shit what happens in the world, as long as they are the pretty one in the room, as long as they are popular and somewhat idolized by other women, and as long as guys drool over them and do whatever they want them to.
I know that some will say that I'm being way too critical and that women aren't really like that, but...they are. Once again, not all women, but most.
Re-read my post ...
Ummm, that was my exact point. I said they might be afraid what the guy would do. And my point was that it would be better if they just do it then, instead of what might happen when the guy finds out it was a lie anyway. It's very ironic, because guys are only going to get more pissed off when they catch them in the lie later on.
I wasn't making an excuse. I think you should re-read my post ...
Facetious
Moderated
Well, it's a little something that I've been able to pull off over the years.
You frequently remind yourself that shit could happen at any time in the relationship while offering 100%. If you put this to practice, you'll take away a great deal of the dead blow when the inevitable happens. I went six years with my second to last gf, a very bright girl, in fact, as I implemented this practice and when the time expired, I, for once, wasn't a basket case. And damn ! I still love her.
Obviously, you couldn't pull this off with a relationship in progress, as your other already knows your demeanor and such.
YMMV :dunno:
Yeah that 100% stuff guarantees nothing. Plus it is a ton of work.
All that matters is how much the other partner wants any of you.
If you have done your job getting the other person really wanting you, you can give 1% and that is all you need.
Don't be a wussy nice guy sucking up to women. That's my advice I'd give the guy who started this post. I'll guarantee you that he fell into that trap at some point.
Women logically should like the nice guy, but hot women don't. They use them for free stuff until they can find an actual man to sleep with.
100% all around wuss is a wasted effort and will get you dumped eventually.
All that matters is how much the other partner wants any of you.
If you have done your job getting the other person really wanting you, you can give 1% and that is all you need.
Don't be a wussy nice guy sucking up to women. That's my advice I'd give the guy who started this post. I'll guarantee you that he fell into that trap at some point.
Women logically should like the nice guy, but hot women don't. They use them for free stuff until they can find an actual man to sleep with.
100% all around wuss is a wasted effort and will get you dumped eventually.
Will E Worm
Conspiracy...
Basically, women are liars. If the woman you're with is dumping you, she is already "sleeping" with someone else.
Then they wonder why most guys don't want to get involved with them past sex and why they are not married by thirty.
Take a guess. Guys really don't like liars. Who wants to marry a liar?
They can never be trusted.
Women are no more dishonest or untrustworthy then men.
Basically, women are liars. If the woman you're with is dumping you, she is already "sleeping" with someone else.
Then they wonder why most guys don't want to get involved with them past sex and why they are not married by thirty.
Take a guess. Guys really don't like liars. Who wants to marry a liar?
They can never be trusted.
Will E Worm
Conspiracy...
From what I've heard from some guys who used to be nice.
They started being mean, or the "bad guy" and they started getting more women.
Some guys can just be jerks too. I understand that.
But, women create monsters every day.
The "bad guy" will never marry them. Then after they are done "sleeping" around the women look to settle down with a nice guy.
The guys who really don't want them now because they are too used.
I can't blame them.
ChefChiTown
The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
Facetious
Moderated
Most important, if the relationship has any possibility for longevity, be you're friggin self at the get go. None of this softy, effeminate, metrosexualish - girly man talk - talk. I've seen women morph a few of my good friends into puppy dogs, picking out their wardrobe for them, luring them into changing their hairstyle, getting testy when they don't pick up the phone in two rings, just really, overall pussy whipped. They ask me for council - "What do you think, huh ? huh ? . . How did I look ?"
Me - I was looking at her, how in the hell would I know how you looked ?
I once shared rent on a house after college with a guy like this Every damn day, everything was about him and his vanity - me, me, me, me, she, she, she, she, she, I, I, I, I. Then when he got his ass handed back to them in the form of a Visa Bill and an unfortunate text message, or hand written letter, as it were - Good Bye, I really love you but I still have feelings for . . .
Now, said room mate conveniently uses me for council services - "aww man, you we're right, :crying: I should've taken your advice" as they begin to change back into their old selves again. A week or two passes and their back to their kiss ass ways.
Really, all that a guy needs show his woman is - a good sense of humor, don't stink, have clean teeth, fresh breath, be tidy - none of this dirt and oil shit under your fingernails !, shave your neck 360º, get a pedicure - and bleach those gross yellowed toenails with a peroxide bath, get the lint out of your belly, tidy up your cock - wash off the residue from the office sleaze that you fucked two weeks ago *they can pick that shit up like you can't believe*
Now, you're free to walk around the joint with just jeans and a "T".
Oh, shit ! I'm driftin' the thread - off topic ! I'm Done with this thread 'till the next one arrives in . . .oh . . about 3 months ?
BTW - Very thorough there, Prof !
Don't Get Whipped, Pretty Boys ø:lovecoupl ø lol
Me - I was looking at her, how in the hell would I know how you looked ?
I once shared rent on a house after college with a guy like this
Every damn day, everything was about him and his vanity - me, me, me, me, she, she, she, she, she, I, I, I, I. Then when he got his ass handed back to them in the form of a Visa Bill and an unfortunate text message, or hand written letter, as it were - Good Bye, I really love you but I still have feelings for . . . Now, said room mate conveniently uses me for council services - "aww man, you we're right, :crying: I should've taken your advice" as they begin to change back into their old selves again. A week or two passes and their back to their kiss ass ways.
Really, all that a guy needs show his woman is - a good sense of humor, don't stink, have clean teeth, fresh breath, be tidy - none of this dirt and oil shit under your fingernails !, shave your neck 360º, get a pedicure - and bleach those gross yellowed toenails with a peroxide bath, get the lint out of your belly, tidy up your cock - wash off the residue from the office sleaze that you fucked two weeks ago *they can pick that shit up like you can't believe*
Now, you're free to walk around the joint with just jeans and a "T".
Oh, shit ! I'm driftin' the thread - off topic ! I'm Done with this thread 'till the next one arrives in . . .oh . . about 3 months ?
BTW - Very thorough there, Prof !
Don't Get Whipped, Pretty Boys ø:lovecoupl ø lol
Will E Worm
Conspiracy...
Visa bill!? Think again.
That list is too long. I don't pick up the phone unless I feel like it. I'm not sure when that is, because I hate the phone most of the time.
I don't shave, I have a beard and most of the time it's long and fluffy. .
Pedicure and bleach!? I don't think so.
I thought you just said don't be effeminate and a metrosexual?
I'm not sure where you're going with the "office skank" story. But, wouldn't waiting for your date in the shower so you can do it, make her the new skank?
People can do what they want. But, if the woman is a "skank" so is the man who is with her.
You can't have it both ways.
That list is too long. I don't pick up the phone unless I feel like it. I'm not sure when that is, because I hate the phone most of the time.
I don't shave, I have a beard and most of the time it's long and fluffy. .
Pedicure and bleach!? I don't think so.
I thought you just said don't be effeminate and a metrosexual?
I'm not sure where you're going with the "office skank" story. But, wouldn't waiting for your date in the shower so you can do it, make her the new skank?
People can do what they want. But, if the woman is a "skank" so is the man who is with her.
You can't have it both ways.
