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Fired Today, Career Over, Possibly Marriage Too ...
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I always try to treat my better half with the most love, care and respect I have. Her needs, sexually or otherwise always come first and the thought of causing her any emotional hardship is something I strive to avoid at all costs.
But reading that today, I find myself wanting to treat her just a little bit better...
But reading that today, I find myself wanting to treat her just a little bit better...
This is an admission of sexual harrassment -- talking about women in a manner that's bound to make some of them uncomfortable in an environment where they're *forced* to interact with you, and a form of sexual assault -- entirely inappropriate, unwelcome touching. Like poggy, I'm struggling to feel much sympathy.
Get some help.
Get some help.
Legzman
what the fuck you lookin at?
WOW! That really sucks! I can't see where you crossed the line with the client to be honest. But then again women don't make any sense to begin with.
Well all I can say is of all the members on this board if anyone can overcome this set of circumstances it's you!
Your career is done. I'm pretty sure. As for your marriage, there's still a chance that can be saved!
All the best of luck to you as you pull through this! Just don't do anything stupid!
Well all I can say is of all the members on this board if anyone can overcome this set of circumstances it's you!
Your career is done. I'm pretty sure. As for your marriage, there's still a chance that can be saved!
All the best of luck to you as you pull through this! Just don't do anything stupid!
ChefChiTown
The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
Prof,
You know, I'm not one to try and "butter up" situations to make them seem better than what they are (which is odd, because I'm a chef
). I've always found that the best help that I can give is honesty.
Fuck your job at the moment. Fuck even thinking about it. That's the least of your worries. Not to be too harsh, but you did it to yourself, and if you've already been terminated then there's nothing you can do about it. You need to take some personal inventory and look at the things you can fix.
What you can do is try and fix things with your wife. Look, everybody makes mistakes. I don't know you or your wife personally, so I can't justifiably sit here and tell you what to do or what to say to her. What I will do is say this...
When you married her, you took an oath. You took an oath to love her, honor her and cherish her in sickness and in health, until death did you part. You just shattered that oath into a million pieces and it's up to you to put them back together as best as you can. Your wife is the one holding all of the pieces at the moment...but you have the glue. You just need to take a step back, look at the big picture and envision the best way to get the pieces back to where they belong. Even though the pieces won't be perfectly placed as they were before the image was shattered, you can still put together a pretty beautiful picture.
You know, I'm not one to try and "butter up" situations to make them seem better than what they are (which is odd, because I'm a chef
). I've always found that the best help that I can give is honesty.Fuck your job at the moment. Fuck even thinking about it. That's the least of your worries. Not to be too harsh, but you did it to yourself, and if you've already been terminated then there's nothing you can do about it. You need to take some personal inventory and look at the things you can fix.
What you can do is try and fix things with your wife. Look, everybody makes mistakes. I don't know you or your wife personally, so I can't justifiably sit here and tell you what to do or what to say to her. What I will do is say this...
When you married her, you took an oath. You took an oath to love her, honor her and cherish her in sickness and in health, until death did you part. You just shattered that oath into a million pieces and it's up to you to put them back together as best as you can. Your wife is the one holding all of the pieces at the moment...but you have the glue. You just need to take a step back, look at the big picture and envision the best way to get the pieces back to where they belong. Even though the pieces won't be perfectly placed as they were before the image was shattered, you can still put together a pretty beautiful picture.
^Excellent post :thumbsup: I agree about his (non-existent) job being the least of his problems, but then again he does have financial commitments to make and this complicate matters, including his marriage :dunno:
I vote: "It happens, we understand, hope you are forgiven, but learn from it!"
I vote: "It happens, we understand, hope you are forgiven, but learn from it!"
member006
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I can't honestly comment at this time. Bringing this much personal to a board makes me question from jump street. *watches for lightening to strike as she types* I agree with Fox on one thing, I think I would be in my 'rl' thinking this over and working on it, not on the board right away spilling my guts. Just not my style.
I'll think on it some and maybe answer more later.
LL
I'll think on it some and maybe answer more later.
LL
Well at least you didn't get caught doing this in the office. http://board.freeones.com/showpost.php?p=1761734&postcount=1
A serious queston ProfV:
Do you think You Might possibly be a "Sex Addict"? You seem to have a number of personality characteristics that could lead to that. You're obviously intelligent, extremely self confident (to a point that some term as "arrogant"), have a intense appreciation for the primal qualities of women.
One on hand, after reading halfway through your post I was thinking this a ridiculous case of wrongful termination due to the extremely politically correct and overly sensitive business world of today. What you said to that woman was a little out of line, but illegal? infringing on her personal rights? I doubt it. It would have been perfectly acceptable in a bar, but way out of line in an office. Then again, this is the financial industry. Cutthroat and ruthless and, as you have obviously found out, you can be bounced out of it for any reason they wish.
So at first I'm thinking "get an attorney and pursue a wrongful termination suit" and then I'm reading part 2. On the subject of your wife: I think it was completely wrong for her to tell your parents ANYTHING. That is between you and them and she compartmentalized her anger with you and threw it at your parents, and in turn did nothing good for the situation. That more than anything tells me there is a deep rift between you two, as if you didn't know that.
So I'm thinking A) Some company completely overreacts to something one of their office automatants overhears you saying and blows it way out of proportion, then B) Your wife completely shits all over you about it and takes this as an opportunity to bring up her problems with you in the bedroom, all the while your in another city. I'm starting to think you've just been given a raw deal today and then C) I read part 3, about you completely losing your mind over Ms. Full Figure.
Despite unemployment and your marriage crumbling in front of you, you call this woman and molest her in a restaurant?
Your life is turned upside down, yet you still have this overwhelming drive to seek the primal comforts of an understanding female.
I don't know much about sexual addiction but "addiction" is not just about an insatiable craving for a certain drink, drug, activity, it's also invariably about filling a void in your life, seeking something to make you feel happy, feel comfort.
Like I said, I am obviously not an expert, but you may what to look into this.
ProfV, you've always seemed incredibly intelligent, logical, and on top of things. You will learn alot about yourself going through what you're going to have to go through, and I am sure you will come out a better man.
I wish you the best of luck going forward.
Do you think You Might possibly be a "Sex Addict"? You seem to have a number of personality characteristics that could lead to that. You're obviously intelligent, extremely self confident (to a point that some term as "arrogant"), have a intense appreciation for the primal qualities of women.
One on hand, after reading halfway through your post I was thinking this a ridiculous case of wrongful termination due to the extremely politically correct and overly sensitive business world of today. What you said to that woman was a little out of line, but illegal? infringing on her personal rights? I doubt it. It would have been perfectly acceptable in a bar, but way out of line in an office. Then again, this is the financial industry. Cutthroat and ruthless and, as you have obviously found out, you can be bounced out of it for any reason they wish.
So at first I'm thinking "get an attorney and pursue a wrongful termination suit" and then I'm reading part 2. On the subject of your wife: I think it was completely wrong for her to tell your parents ANYTHING. That is between you and them and she compartmentalized her anger with you and threw it at your parents, and in turn did nothing good for the situation. That more than anything tells me there is a deep rift between you two, as if you didn't know that.
So I'm thinking A) Some company completely overreacts to something one of their office automatants overhears you saying and blows it way out of proportion, then B) Your wife completely shits all over you about it and takes this as an opportunity to bring up her problems with you in the bedroom, all the while your in another city. I'm starting to think you've just been given a raw deal today and then C) I read part 3, about you completely losing your mind over Ms. Full Figure.
Despite unemployment and your marriage crumbling in front of you, you call this woman and molest her in a restaurant?
Your life is turned upside down, yet you still have this overwhelming drive to seek the primal comforts of an understanding female.
I don't know much about sexual addiction but "addiction" is not just about an insatiable craving for a certain drink, drug, activity, it's also invariably about filling a void in your life, seeking something to make you feel happy, feel comfort.
Like I said, I am obviously not an expert, but you may what to look into this.
ProfV, you've always seemed incredibly intelligent, logical, and on top of things. You will learn alot about yourself going through what you're going to have to go through, and I am sure you will come out a better man.
I wish you the best of luck going forward.
Has lost Job, house and wife due to Freeones?
Legzman
what the fuck you lookin at?
Jagger69
Three lullabies in an ancient tongue
WOW.....
Well....ahem.....other than that, how's your day been?
In all seriousness, I don't even know what to say, Prof. That whole story is so far off the fucking wall as to be mind-numbing. I agree with some of the others here....you have a problem, perhaps sexual addiction as PG mentioned (Hah! Me calling someone else a "sexual addict"!! How's that for hypocrisy?). But seriously, your preoccupation with certain aspects of sex has infiltrated your life to the point where it has exploded in the manner it did today. As Fox pointed out, I think it says something that your emotional outlet for this experience is the discussion board at Freeones.
You're a very intelligent, insightful person, Prof. Be smart enough here to get some help and save your marriage at all cost (you DO love your wife, correct?). You can always get another job.
Good luck, brother. Keep us advised....we're all pulling for you to make it through this crisis!
Well....ahem.....other than that, how's your day been?
In all seriousness, I don't even know what to say, Prof. That whole story is so far off the fucking wall as to be mind-numbing. I agree with some of the others here....you have a problem, perhaps sexual addiction as PG mentioned (Hah! Me calling someone else a "sexual addict"!! How's that for hypocrisy?). But seriously, your preoccupation with certain aspects of sex has infiltrated your life to the point where it has exploded in the manner it did today. As Fox pointed out, I think it says something that your emotional outlet for this experience is the discussion board at Freeones.
You're a very intelligent, insightful person, Prof. Be smart enough here to get some help and save your marriage at all cost (you DO love your wife, correct?). You can always get another job.
Good luck, brother. Keep us advised....we're all pulling for you to make it through this crisis!
Everyone here probably assumes you are in the top 10% in terms of pure reasonable intelligence...based on your "responses" throughout this board. Intelligence is not a shield from "poor decision-making" and "poor common sense."
On the Work Issue/Sexual Harassment--Unless you provide more details about other incidents I don't see how you or your co-worker (Busty Hottie) were terminated. I don't see sexual harassment. There must be other incidents and there must be documentation by your employer. See your file. Consult with an attorney. I see a case here. It is better to file a lawsuit, clear your name, and move on with your life. Do not sue for your old job back.
On this issue--the fact that you went out with "Busty" indicates that you are attracted to her and probably want her. The comments by your wife seem more like those from a lover who thinks her lover is making love to someone else. Perhaps your wife "thinks" you have feelings for someone else and this episode confirms it.
I think your marriage is salvageable if you want it to be. I think counseling would work. I don't think you are "sexually obsessed" or "objectively obsessed." None of us know you. Anything's possible, I suppose. Based on this "testimony"..again, I'm going with you're attracted to "Busty Hawtie" as the root for most of this.
I'm very sorry this incident has happened to you. I sincerely hope you can pull your entire life together. I think you can. I think, if you choose, the main focus should be on keeping your marriage together, if you want it.
On the Work Issue/Sexual Harassment--Unless you provide more details about other incidents I don't see how you or your co-worker (Busty Hottie) were terminated. I don't see sexual harassment. There must be other incidents and there must be documentation by your employer. See your file. Consult with an attorney. I see a case here. It is better to file a lawsuit, clear your name, and move on with your life. Do not sue for your old job back.
On this issue--the fact that you went out with "Busty" indicates that you are attracted to her and probably want her. The comments by your wife seem more like those from a lover who thinks her lover is making love to someone else. Perhaps your wife "thinks" you have feelings for someone else and this episode confirms it.
I think your marriage is salvageable if you want it to be. I think counseling would work. I don't think you are "sexually obsessed" or "objectively obsessed." None of us know you. Anything's possible, I suppose. Based on this "testimony"..again, I'm going with you're attracted to "Busty Hawtie" as the root for most of this.
I'm very sorry this incident has happened to you. I sincerely hope you can pull your entire life together. I think you can. I think, if you choose, the main focus should be on keeping your marriage together, if you want it.
You continue to seem to be (I am still not 100% sure this is all true) the most honest person that I can recall ever encountering on here.
And I admire that quality in you very much.
However, you arrogance seems to know few bounds (my guess is you are a Gemini - lol).
My advice?
Learn much more about honour, humility and COMPASSION.
If you do, I think you could still be a truly great person. One to be admired by many - including myself.
If you don't, I think you will probably continue to be what it sounds like you are - someone that does more harm then good to those around you.
As for your wife?
If you think she is better off with you - then go for it.
If you think she isn't - then let her go.
If you truly love her, that is all that should matter to you (IMO).
My guess what will happen?
You will feel sorry for yourself for a few months. Smart talk your way into some new company or career, find a new fat woman to lust over and end up learning almost nothing.
I SINCERELY hope I am wrong and I sincerely wish you well.
And I admire that quality in you very much.
However, you arrogance seems to know few bounds (my guess is you are a Gemini - lol).
My advice?
Learn much more about honour, humility and COMPASSION.
If you do, I think you could still be a truly great person. One to be admired by many - including myself.
If you don't, I think you will probably continue to be what it sounds like you are - someone that does more harm then good to those around you.
As for your wife?
If you think she is better off with you - then go for it.
If you think she isn't - then let her go.
If you truly love her, that is all that should matter to you (IMO).
My guess what will happen?
You will feel sorry for yourself for a few months. Smart talk your way into some new company or career, find a new fat woman to lust over and end up learning almost nothing.
I SINCERELY hope I am wrong and I sincerely wish you well.
Incident 1) In this day and age, there's really no telling what will offend people in the workplace, so I have taken it upon myself to compile a list of topics about which you may converse with co-workers of the opposite sex without fear of persecution:
1-The weather.
This is a safe topic if you keep it simple. Don't make rash comments such as "lovely day, isn't it?" or "we really could use some rain" as these are VALUE JUDGEMENTS and are bound to offend someone. When addressing your differently equipped co-worker, it is important that you do not look at any part of them! Some have tried the "eyes wide left or right" approach, but this always runs the risk of another opposite sex coworker crossing your field of vision, and thereby experiencing your harassing gaze. The safest way, is to look directly at your OWN feet, say "How about this weather?" And quickly go on with your business. DO NOT wait for a reply, as this may come in the form of a question that requires a response from you, and you've already used up all your non-offensive material!
Incident 2) Your problems in the bedroom with your wife cannot possibly be considered all your fault. If this has been going on for a year or more, she has to accept equal responsibility for letting it perpetuate for so long. If she does not complain, you can only assume that you were doing a good job, or at least that she had no problems with it. As I have told my own wife many many times: Subtle hints do not work. Interpretive dance does not work. Overt hints do not work. If you have a problem, for the love of god, open your mouth and say something. This is a common problem among women, they just sit there and stew and stew and think that you're supposed to just magically "get it" with no help from them. If your wife does something you don't like, you tell her, right? If there is an ongoing problem and she has said nothing and let it get this far, she has no grounds whatsoever in blaming it all on you.
Incident 3) This is where you came unstuck, or did you? Did you really forget all that had happened and your situation and at that one simple touch suddenly think you were with your wife again? I have doubts. I put it to you, Prof, that you wanted some big girl lovin', and that had she not pushed you away, you would have made it all the way to the nearest motel and ridden her around like an equestrian pony before you "regained your senses." True or false? You don't have to answer me, just yourself. If you're not sure, the easy way to decide is to ask yourself what you would do if she called you right now and said she changed her mind?
1-The weather.
This is a safe topic if you keep it simple. Don't make rash comments such as "lovely day, isn't it?" or "we really could use some rain" as these are VALUE JUDGEMENTS and are bound to offend someone. When addressing your differently equipped co-worker, it is important that you do not look at any part of them! Some have tried the "eyes wide left or right" approach, but this always runs the risk of another opposite sex coworker crossing your field of vision, and thereby experiencing your harassing gaze. The safest way, is to look directly at your OWN feet, say "How about this weather?" And quickly go on with your business. DO NOT wait for a reply, as this may come in the form of a question that requires a response from you, and you've already used up all your non-offensive material!
Incident 2) Your problems in the bedroom with your wife cannot possibly be considered all your fault. If this has been going on for a year or more, she has to accept equal responsibility for letting it perpetuate for so long. If she does not complain, you can only assume that you were doing a good job, or at least that she had no problems with it. As I have told my own wife many many times: Subtle hints do not work. Interpretive dance does not work. Overt hints do not work. If you have a problem, for the love of god, open your mouth and say something. This is a common problem among women, they just sit there and stew and stew and think that you're supposed to just magically "get it" with no help from them. If your wife does something you don't like, you tell her, right? If there is an ongoing problem and she has said nothing and let it get this far, she has no grounds whatsoever in blaming it all on you.
Incident 3) This is where you came unstuck, or did you? Did you really forget all that had happened and your situation and at that one simple touch suddenly think you were with your wife again? I have doubts. I put it to you, Prof, that you wanted some big girl lovin', and that had she not pushed you away, you would have made it all the way to the nearest motel and ridden her around like an equestrian pony before you "regained your senses." True or false? You don't have to answer me, just yourself. If you're not sure, the easy way to decide is to ask yourself what you would do if she called you right now and said she changed her mind?
damn. what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. you seem too intelligent to let this stop you, or hold you down in any way. boss up.
the whole grabbing the titty and kissing her thing? the putting you and your wife's business in the street to a stranger, the stranger who you were accused of sexually harassing?that was just fucking stupid.
the whole grabbing the titty and kissing her thing? the putting you and your wife's business in the street to a stranger, the stranger who you were accused of sexually harassing?that was just fucking stupid.
:eek:
wow! Where do you start on this one?!
For the most part, i agree with much that has been said already. Fox is right on the money in all his posts, at least in y opinion.
Anyway, here's my take Prof:
you are, as many have said, a very intelligent, well spoken man. Take some time to pull yourself together, relieve some stress/anxiety, and eventually, I see you making it out of this.
First things first. Your career. I have a close friend of the family who is known for making comments that can easily be regarded as "offensive" or "harrassing" by those who do not know him. he was let go from his job for such actions, yet shortly after, landed an almost identical job with a similar company. From what you have said, sounds like they jumped the gun on their actions, even with a "zero tolerance policy." I think you do have a legal avenue to explore here, yet, you severly damaged that with your actions when you met with the lady and literally assaulted her.
Second, and most important. . . your wife.
Sounds like trouble has been brewing here for a while. Only you know if that is true or not. Although it seems to stem from your actions, she has to shoulder some of the responsibility for not voicing her concerns/displeasure much sooner than now! I am constantly told that communication is important and i need to do more of it by my own spouse! i am fairly confident, like most of us guys, you can improve here too, but she needs to as well.
As for her reaction, i can somewhat understand as emotions would run very high under such circumstances. BUT I also have to say that i would expect a little more of a comforting "well, we'll work through it" type of attitude, especially in such a harsh situation. She took the same vows, so it goes BOTH ways!
As for your views on women, well, that's a lot tougher. I have to agree its no excuse, but stress and lack of sleep do play a huge role in altering your state of mind and your decision making process! Nevertheless, it seems as if you are having trouble separating your fantasies from what is really going on. This may not be the case, but you are acting far to much on impulse rather than using your rationale and abiding by what is considered acceptable and adhering to limitations to keep yourself out of trouble. look, i would be happy to discuss any matters you have, wither in this thread or in a more private setting, but I think you need to take a few steps back, examine the situation, setermine what it is you want, and prioritize those wants in order of most important. Then set out and take care of that list my friend.
As for those giving the man grief over posting here in such a difficult situation, I feel I would do the same. He is getting honest advive/opinions form people that have nothing vested in the situation. the best way to analyze a situation is usualy from the outside lookin in, not vice versa. That way no personal agendas or emotions cloud your thinking. its just a way to get a different view and try and see the situation from a different angle, one he may not have previously considered.
wish you nothing but the best in your endeavors, hope everything works out for you in the end! and don't hide behind any rocks. . . better to get a move on things before they get any worse.:2 cents:
wow! Where do you start on this one?!
For the most part, i agree with much that has been said already. Fox is right on the money in all his posts, at least in y opinion.
Anyway, here's my take Prof:
you are, as many have said, a very intelligent, well spoken man. Take some time to pull yourself together, relieve some stress/anxiety, and eventually, I see you making it out of this.
First things first. Your career. I have a close friend of the family who is known for making comments that can easily be regarded as "offensive" or "harrassing" by those who do not know him. he was let go from his job for such actions, yet shortly after, landed an almost identical job with a similar company. From what you have said, sounds like they jumped the gun on their actions, even with a "zero tolerance policy." I think you do have a legal avenue to explore here, yet, you severly damaged that with your actions when you met with the lady and literally assaulted her.
Second, and most important. . . your wife.
Sounds like trouble has been brewing here for a while. Only you know if that is true or not. Although it seems to stem from your actions, she has to shoulder some of the responsibility for not voicing her concerns/displeasure much sooner than now! I am constantly told that communication is important and i need to do more of it by my own spouse! i am fairly confident, like most of us guys, you can improve here too, but she needs to as well.
As for her reaction, i can somewhat understand as emotions would run very high under such circumstances. BUT I also have to say that i would expect a little more of a comforting "well, we'll work through it" type of attitude, especially in such a harsh situation. She took the same vows, so it goes BOTH ways!
As for your views on women, well, that's a lot tougher. I have to agree its no excuse, but stress and lack of sleep do play a huge role in altering your state of mind and your decision making process! Nevertheless, it seems as if you are having trouble separating your fantasies from what is really going on. This may not be the case, but you are acting far to much on impulse rather than using your rationale and abiding by what is considered acceptable and adhering to limitations to keep yourself out of trouble. look, i would be happy to discuss any matters you have, wither in this thread or in a more private setting, but I think you need to take a few steps back, examine the situation, setermine what it is you want, and prioritize those wants in order of most important. Then set out and take care of that list my friend.
As for those giving the man grief over posting here in such a difficult situation, I feel I would do the same. He is getting honest advive/opinions form people that have nothing vested in the situation. the best way to analyze a situation is usualy from the outside lookin in, not vice versa. That way no personal agendas or emotions cloud your thinking. its just a way to get a different view and try and see the situation from a different angle, one he may not have previously considered.
wish you nothing but the best in your endeavors, hope everything works out for you in the end! and don't hide behind any rocks. . . better to get a move on things before they get any worse.:2 cents:
Well, this is all very shocking.
Where to begin?
First of all, the woman pretty much started the whole conversation...and she continued it. Blah to her.
Secondly, to quote mongo18--
I agree with him there. Very true, at least in my opinion.
Third...I think you were foolish to call the woman. She was equally foolish to agree to meet you...at a bar, no less. No one's the winner there.
For what it's worth, I voted It happens, we understand, hope you are forgiven, but learn from it!
I'll think on this while I'm at work tomorrow and get back to this.
Where to begin?
First of all, the woman pretty much started the whole conversation...and she continued it. Blah to her.
Secondly, to quote mongo18--
mongo18 said:
I agree with him there. Very true, at least in my opinion.
Third...I think you were foolish to call the woman. She was equally foolish to agree to meet you...at a bar, no less. No one's the winner there.
For what it's worth, I voted It happens, we understand, hope you are forgiven, but learn from it!
I'll think on this while I'm at work tomorrow and get back to this.
Dude looks like you got set-up. That stupid bitch that was constantly talking about her figure and bust and all that crap should have been canned not you. As i remember she brought up the fat talk first. You were just being nice, and saying. "Oh your not fat". And went back to conversation. You got screwed. Absolute shit.
Also your wife shouldn't go along with something she doesn't like for that long. And say she likes it. I know how women play that reverse pshycology. But if somebody's doing something you don't like, you better say something. And not blame them for it. You thought it was cool. And whats different, from reading, you would have changed if you knew she didn't like it. Not your fault for her not speaking up. Your wife needs to get a backbone and speak up for her self or get treated like a bitch.
Ridiculous.
Also your wife shouldn't go along with something she doesn't like for that long. And say she likes it. I know how women play that reverse pshycology. But if somebody's doing something you don't like, you better say something. And not blame them for it. You thought it was cool. And whats different, from reading, you would have changed if you knew she didn't like it. Not your fault for her not speaking up. Your wife needs to get a backbone and speak up for her self or get treated like a bitch.
Ridiculous.
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