I need a GOOD JOKE!
- Thread starter The perfect 1
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LOL :glugglug:
habo9
Banned
Two friends, Bill and Bob, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Bill throws up all over himself. “Oh, no… Now my wife will kill me!”
Bob says, “Don’t worry, pal. Just stick a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.”
So they stay for another couple of hours and get totally plastered.
Eventually Bill stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. “You reek of drink and you’ve puked all over yourself! You are disgusting!”
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Bill says, “Now wainaminit, I can eshplain everythin. It’snot wha you think. I only had a couple drinks. But this other guy puked all over me. He was reeling and he juss could’n hold his liquor. He said he was very sorry an’ gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!”
His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, “But this is forty bucks…”
“Oh, yeah… I almos’ forgot, he crapped in my pants, too.
Bob says, “Don’t worry, pal. Just stick a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.”
So they stay for another couple of hours and get totally plastered.
Eventually Bill stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. “You reek of drink and you’ve puked all over yourself! You are disgusting!”
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Bill says, “Now wainaminit, I can eshplain everythin. It’snot wha you think. I only had a couple drinks. But this other guy puked all over me. He was reeling and he juss could’n hold his liquor. He said he was very sorry an’ gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!”
His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, “But this is forty bucks…”
“Oh, yeah… I almos’ forgot, he crapped in my pants, too.
HAHAHAHA! AWESOME JOKE!! :thumbsup:
a priest and a rabbi are fishing, and not catching any fish.
so... bored.... they try to think of something more exciting to do.
the priest says "want to screw some altal boys?"
and the rabbi says "out of what?"
so... bored.... they try to think of something more exciting to do.
the priest says "want to screw some altal boys?"
and the rabbi says "out of what?"
A young mother walks into her infants room and sees her husband standing over the crib
She walks up to him and says; "Honey what's wrong with the baby?"
He turns to his wife and says; "I fucked it to death"
I found that pretty funny but I have a weird sense of humour, so some of you probably won't.
She walks up to him and says; "Honey what's wrong with the baby?"
He turns to his wife and says; "I fucked it to death"
I found that pretty funny but I have a weird sense of humour, so some of you probably won't.
An English couple have a child. After the birth, medical tests reveal that the child is normal, apart from the fact that it is German. This however should not be a problem. There is nothing to worry about. As the child grows older, it dresses in lederhosen and has a pudding bowl haircut, but all its basic functions develop normally. It can walk, eat, sleep, read and so on, but for some reason the German child never speaks. The concerned parents take it to the doctor, who reassures them that as the German child is perfectly developed in all other areas, there is nothing to worry about and that he is sure the speech faculty will eventually blossom. Years pass. The German child enters its teens, and still it is not speaking, though in all other respects it is fully functional. The German child’s mother is especially distressed by this, but attempts to conceal her sadness. One day she makes the German child, who is now seventeen years old and still silent, a bowl of tomato soup, and takes it through to him in the parlour where he is listening to a wind-up gramophone record player. Soon, the German child appears in the kitchen and suddenly declares, “Mother. This soup is a little tepid.” The German child’s mother is astonished. “All these years,” she exclaims, “we assumed you could not speak. And yet all along it appears you could. Why? Why did you never say anything before?” “Because Mother,” answers the German child, “up until now, everything has been satisfactory.”
Ace Bandage
The one and only.
Q: How do you get 50 Haitians into a phone booth?
A: Tell them it's structurally sound.
"Hi, I'm the Richter Scale and Haiti 7.0 was my idea." :hatsoff:
ZING!
A: Tell them it's structurally sound.
"Hi, I'm the Richter Scale and Haiti 7.0 was my idea." :hatsoff:
ZING!
That joke earns a neg rep from mrtrebus? Oh man, some people...
