...

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

Ugh. I heard he started dating her after they did that movie “Made in America”. Dude deserves a medal for getting up in that.

If you spend enough time with a lady you gotta strap on the feed bag sooner or later and occasionally too. He must have had to go outside and siphon gasoline to get that sour curdled taste out of his mouth.

 

[xfire]

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

I used to work with this wannabee-Soprano cast member named Vic who I nicknamed Victor 2 Times 'cuz everything he said he'd have to say two times. He'd show up late for work, quickly freshen up in the bathroom, then when he got behind the bar he'd say, "Hadda take'a Puerto Rican Shower... Puerto Rican Shower."

 

[The Yak]

Let's drive fast and eat cheese!!

 

[xfire]

On Danny Trejo's Facebook page-

 

[Mr. Daystar]

I love that guy. After I saw "Bubble Boy", all I could do, was think about cutting the vatto.

 

[The Yak]

I thought I hit rock bottom in a handicap stall in Bangkok when a Thai ladyboy snorted crank off my johnson while a sunburned German watched us on the toilet.

 

[The Yak]

I need some advice. I recently began spending time with a lovely young woman I met while walking around my apartment complex. We get along well and I would like our relationship to move in a more romantic direction. Due to a misunderstanding, she is under the mistaken impression that my penis was bitten off by a Rottweiler when I was eight so she may not view me as a possible suitor. How can I tell her, in a non-creepy way, that I do, in fact, have a (mostly) working penis?

 

[Torre82]

It's true.

 

[Mr. Daystar]

I need some advice. I recently began spending time with a lovely young woman I met while walking around my apartment complex. We get along well and I would like our relationship to move in a more romantic direction. Due to a misunderstanding, she is under the mistaken impression that my penis was bitten off by a Rottweiler when I was eight so she may not view me as a possible suitor. How can I tell her, in a non-creepy way, that I do, in fact, have a (mostly) working penis?

Take her hand in yours, look into her eyes, and tell her, I like spending time with you, and I want you to know, that I have romantic intentions, so there are no misunderstandings. I know you may be hesitant, do to the Rottweiler story, and while my tongue is more then any woman would ever need, I do in fact still have my cock. it may not be as majestic as it was, had we meet 20 years ago, but I do believe you will come to adore it. Then lean in, and softly kiss her.

 

[xfire]

Due to a misunderstanding, she is under the mistaken impression that my penis was bitten off by a Rottweiler when I was eight

That would be one helluva story to tell around the campfire.

 

[The Yak]

To spice up your next family gathering, do the following: When there is a sufficiently large group of people in one room watching television, walk in nude and stand in front of the TV. Hold your arms out horizontally so that you form a "T" and begin spinning in place. After building up some speed, begin to urinate and spread piss around the room as though you are a sprinkler.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

An honest villain is better than a phony hero.
-anonymous

 

[Torre82]

today's wisdom:
Alcohol rehab should just be 3 drunk MF's setting around you doing drunk things while you sober up.


https://nypost.com/2023/06/08/bill-murray-72-dating-milkshake-singer-chef-kelis-43-report/

Bill Murray + Kelis.
Things i thought I'd never read.

 

[The Yak]

I have written before about interesting situations where a phrase or sound will remind me of some of pornography I have viewed in the past and I then find myself thinking about a given scene in an unusual setting.

I go on walks in the morning. This morning, I was walking past a local Dunkin' Donuts and heard a female employee say through the drive-thru microphone, "Do you want cheese on your bagel?". I do not know if it was her cadence or tone or just the fact that it was a woman asking the question but it reminded me of the parts in the movies when the women ask questions about performing various sex acts. I was hoping the woman ordering would continue with the breakfast related sex talk:

"Ohhhhhh yeah I really want some hot cheese on that bagel."
"I know you do. You are such a slut for cheese on a bagel."

But that's not what happened. The woman simply said yes, she wanted cheese on the bagel and the other woman told her much it would cost.

 

[Torre82]

Today's wisdom:

It doesn't count as theft if you say "yoink" as you do it.

 

[The Yak]

 

[Supafly]

History

10th of June

1692 – Salem witch trials: Bridget Bishop is hanged at Gallows Hill near Salem, Massachusetts, for "certaine Detestable Arts called Witchcraft and Sorceries".

1829 – The first Boat Race between the University of Oxford and the University of Cambridge takes place on the Thames in London.

1898 – Spanish–American War: In the Battle of Guantánamo Bay, U.S. Marines begin the American invasion of Spanish-held Cuba.

1935 – Dr. Robert Smith takes his last drink, and Alcoholics Anonymous is founded in Akron, Ohio, United States, by him and Bill Wilson.

1967 – The Six-Day War ends: Israel and Syria agree to a cease-fire.

 

[Torre82]

Today's wisdom:

The air quality in new York is so bad, you can't even smell the garbage and urine. So win-win.

----------

"When it comes to guns and Alec Baldwin? I stand by him. Mostly off to the side or behind him."

 

[The Yak]

I bought some Cara Cara oranges recently and the bag advertises them as "Pink Inside". Lots of opportunity for vagina based humor there.