Should a pornstar or former one tell their significant other about what they do or did?

[BusterLoads]

I want to know if I'm dealing with a hypocrite who watches it and jerks to it but judges the people in the videos.

A guy not wanting to date a porn star doesn't make him a hypocrite. It could be a simple question of wanting to be in a monogamous relationship. If I was still dating I wouldn't necessarily want to date any of my favorite girls in porn despite jerking off to them. The two things are not interrelated. Also, welcome to the mind of a guy. Most guys don't need to like a girl in order to fuck her, or at least jerk off to them. Dating however is entirely different.

Secondly it gives you a bit of an upper hand because what man wouldn't be a little bit intimidated dating a porn star? It will make him step his game up sexually and it turns the tables....it's usually the girl who is the one self-conscience going into a relationship.

This is kind of a douchy move; because "usually the girl who is the one self-conscience going into a relationship." Guys aren't purposefully making them self-conscience. Girls do that shit to themselves. Instead of wanting to place it on guys, why not want more girls to become less self-conscience?

 

[MMMariah]

Never seen your name here before but right away I can tell you're a dick.

Instead of taking what I said out of context why don't you go back and read it again.

The hypocrisy ins't in the monogamy. it's in being judgmental towards people even though you pull your little dick to them. It was VERY clear and only a dick would misinterpret that.

And since when is dating about playing it fair when you are going in? Most of you guys lie about your money, pretend you are someone you aren't and women do the same. The beginning of a relationship is too often a big facade and blatant misrepresentation. I go in with straight up honesty and that generally takes the wind out of the sails of the guy putting on the macho act. If he can't handle that I have done porn then it's on to the next and good luck to him.

I usually tell someone in the first 5 minutes if I think they are worthy of the information which usually reveals itself in the first 5 minutes, just like you did in that post.

 

[BusterLoads]

So your first move is to resort name calling and shaming huh? Lol...:clap: Says a lot about your maturity level which probably plays a role in your dating life.

 

[MMMariah]

Yes actually, my first reaction to reading your post is to point out the obvious. And sure enough I bumped into another of your brain farts on another thread where you said "wine is for women" and "wine is pretentious" which is rhetoric based purely on ignorance because if you had any experience in other places of the world than the box on wheels you call home, you would know that wine is consumed by far more peasant types than wealthy. It's also enjoyed by as many men as women, if not more.

I'm going to jump out on a limb here and assume you are one of those macho guys who would never wear anything pink and hunts and drinks cold ones out of the can, right? Your post was stupid and you got called out on it. Deal with it.

 

[cestmoi2010]

Okay folks, let's give this a little twist. Let's say you guys were or are porn stars. Lots of stuff of you masturbating on camera and having sex with other men and women in circulation. Are you really going to expect the same kind of understanding from the average woman to just accept it as just a job? Toss prostitution into the mix also. It's legal in some places and just another job like a plumber or lawyer.

Others had great replies but here is mine

I am assuming I no longer am doing this, right?

Would I expect her to understand and stay around? I don't know - that is HER decision just like it is mine the other way around. If I did this I would tell her up front about it. Probably NOT on our 1st date because a 1st date is a "feeling out" process. If we went on a 2nd date I would tell her. I don't want her to fall in love with me and then find out after the fact. Telling her up front puts it out there for her to know and decide what to do. If she leaves - I would have no issues with that, it is her call. If she stays - same thing. I would tell her I did it, I am not embarrassed at all by what I did because I chose to do it - no one forced me to do it. I would tell her that part of my life is behind me. If she wanted to see any of my work I would sit down and watch with her or let her watch alone.............if she didn't - fine. But tell her as soon as possible so this way she gets told before she develops feelings for you - feelings she might lose once she finds out about your past.

I do think the younger she is the better your chances of her staying around. Someone in her 20s/30s will be more understanding than someone 50+ even if at 50+ it happened 20+ years ago.

 

[Anonyne#017]

There is a huge difference between having sex and masturbaring, just like there is between making porn and watching porn...

 

[MMMariah]

but what about lusting for someone and watching porn but then judging the people in the videos? That is hypocrisy at it's truest.

- - - Updated - - -

but what about lusting for someone and watching porn but then judging the people in the videos? That is hypocrisy at it's truest.

 

[Rey C.]

I've read that many men lives have been ruined once they're wife or girlfriend have been outed

Then they are weak and not real men.

I don't think you can make that sort of blanket statement though. While a guy might be as libertarian about someone's profession or personal life as one can possibly be, he may work in a profession or live in an area that is quite judgmental. Look at how many former pornstars get fired from relatively mundane jobs (Crystal Gunns, the "porn star school lunch lady", for instance) and one can see that a life or career could be affected by being "outed" for any number of things that society looks down on.

That fact doesn't make it right, it just means it's real.

 

[somedah]

I would like to know what my woman does for a living. Don't you? Same for vice versa. There might be some exceptions, for example if I were a serious shit gangster. Then I might just refer "I'm in a construction business", or whatever the Scarface did say to his women.

And some relevant highlights from the past would be nice too. Being former pornstar belongs to that category, "I paid my studies doing couple things" maybe doesn't.

 

[monkeyspanky45]

What if she only did girl girl and solo porn like sophia knight and Malena Morgan could you still see yourself in a productive relationship

 

[Chopper3000]

Well personally I told Mariah Milano to fuck off out of the kitchen and holiday around the Bahamas. I do the cooking.

 

[fkknuckle]

Yep absolutely and if they have a problem with it then they should move on.

 

[Aaliyah Love]

I've read that many men lives have been ruined once they're wife or girlfriend have been outed

oh those poor, poor men! (no mention of what it did to the women but ok lol)

 

[bobjustbob]

I've read that many men lives have been ruined once they're wife or girlfriend have been outed

oh those poor, poor men! (no mention of what it did to the women but ok lol)

I'm a bit confused with your response. Do you really have sympathy or is this a tongue-in-cheek way of saying you don't. The reason I ask is because of a scenario that full disclosure may not have been made.

 

[MMMariah]

Most men are intimidated when he knows he's with a sexual woman so when it's a porn star it multiplies that by 100000000. Women are fucked up when it comes to insecurity but so are men. If a guy knows his woman has been fucked by men that actually fuck for a living and have BIG dicks it's nearly impossible for him to get beyond it. That's why so many people in the business date within the business. I NEVER could date someone within the business. I hardly even socialized with people in the business. Too many of them make it their lifestyle when it's a fucking business. I see these stupid girls on social media bragging about flying here and flying there like they are really doing important things when in reality they are flying to go escort. As if that is something anyone other than other escorts could possibly respect or envy. They are on the hunt for the real life Pretty Woman fairy tale that some super wealthy guy is going to forgive their past, see the real princess within their souls and take them away from it all for a life of luxury.

Fact is, people deserve to know up front so they can choose. But if you think that it's a level playing field you're crazy.

 

[Deepcover]

Most men are intimidated when he knows he's with a sexual woman so when it's a porn star it multiplies that by 100000000. Women are fucked up when it comes to insecurity but so are men. If a guy knows his woman has been fucked by men that actually fuck for a living and have BIG dicks it's nearly impossible for him to get beyond it. That's why so many people in the business date within the business. I NEVER could date someone within the business. I hardly even socialized with people in the business. Too many of them make it their lifestyle when it's a fucking business. I see these stupid girls on social media bragging about flying here and flying there like they are really doing important things when in reality they are flying to go escort. As if that is something anyone other than other escorts could possibly respect or envy. They are on the hunt for the real life Pretty Woman fairy tale that some super wealthy guy is going to forgive their past, see the real princess within their souls and take them away from it all for a life of luxury.

Fact is, people deserve to know up front so they can choose. But if you think that it's a level playing field you're crazy.

Whoa...talk about politics

 

[cestmoi2010]

oh those poor, poor men! (no mention of what it did to the women but ok lol)

My thoughts on this were stated earlier but I can see where men would feel this way. Not saying it is right but I can see it. This all goes back to what I said the first time in this thread. If she was in Porn BEFORE she (whoever "she" is) met her current guy she MUST tell him very early in the relationship about the fact she was in Porn earlier in her life.

I hate doing this but will here................let's say 10 years from now you and I go out on a date (I can dream - can't I?). We get along great on the always awkward and somewhat pressure filled first date and we decide to go on a 2nd date. Things go well and we decide to go on a 3rd date and it is looking like we might like hanging out with each other more often. That 3rd date is when I want you to tell me about the fact you in Porn many years ago but no longer are. I want you to tell me "I was in Porn from 20xx to 20xx. I stopped doing stuff X years ago but I was in the industry. It's not something I ashamed about in any way at all but I want you to know this."

By doing this you now place the "ball in my court." For men who can't handle this (and that is their right to feel this way) it gives them the option of leaving before they (and you) start developing feelings for each other and start to exclusively date and maybe call each other a boy/girlfriend. For people like me who really don't care what you did before we met because what we did before we met I had no say in it - I am OK with this but I do want to know about it. I don't want to be surfing the Internet and suddenly see you did 75 (or more) scenes and didn't tell me about this. I don't believe people can have a serious relationship that can last forever with secrets like this. I need you to be open and honest with me. If you hide this from me I am going to suspect you have hidden many more things from me and now I am starting to question whether I really want to be with you. I am OK with the fact you were in Porn but not OK with the fact you hid it from me.............and by telling me this it allows me the chance to tell you I don't approve of this and can't/don't want to be in a relationship with you because of this.

Tell me when it is apparent we might be dating more than a few dates and let me make up my mind as to whether I am OK with this.............don't keep it a secret

 

[MMMariah]

I tell people on the first date. get it out there right away. I also tell new friends I meet. I don't do it for their benefit, I do it for mine. When I tell them I get to see what type of person they are right away therefor giving ME the choice to be friends with an accepting non-judgmental person or not be friends with someone who isn't. I have had it bite my ass before by not telling someone I met then when we became friends they found out and thought it was "gross" and no longer wanted to be associated with a person who did porn.

Don't wait 3 dates. Let them know up front.

 

[cestmoi2010]

I tell people on the first date. get it out there right away. I also tell new friends I meet. I don't do it for their benefit, I do it for mine. When I tell them I get to see what type of person they are right away therefor giving ME the choice to be friends with an accepting non-judgmental person or not be friends with someone who isn't. I have had it bite my ass before by not telling someone I met then when we became friends they found out and thought it was "gross" and no longer wanted to be associated with a person who did porn.

Don't wait 3 dates. Let them know up front.

How about splitting the difference? How about Date #2. I say that because a 1st Date is not something where you (should) find out a lot about a person. It is nothing more than 2 people getting together to see if there is enough interest to go out again and get to know even more about that person. A 1st Date is not something where we should be discussing our thoughts on abortion or stuff like that. There are a lot of 1st dates that don't lead to a 2nd date. On Date #1 I don't want to tell her all of my life story and then have her be scared away and/or not like it and never see me again and tell others. If someone was in Porn tell me on Date #2 but not Date #1

 

[Andrew30]

Some guys/gals can handle and some couldn't handle knowing their significant. I tend to feel I could handle it. The thing is it's like that it most other things as well.

- - - Updated - - -

Some guys/gals can handle and some couldn't handle knowing their significant. I tend to feel I could handle it. The thing is it's like that it most other things as well.