I need a GOOD JOKE!
- Thread starter The perfect 1
- Start date
How many Mesicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Juan :hatsoff:
*My apologies to the mexican community here on Freeones*
On behalf of the Mexican community, I forgive you, I find it funny :rofl:
Hey, it's Dave, man, open up!
Dave's not here!
A man goes into the doctor because of a bump on his forehead.
The doctor looks at the bump and tells the man “You have a penis growing on your forehead and its growing fast.”
The man freaks and says “You mean when I look in a mirror I will see a penis on my forehead.
The doctor replies “No. You will not be able to see it”
The man says “Thank God, you mean it will be so small that nobody will notice it.”
The Doctor replies “No. You will not be able to see it because your eyes will be covered by the balls.”
The doctor looks at the bump and tells the man “You have a penis growing on your forehead and its growing fast.”
The man freaks and says “You mean when I look in a mirror I will see a penis on my forehead.
The doctor replies “No. You will not be able to see it”
The man says “Thank God, you mean it will be so small that nobody will notice it.”
The Doctor replies “No. You will not be able to see it because your eyes will be covered by the balls.”
I've got a good joke for you: my sex life. :1orglaugh :helpme:
A brunette saw her boyfriend buying flowers for her in a shop.
"Oh no!" she said to her blonde friend. "He's not buying me flowers again."
"You should be pleased," said the blonde "what's wrong with that."
"It's just that he'll expect favours." said the brunette, "Like on my back for the next ten days. Know what I mean?"
"Why. Hasn't he got a vase" said the blonde.
"Oh no!" she said to her blonde friend. "He's not buying me flowers again."
"You should be pleased," said the blonde "what's wrong with that."
"It's just that he'll expect favours." said the brunette, "Like on my back for the next ten days. Know what I mean?"
"Why. Hasn't he got a vase" said the blonde.
"I want to testify today about what I believe is a planetary emergency - a crisis that threatens the survival of our civilization and the habitability of the Earth."
Nobel Prize Winning Comedian, Al Gore.
Nobel Prize Winning Comedian, Al Gore.
Dave's not here. Ah, frickin classic. I haven't thought about that **** for years. Thanks! :thumbsup:
Will E Worm
Conspiracy...
:hatsoff:
Joke #1
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torren.tial downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And that's when the fight started....
Joke #2
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for$14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the **** would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started....
Joke #3
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me acompliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And that's when the fight started....
Ace Bandage
The one and only.
A baby seal walks into a club.
Thank you! :hatsoff: I'll be here all week. Try the veal and tip your waitresses.
Thank you! :hatsoff: I'll be here all week. Try the veal and tip your waitresses.
Will E Worm
Conspiracy...
A couple go to there honeymoon place to celebrate there 25th anniversary.
As the couple reminice about there magical day 25 years ago , the wife asked the husband "When you first saw my naked body in front of you , what were you thinking?"
The husband replied "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry."
The wife looks at him as she undresses and asks " What are you thinking now?"
He looks her up and down and replied "It looks like I did a pretty good job"
As the couple reminice about there magical day 25 years ago , the wife asked the husband "When you first saw my naked body in front of you , what were you thinking?"
The husband replied "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry."
The wife looks at him as she undresses and asks " What are you thinking now?"
He looks her up and down and replied "It looks like I did a pretty good job"
A man is walking down the street when he runs into his friend. But there's something different about him: his friend has an orange for a head.
So the man asks his friend, "Hey man, why do you have an orange for a head?"
And his friend replies, "Well last week I found a magic lamp. I rubbed it and a genie popped out and promised me three wishes."
The man then says, "That's cool, but why do you have an orange for a head?"
His friend replies, "Well for my first wish I asked to be the richest man in the world, and 'poof!' I had tons upon tons of gold bullion at my feet."
The man shuffles and asks again, "Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?"
His friend smiles and says, "Wait, wait. I'm getting there. For my second wish I wished for the most beautiful woman in the world to be my bride, and 'poof!' there she was, the very likeness of Helen of Troy."
The man, dumbfounded and quite anxious asks once again, "Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?!?"
To which his friend replies, "Well, for my third wish, I wished for an orange for a head."
So the man asks his friend, "Hey man, why do you have an orange for a head?"
And his friend replies, "Well last week I found a magic lamp. I rubbed it and a genie popped out and promised me three wishes."
The man then says, "That's cool, but why do you have an orange for a head?"
His friend replies, "Well for my first wish I asked to be the richest man in the world, and 'poof!' I had tons upon tons of gold bullion at my feet."
The man shuffles and asks again, "Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?"
His friend smiles and says, "Wait, wait. I'm getting there. For my second wish I wished for the most beautiful woman in the world to be my bride, and 'poof!' there she was, the very likeness of Helen of Troy."
The man, dumbfounded and quite anxious asks once again, "Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?!?"
To which his friend replies, "Well, for my third wish, I wished for an orange for a head."
