Awesome masturbation aid!

S

SpandexBanana

Take a cucumber. Cut one end off. Carefully scoop out the seeds with a ***** and/or teaspoon until it will take your cock. You'll probably find that it quite fit when fully erect. If so, don't worry - here's the best part!

Carefully make a slice down one side of the cucumber and now put your cock in. The split will widen to accommodate your cock. Now, the important part - take a stretch bandage (the kind you use for sprains etc) and wrap it around the cucumber - this makes it feel tight, but it still expands to fit your cock.

Now, shove it between your sofa base and a cushion, stick on your favourite doggy POV and fuck away to your heart's content!

Sex is great, but there's nothing like the real thing!

Feedback, please!
 
Umm,

Downsides
I'm broke
One time use
WTF
I would spend more time making it then using it.
WTF
WTF
I have no idea where to get a bandage for this
I would feel awkward buying a cucumber and bandages
and did I say wtf...

But if you have fun. I guess I shouldn't care.
 
Even cheaper, get a Biro and stick it down your **** hole then jerk off. You'll feel like a champ.
 
But since the shape of a cucumber is like a penis, it would be like having sex with the inside of a penis. That's just sick, dude!
 
DJCowboy said:
But since the shape of a cucumber is like a penis, it would be like having sex with the inside of a penis. That's just sick, dude!
Click to expand...

I think you just defeated yourself on this one. If you've worn a condom before it's basically the same thing. Your fucking the inside of a penis.

SpandexBanana said:
No imagination guys. Seriously, take some time out and get inventive.
Click to expand...

Why not just sweet talk a women. It's much easier then if you have nice abdominal muscles show them off. They'll be on their knees begging.
 
I actually remember doing this, sans the cucumber, when I was in 7th grade or something. I don't think I've ever had such bad chaffing in my life!
 
SpandexBanana said:
Take a cucumber. Cut one end off. Carefully scoop out the seeds with a ***** and/or teaspoon until it will take your cock. You'll probably find that it quite fit when fully erect. If so, don't worry - here's the best part!

Carefully make a slice down one side of the cucumber and now put your cock in. The split will widen to accommodate your cock. Now, the important part - take a stretch bandage (the kind you use for sprains etc) and wrap it around the cucumber - this makes it feel tight, but it still expands to fit your cock.

Now, shove it between your sofa base and a cushion, stick on your favourite doggy POV and fuck away to your heart's content!

Sex is great, but there's nothing like the real thing!

Feedback, please!
Click to expand...

You need help....
 
Shifty said:
I prefer cucumbers in a salad.
Click to expand...
I do too, but because of this thread from now on every time that somebody makes/serves me a salad with cucumbers (or any cucumber based dish) I'm going to have to ask them before I eat it, " You don't happen to go by the name 'SpandexBanana' on any internet message boards, do you ? "
 
Man why does everyone keep posting my great ideas all over the interweb?

That **** was suppose to be a secret!
 
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