Ask ~~whimsy~~ for advice thread

[~~whimsy~~]

You need advice but have no friends? This thread is for you!

You need sound advice? Someone to listen to you go on about something? This thread is for you!

Come to this thread with your problems, worries, doubts, and fears. Whatever! I will give you advice to best tackle it!

Just keep it within board rules. Note I am not a lawyer. If it is a legal issue I am not the source to go to.

:hatsoff:


Please note that ~~whimsy~~ is not a certified problem solver, therapist, or psychologist; however, this is ~~whimsy~~, with that comes a great level of high quality. Just cheaper prices. Because I'm FREE! Hey, if you want to go out and spend a shitload of money on a therapist to ask you questions as a answer to a question you have, go on ahead.

 

[Neutron66]

Should I give my fleshlight a name?

And if so...should it be the name of a chick I know or a unique name?

 

[mrtrebus]

I cannot imagine any situation arising where I would choose to ask this whimsy character for advice. . .

Just sayin'

 

[Wizard Sleeves]

It burns when I pee.

 

[Jack Davenport]

I can't think of a question you are qualified to answer.

 

[~~whimsy~~]

I cannot imagine any situation arising where I would choose to ask this whimsy character for advice. . .

Just sayin'

That's because you are still upset that I never came over to watch White Out with you. And you're constipated. Prune juice should help you out there.

It burns when I pee.

Drink cranberry juice. That should help you in a day or so. If not, see a doctor, get a STD check.

I can't think of a question you are qualified to answer.

Don't you have a shitlist to manage?

Should I give my fleshlight a name?

And if so...should it be the name of a chick I know or a unique name?

Ever thought about naming it after a crush you had back in high school or college?

Or a celebrity even. Pick a name, change a name, fleshlights don't care nor do they judge.

Should I turn all my pants into cutoffs?

Only some. If you mow grass I would say cut two into cut offs. Beyond that, buy shorts, they will be better looking on you, too. Women don't like cut offs on men.

Do you think I'm sexy?

Of course you are. Now go look in the mirror and repeat to yourself you are sexy. ~~whimsy~~ says so.

Why is my siggy (and featured girl) so much damn hotter than yours? How much does this irritate you?

Your gal is hot. However, going by your sig changes, you don't care about the women in your sig as much as I care about the adorable sweetheart in mine. You change yours because you are upset with yourself about something. I am secure with my feelings towards Kimmy. Teen. One day you will learn to not treat women like sexual objects and realize they are human beings. Not just a sig you can change on a weekly, bi-weekly basis. It doesn't irritate me at all for you have to feel you must define yourself with your sigs. You change your sigs and that is actually just your way of saying you are afraid of commitment. It's ok. A lot of us have been down that road.

 

[LukeEl]

Should I turn all my pants into cutoffs?

 

[andrea_]

Do you think I'm sexy?

 

[Ace Bandage]

Why is my siggy (and featured girl) so much damn hotter than yours? How much does this irritate you?

 

[Jack Davenport]

Don't you have a shitlist to manage?

:o:1orglaugh

 

[Wizard Sleeves]

Everytime I attempt to talk to a girl, she screams and runs the opposite direction. What am I doing wrong?

 

[andrea_]

Another question, Mr. Whims, do you think dressing as Colombo would help me get laid?

...or should I wear moustaches Magnum P.I. style?

...Who let the dogs out?

...are baked beans good to eat before getting stuck in a broken elevator?

 

[~~whimsy~~]

Everytime I attempt to talk to a girl, she screams and runs the opposite direction. What am I doing wrong?

You're walking up to them. That's what you are doing wrong. Make them come to you! Make them want you! They smell desperation like a dog smells fear. You are best off playing it cool, do your own thing, flirt with them across the room and then go up to another woman and initiate a conversation. Don't worry about it. Soon a girl will be seeing you doing something you like to do that she also likes to do and you two will hit it off. Better to be genuine than to not be yourself.

Another question, Mr. Whims, do you think dressing as Colombo would help me get laid?

...or should I wear moustaches Magnum P.I. style?

...Who let the dogs out?

...are baked beans good to eat before getting stuck in a broken elevator?

No. No. Lazy people who can't latch their fences. Depending on if you get embarrass easily.

 

[fingers_bob]

Should I pay Eva's phone bill?

 

[on]

I'm writing a crime thriller about about a chicken that swims from Peru to New Zealand before stumbling upon an evil plot to breed camels with killer wasps in order to take over the sahara. Can you suggest a good name please. Something catchy!

 

[~~whimsy~~]

Should I pay Eva's phone bill?

No. Do you think someone would come to you to offer to pay an extravagant bill?

I'm writing a crime thriller about about a chicken that swims from Peru to New Zealand before stumbling upon an evil plot to breed camels with killer wasps in order to take over the sahara. Can you suggest a good name please. Something catchy!

The Chicken that Crossed the Ocean

 

[lurkingdirk]

I've been peeing in my neighbours garage for a year now. He keeps talking about how much his garage smells like animal piss. He's set live traps, spent whole nights sitting up with a gun, and he's had pest control in almost 20 times. A short while ago he started talking about burning the garage down. His obsession with the source of the pee-smell has been all consuming. He's stopped going to work, his wife left him, and he's clinically depressed. Every morning he goes to the garage, takes a big sniff, and curses loudly for nearly 20 minutes without stop. However, I keep peeing in the garage when I can be certain he's not looking.

Have I taken the joke too far? Should I confess?

 

[BlueBalls]

If I were to ask you for advice, would you give me some?

 

[Wizard Sleeves]

I've been peeing in my neighbours garage for a year now. He keeps talking about how much his garage smells like animal piss. He's set live traps, spent whole nights sitting up with a gun, and he's had pest control in almost 20 times. A short while ago he started talking about burning the garage down. His obsession with the source of the pee-smell has been all consuming. He's stopped going to work, his wife left him, and he's clinically depressed. Every morning he goes to the garage, takes a big sniff, and curses loudly for nearly 20 minutes without stop. However, I keep peeing in the garage when I can be certain he's not looking.

Have I taken the joke too far? Should I confess?

Shit, I can answer that for you. No.

 

[fingers_bob]

No. Do you think someone would come to you to offer to pay an extravagant bill?

Thank you.