Walking down the aisle...

[alexios]

Yes, this topic was bound to come up sooner or later...

I'd like some input from everyone here:

How do you know if you're ready to get married? How do you know if you're NOT ready to get married? How do you know if your doubts are natural and to be expected, or if you should really take heed of them?


I'd be glad to give you all the background information that you want, but both sides of this issue make good cases.

 

[TonyBro]

If you have to ask the question, you ain't ready. If you have no doubts you are.
Resolve the doubts.

 

[slowhand]

Trust me you know when your ready to get married If you have any doubts your not ready. And make sure the girl is the one you want to be married to for the rest of your life. you dont want to rush the biggest call of your life.

 

[squallumz]

when i was still "dating" my gf, there was a point where i would go home and literally feel sick. my stomach would ache, my thoughts were just a mess, and i had this weird feeling in my soul that i didnt belong at home right now.

it took my a few days or so to figure out that it was because i wasnt with her.

after my realization, i moved in with her. i felt so complete when i was with her. a couple of years later (because of faults of my own (drugs, another girl, a short separation because of her) i know that i will never find another person like the one im with now. i think about this for a long time, picturing myself without this person. i cant see myself with anyone better, there is no fucking way. that is when we started talking about marriage. about a month or 2 later, we are married. life has been great since.

you'll know.

 

[anomaly]

Why are you getting married and why are you marrying this person is the questions you should be asking.

 

[alexios]

Let me explain please: You see, we both care for each other deeply, but I think a lot of my worries stem from the fact that it is difficult for us to spend a large amount of time together. We've known each other for roughly 2.5 years

I guess the biggest part of my problem is the distance. It isn't easy for us to spend time together because she lives in Eastern Europe and I'm in the USA. As you can imagine, it isn't easy for me to shell out $1500 to get there at the drop of a hat, and the only sure-fire way to get her here is with a fiancee visa, which also has the caveat of us having to get married within 90 days of her arrival. Thanks to this, I sort of feel like I'm stuck between two options: almost immediate marriage or complete isolation from her (and we all know the possible outcome there).

 

[Christmas_Ape]

Bust size? Does she do anal? Is her daddy rich? Those should be good starters...

 

[ghoul]

its like...how do you know its the right car for you? you have to test her out then buy the ring

 

[squallumz]

Bust size? Does she do anal? Is her daddy rich? Those should be good starters...

niice.

 

[McRocket]

when i was still "dating" my gf, there was a point where i would go home and literally feel sick. my stomach would ache, my thoughts were just a mess, and i had this weird feeling in my soul that i didnt belong at home right now.

it took my a few days or so to figure out that it was because i wasnt with her.

after my realization, i moved in with her. i felt so complete when i was with her. a couple of years later (because of faults of my own (drugs, another girl, a short separation because of her) i know that i will never find another person like the one im with now. i think about this for a long time, picturing myself without this person. i cant see myself with anyone better, there is no fucking way. that is when we started talking about marriage. about a month or 2 later, we are married. life has been great since.

you'll know.

You obviously didn't feel that complete or you would have not have fooled around on her (assuming that is what is meant by 'another girl').



As for alexios? If there is a doubt, there is no doubt.

BTW She is from Eastern Europe? Are you 100% sure that she is not VERY anxious to get out of Eastern Europe by almost any means? Eastern Europe is much better then it was 20 years ago. But it still doesn't come close to USA in terms of prosperity (depending on which Eastern Europeon country she lives in).

Hope things work out for both of you.

 

[Jagger69]

This one is EASY for me....I have the sure-fire test for you. Here it is....


Ask yourself this...."Am I absolutely certain that this is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with?".

IF YOU EVEN HESITATE TO SAY "YES", don't do it......

 

[squallumz]

You obviously didn't feel that complete or you would have not have fooled around on her (assuming that is what is meant by 'another girl').

im going to take offense to that. you do not know me. and what happened was this girl got me on a certain drug and it fucked up my thinking hard. i didnt know what i was doing and i suffered greatly for it. i almost lost my soul-mate. because she truly was my soul-mate we worked it out and its long forgotten. so please, do not jump to conclusions or make assumptions. kthx.

 

[senob44]

Bust size? Does she do anal? Is her daddy rich? Those should be good starters...

Christmas Ape said what we were all thinking!

 

[McRocket]

im going to take offense to that. you do not know me. and what happened was this girl got me on a certain drug and it fucked up my thinking hard. i didnt know what i was doing and i suffered greatly for it. i almost lost my soul-mate. because she truly was my soul-mate we worked it out and its long forgotten. so please, do not jump to conclusions or make assumptions. kthx.

You typed there was another girl. I see nothing wrong with typing that you fooled around with her based on that statement. And considering that is exactly what you did - I definitely do not see the need to take offense.


And as for your fooling around. I was about as fucked up on drugs as you can get and I don't ever remember wanting to fool around on anyone because of it.

But I will grant you this. If this fooling around was a one night thing that lasted a few minutes while you were high as a kite on a brand new to you very powerful drug; then I can see it (to a point).
But if this was longer then one evening then you cannot blame the drug. You were weak - period.
Now if it was the former, I regret that I offended you (even though I typed nothing that was not true).
But if it was the latter, then I apologize for nothing and it sounds like you are fortunate your gal took you back.

 

[alexios]

Bust size? Does she do anal? Is her daddy rich? Those should be good starters...

I love you Ape..you're all heart. :rofl:

The World According to Ape: "All you need is love...and big tits." :thumbsup:

 

[Sarah86]

I think it is pretty hard to know you will want to stay with the same person forever. Everything changes so much that unless you are both equally willing to sacrifice like crazy then it is not worth it.

 

[alexios]

As for alexios? If there is a doubt, there is no doubt.

BTW She is from Eastern Europe? Are you 100% sure that she is not VERY anxious to get out of Eastern Europe by almost any means? Eastern Europe is much better then it was 20 years ago. But it still doesn't come close to USA in terms of prosperity (depending on which Eastern Europeon country she lives in).

Hope things work out for both of you.

Yes, she is from the Republic of Moldova. While it is the poorest country in Europe, the idea of our relationship being just for her getting out has never entered into the picture. Not to be too deep or technical, but I have encountered women like this before, with their consistent asking for money or insistence on marriage and a visa...and my girlfriend is nothing like this. Furthermore, if my words and the emotions that I share with her aren't enough to convince you 100%, it might help to tell you that she controls my finances there and she works for an American organization there.

To be honest, here is why I asked this question here: I can imagine that, right up until the "I do's," all people are prone to have at least some doubts, fears, and worries about the whole thing. Sure, they might not be major issues, but I'm sure that they are there for everyone. Considering that, I'm just trying to gauge how much of this is my own natural anxiety over the situation, and how much is actually stuff that should cause me to refrain and think things over.

 

[McRocket]

Yes, she is from the Republic of Moldova. While it is the poorest country in Europe, the idea of our relationship being just for her getting out has never entered into the picture. Not to be too deep or technical, but I have encountered women like this before, with their consistent asking for money or insistence on marriage and a visa...and my girlfriend is nothing like this. Furthermore, if my words and the emotions that I share with her aren't enough to convince you 100%, it might help to tell you that she controls my finances there and she works for an American organization there.

To be honest, here is why I asked this question here: I can imagine that, right up until the "I do's," all people are prone to have at least some doubts, fears, and worries about the whole thing. Sure, they might not be major issues, but I'm sure that they are there for everyone. Considering that, I'm just trying to gauge how much of this is my own natural anxiety over the situation, and how much is actually stuff that should cause me to refrain and think things over.

Well, no offense, but that doesn't convince me. The fact that she is from Moldova makes me more suspicious. And the fact she does not ask for money or does the typical patterns also doesn't mean she is genuine. A truly intelligent person would never be dumb enough to give away their intentions until after the ceremony. And since she knows you have seen it before, she knows that would scare you off (to ask for money, etc.). Though the fact she works for an American company could be good.

But I trust no one and I think it is foolish to ever trust anyone completely (short of offspring). And I am not typing that she is using you.
But you would not be the first intelligent person whom has 'been around' and 'seen it all' only to be taken for a ride nonetheless. To blindly trust is for suckers, IMO.

I sincerely wish you well though and hope it all works out.

But I have two final words of advice for you - pre nup (no matter how much money you do or do not have).

 

[alexios]

Well, no offense, but that doesn't convince me. The fact that she is from Moldova makes me more suspicious. And the fact she does not ask for money or does the typical patterns also doesn't mean she is genuine. A truly intelligent person would never be dumb enough to give away their intentions until after the ceremony. And since she knows you have seen it before, she knows that would scare you off (to ask for money, etc.). Though the fact she works for an American company could be good.

But I trust no one and I think it is foolish to ever trust anyone completely (short of offspring). And I am not typing that she is using you.
But you would not be the first intelligent person whom has 'been around' and 'seen it all' only to be taken for a ride nonetheless. To blindly trust is for suckers, IMO.

I sincerely wish you well though and hope it all works out.

But I have two final words of advice for you - pre nup (no matter how much money you do or do not have).

Don't worry, I'll take what you said in the spirit that you meant it, there's no need for anyone that says anything on this topic to be defensive about what they write. What you said does make a lot of sense; however, I am personally buoyed by the point that she hasn't tried anything with the money I have there....even when I insist that she buy something for herself, she won't do it. She's never really struck me as someone who would look to blind-side me like that...she's worked very hard for everything she's gotten, has her master's degree, and never tried to simply seduce me or bed me for any gains. After being with her, staying with her in her flat, spending a good deal of time with her...such a change would be a complete 180 from the rest of her life. From my point of view, if she was out to get something, it would've been extremely easy for her to just take the money that I sent her to deposit there. By the way, don't worry...I always think that a pre-nup is the way to go.

 

[KittyKat]

We've known each other for roughly 2.5 years

I guess the biggest part of my problem is the distance. It isn't easy for us to spend time together because she lives in Eastern Europe and I'm in the USA. As you can imagine, it isn't easy for me to shell out $1500 to get there at the drop of a hat, and the only sure-fire way to get her here is with a fiancee visa, which also has the caveat of us having to get married within 90 days of her arrival. Thanks to this, I sort of feel like I'm stuck between two options: almost immediate marriage or complete isolation from her (and we all know the possible outcome there).

It's a difficult situation, one that myself and Dr Death are also going through right now. The only difference being I'm from England. The fiancee visa's are also fairly difficult to get ahold of - maybe I read it wrong, but I thought the visa didn't nec. mean you had to get married, just that you can spend an extended period of time together?

I do wish you both well, as for knowing if she 'is the one'? Only you can answer that question. How do you feel about NOT having this person in your life?