Black Star got the shock of his life as his arch enemy turned up on the board White Star.
Aces&Jacks said:After spending nearly 2 months in a hospital because of injuries suffered from a near-fatal car accident, Dr. Death returned home and resumed posting on Freeones. Members were astounded and began to go insane over the fact that his signature now contained a picture of a bright-eyed, beautiful child playing outdoors with butterflies and humming birds. Dr. Death said his new lease on life had given him a new perspective. But not more than 2 days later, the specter of the Grim Reaper was seen creeping up behind the little girl, scythe in hand. Now all is allright with the world again.
poggy1 said:Stek got a new g/f who'd banned him from watching both football and wrestling.
drdeath67 said:THIS JUST IN!
Board member Nightfly was found this morning cold, naked and alone, wandering around on the tarmac of an abandoned airfield in the south of France! The French authorities stated that Mr. Fly was dazed and in a trance like state when he was found and still remains that way! This has left the French police baffled as to what has happened to Fly! The only thing the police have to go one in solving this case was a note taped to Fly's back that read as follows:
CONGRATULATIONS!
You have had all the greed violently slapped out of you!
You are now disciplined properly and no longer a Softy!
love and regards,
Georges
More on this story later when we get more infromation!
poggy1 said:Rastagir has revealed to the board on another thread that he's actually called Snuggles.This makes some members think he's really a girl and start to send him pictures of certain parts of there body.
Nightfly said:Raold has been caught running through the streets in Holland wearing a leather "Fonzie" jacket saying "Eeeeeeyyyyy" and sticking his thumb up in the air.
Marie has been sighted, as she has been absent the board here off and on, and it has been discovered that she's really an international stripper, but she won't show us pics of herself and that's why she's been off the board so much.
AsianxxxChick has gone to anger management and "prolixitis" camp and won't be back until exams are completed. (inside joke - I love you Axxx)
Poggy has been sentenced to typing and grammar classes by the "Nightfly School of English."
Dr. Death has been sharpening his scalpels to do a boob job on L*** S******...
CK80 has just bought a Toyota and plans to NOT crash it like he did his Honda.
georges has decided to move to Texas and join a militia where the only transportation allowed to be used by members is powered by Dodge Hemi engines.
Lord Raven has decided to finally reveal all 812 of his user IDs and personalities on this board.
FoxyCougar shows us her wedding pics from next month, and we see that she has a pierced clit.
********** stops swinging and his girlfriend stops gangbanging guys as they both travel the world.
Seraphim packs away his weapons, quits his job as a cop, and opens a flower shop where he also sells water pipes, bongs, tie-dyed t-shirts and rolling papers.
4G63 quits smoking dope and drinking malt liquor and moves to Bangkok with his wife so they can start swinging with all the chicks there.
BNF meets Giselle and falls in love with her, but Nikki Nova shows up and kicks his ass for betraying her.
Max makes a sig and keeps it for more than 2 days.
Pitino goes to "Member Above Me Anonymous" meetings and his post count drops by 75%.
darkman realizes that 60% of his links have already been posted, and half of them by himself!
om3ga finds the ultimate animated gif of the hottest chick ever. He then visits Li'l Kim after she's released from prison and they marry and live happily ever after.
tunsty retires from his job and takes over the role of the driver of the triple-decker bus in "Harry Potter: Prisoner of Azkaban." lmao
harold brushes his "teath" with a hemp toothbrush.
RebekahDee posts something other than a site update.
thegovna goes to court with his lawyer and gets out of his speeding ticket citation, only to be fined for perversion from looking at FOs' galleries.
Jizm actually takes our advice, decides not to kill himself, and goes to professional counseling and not asking porn lovers their advice about suicide once a year.
juballs starts breeding his midgets and becomes a millionaire, and then he and his wife move to "Midgetonia" where they're revered as Gods, like in "Gulliver's Travels."
HERO2 stops posting pics of his ass in the "Members Only" thread and his 5 other user IDs are banned4life.
Brianelka stops assfucking his students and being obsessed with silicone breast implants - he then moves to Wallonia.
The Captain stops drinking rum and posting drunken ramblings on Crissy's board.
Famousbabes comes back as a moderator and wipes out all of the formerly-banned members - AGAIN. lol
Spiceworld is unbanned and has decided to pee in his litterbox and be a good boy.
AmericanHarley opens a new account and announces he's ditched his current fiancee and is now engaged to what's her name - that wrestling chick.
Prof Voluptuary returns from his ban and starts posting one-liners like "Oh man, that's a good one!"
Aces&Jacks smashes his DVD player and his entire porn collection (DVD & VHS), converts to Buddhism, and rejects porn altogether, emerging from his darkly lit basement where he watched porn 16 hours a day. lol
Roguewolf, comanduc, Dru (from Crissy's board), and I ACTUALLY get together for pizza and beer, since we live within a 45 mile radius of each other, some closer than others.
The most outspoken Canadians here who are so opinionated about the USA take a look at their own country and its problems.
ipooptoomuch will take a laxative and be cured. lmao
AsianKnight will stop saving lives and lurking in alleys as a ninja.
jod will write something politically poignant and stop being so damned nice. lol
deathblooms will single-handedly go to Iraq and end the war.
BrandiLove will come back to the board and show us more pics of her posing in her kitchen.
Tachi, ric0chet, Phil_Mitchell and Max will enter into the sig war to end all sig wars.
hotrod11inches will announce that he has come up with the cures for cancer, HIV, bird flu, and the common cold, and that he thought of all of those cures while he was gangbanging 24 women.
Mcrocket will come back to the board and he and I will resume our debates.
The "____ of the Week" threadstarters will convene and agree to a common, understandable schedule and voting process for each thread, after which they'll make a "Threadmaker of the Week" thread.
kungfudude will battle with Bruce Lee and Asian Knight, and they'll end up exchanging "throwing stars" as they all tie in their battle.
Finally, FreeOnes himself will put a "n00b alarm" on the board and prevent the further posting of threads like "Tasting Your Own Cum."
Cheers!!!
P.S. All of these satires I've written were all in good fun. Please, no one take any offense!!!
AsianxxxChick said:BREAKING NEWS:
Nightfly, having been revealed as the one true omniscient and omnipotent Being of all things pornography, will then become the exalted Messiah; earning much recogntion and praise through His tireless work in the "'Fly Girl" promotion arena.
Finally, after having reached the pinnacle of all greatness and wonder, He will then summarily reject and turn His back on all ideologies and tenets of the Adult Entertainment business, marry a soon-to-be-revealed former 'Fly Girl, and raise a brood of no less than twenty-two (!!!!!) children; all named 'Nightfly' after their Father.
In later years, when being interviewed on His early life as the one true omniscient and omnipotent Being and Messiah of all things pornography, He will suddenly and forcefully proclaim the righteousness and salvation of all those he had left behind on the now-antiquated Internet web-site: www.Freeones.com.
We then hear Him speak His final words to Mankind as His munificent and exalted presence strolls from the room ...
"NO MAN, WOMAN, OR CHILD SHALL BE LEFT BEHIND!"
He then stops, turns back to face the interviewer, waves shyly, and slowly fades away into a cloud of mist as ethereal music plays in the background.
GOTCHA!!!! ROTFLMGDFAO :thumbsup: :bowdown:
Mariah holding up a "fan sign" - Down Wth LR, Up With Boobies!Nightfly said:
Jod will then change his sig to an anti-raven sig