Awesome masturbation aid!

[SpandexBanana]

Take a cucumber. Cut one end off. Carefully scoop out the seeds with a knife and/or teaspoon until it will take your cock. You'll probably find that it quite fit when fully erect. If so, don't worry - here's the best part!

Carefully make a slice down one side of the cucumber and now put your cock in. The split will widen to accommodate your cock. Now, the important part - take a stretch bandage (the kind you use for sprains etc) and wrap it around the cucumber - this makes it feel tight, but it still expands to fit your cock.

Now, shove it between your sofa base and a cushion, stick on your favourite doggy POV and fuck away to your heart's content!

Sex is great, but there's nothing like the real thing!

Feedback, please!

 

[24788]

Umm,

Downsides
I'm broke
One time use
WTF
I would spend more time making it then using it.
WTF
WTF
I have no idea where to get a bandage for this
I would feel awkward buying a cucumber and bandages
and did I say wtf...

But if you have fun. I guess I shouldn't care.

 

[SpandexBanana]

Ha ha!

Upsides - cheap.

One time use - indeed, but what a time!

 

[Spleen]

Even cheaper, get a Biro and stick it down your piss hole then jerk off. You'll feel like a champ.

 

[DJCowboy]

But since the shape of a cucumber is like a penis, it would be like having sex with the inside of a penis. That's just sick, dude!

 

[SpandexBanana]

No imagination guys. Seriously, take some time out and get inventive.

 

[24788]

But since the shape of a cucumber is like a penis, it would be like having sex with the inside of a penis. That's just sick, dude!

I think you just defeated yourself on this one. If you've worn a condom before it's basically the same thing. Your fucking the inside of a penis.

No imagination guys. Seriously, take some time out and get inventive.

Why not just sweet talk a women. It's much easier then if you have nice abdominal muscles show them off. They'll be on their knees begging.

 

[Spleen]

No imagination guys. Seriously, take some time out and get inventive.

I'd rather have sex, thanks.

 

[DJCowboy]

I actually remember doing this, sans the cucumber, when I was in 7th grade or something. I don't think I've ever had such bad chaffing in my life!

 

[Shadowfax 10]

Wouldn't it be easier to buy a sex toy or something.

 

[GregCentauro]

I've heard about that before

http://www.foodland.gov.on.ca/english/vegetables/grnhsecuc/recipes/ham-fill-cucumber-cups.html

 

[L3ggy]

Take a cucumber. Cut one end off. Carefully scoop out the seeds with a knife and/or teaspoon until it will take your cock. You'll probably find that it quite fit when fully erect. If so, don't worry - here's the best part!

Carefully make a slice down one side of the cucumber and now put your cock in. The split will widen to accommodate your cock. Now, the important part - take a stretch bandage (the kind you use for sprains etc) and wrap it around the cucumber - this makes it feel tight, but it still expands to fit your cock.

Now, shove it between your sofa base and a cushion, stick on your favourite doggy POV and fuck away to your heart's content!

Sex is great, but there's nothing like the real thing!

Feedback, please!

You need help....

 

[jasonk282]

Sex is great, but there's nothing like the real thing!

I'd rather have the real thing. I am now going to call you cucumber fucker for now on.

 

[feller469]

does it have to be a doggy POV video?

 

[Shifty]

I prefer cucumbers in a salad.

 

[Facetious]

You guys are all part eggplant !


Oh, and butternut squash

 

[Spleen]

Sex is great, but there's nothing like the real thing!

You're so backwards you believe the "real thing" is fucking a vegetable?

 

[Jay1980]

I prefer cucumbers in a salad.

I do too, but because of this thread from now on every time that somebody makes/serves me a salad with cucumbers (or any cucumber based dish) I'm going to have to ask them before I eat it, " You don't happen to go by the name 'SpandexBanana' on any internet message boards, do you ? "

 

[JacknCoke]

Man why does everyone keep posting my great ideas all over the interweb?

That shit was suppose to be a secret!

 

[Alyssa Rose]

oh.. ew. Thats pretty weird.. I mean really?