Virginity at 22 Problem

[bankmonkey]

Ok, so here I am at an anonymous forum and here goes:

I'm 22 ,virgin, but employed with a good job in a big city. I am asian-american; it is virtually impossible for me to get dates with people outside my own race, however, the city and my contacts throughout my life have been almost exclusively white.

I've passed through college, almost all four years, never been kissed by another woman nor even engaged anything remotely romantic in real life. I've gone on a grand total of only four lunch/dinner dates in my life so far that have led to nothing. They have all been with asian women.

Then the strangest thing happened more than a year ago, when I accidently made a female friend on a history website. She was europeon, and we instantly became very good pen pals; writing letters to each other and talking about our lives on an instant messenger sometimes. We were very similiar and got along. I was extremely surprised to discover that she was a very attractive and kind-looking blonde, a little older than me when we first used webcams.

By the third month of correspondance, things started to get out of control. We started to fall in love with each other, and started to speak on webcam,etc.. This lasted the greater part of one year. I has a business trip in her country in europe, but was unable to have time to see her.

AS the relationship continued, I personally had to stomach the shameful endevor of watching her pleasure herself dozens of times as we webcamed each other for lack of physical contact. We wanted each other very much, but both knew that a future between us was virtually impossible.

Eventually, the long-distance relationship collasped. It was too much for her. I watched her cry many times.

I've been extremely embarassed about this and essentially, all my friends and family believe that I've had a normal relationship life. I've since never spoke to a living soul about this and will only reveal this shame anonymously.

What do you strangers think? What do you think is my problem? Any suggestions?

 

[xxaru]

You're ashamed about meeting a hot chick on the web and masturbating with her via webcam?? Nothing to be ashamed of there IMO. But, you should've just sent her a plane ticket to come visit you. You could've been getting it on face to face instead of using a webcam.

 

[bankmonkey]

But, you should've just sent her a plane ticket to come visit you. "

She couldn't get off work. She was speaking to me from asian for a period of four monthes. The relationship went to shit soon after.

My problem is that I've 22 and I'm still a virgin.

 

[MADIronMaiden]

Nothing to be ashamed of mate! BTW, why do you think you couldnt get a non asian girl?

 

[DOA82]

I think thats an odd choice for a first post. I particularly enjoyed the part of stomaching her perform the shameful act of pleasuring herself, if you felt it was so shameful, why did you watch? why did you accept her invites? What stopped you from telling this person you claimed to be falling in love with that youd rather she not do this in front of you.
Furthermore you didnt have the time to see her? Let me get this part straight. You are in her country, neigh her back door and you didnt have time...you claim you love her yet you didnt have time for her, thats a piss poor excuse for missing out, if someone meant that much to you, you wouldve made the damn time!
My own beliefs in love though do not involve having this emotion for someone you havent seen with your own eyes or even touched.
Did you simply watch her shows, or did you also show her anything on your behalf? If you did then you werent as ashamed as you would claim to have been.
I will not say I dont believe your story as a whole, I have done the long distance relationship as well and it took up a lot of my time and destroyed a little bit of the person I was. But I question to much about it.

(I was a virgin til I was 24, cry me a bloody river pal!)

 

[bankmonkey]

Sorry, but I'm not here to troll around. This is an skeleton in a closet I have.

Furthermore you didnt have the time to see her?"

I was on a business trip. I had a ridiculous itinerary and would have been fired if I strayed from it. She lived on the other side of the country.


My own beliefs in love though do not involve having this emotion for someone you havent seen with your own eyes or even touched."

Yeah, I thought I was crazy as well. I tried to stop it, but in the end I couldn't, I was in it too deep and her as well. I regret not leaving faster, but it was the first person I loved, ok?

 

[bankmonkey]

Nothing to be ashamed of mate! BTW, why do you think you couldnt get a non asian girl?

Being Asian, I don't have much confidence courting non-asian women. I don't feel my chances are very high, and I have the fear of being exposed to odd looks and ridicule by the said white/latina/black woman if I do.

 

[DOA82]

If you are going to hide behind race as an excuse to keep yourself safe and not expose yourself to the dangers of being vulnerable then you are going to be alone and seemingly more importantly, a virgin for a long time yet.

 

[bankmonkey]

If you are going to hide behind race as an excuse to keep yourself safe and not expose yourself to the dangers of being vulnerable then you are going to be alone and seemingly more importantly, a virgin for a long time yet.

How many times have you seen an asian man with a white woman? Seriously????

I've seen it once, and I've been in a big city for the last five years.

Believe me, I've tried. I'm a plain looking in any event, so it doesn't really tilt to my favor.

 

[xxaru]

I was on a business trip. I had a ridiculous itinerary and would have been fired if I strayed from it. She lived on the other side of the country.

You could've flown out there the day the "business trip" ended. Call in sick, take the day off, or whatever.

As for your virginity problem... if it bothers you that much then just get a prostitute.

As for your problems getting a date... well, you'll have to work on that on your own. How do girls react when you approach them?

 

[DOA82]

Seriously? Plenty of times. What does it matter what race you are and what race your partner is, if someone, anyone is so small minded to criticise that then who the hell cares what they think? Outside of religion whats to stop anyone short of a narrowminded, dare I say nazi approach to inter racial dating.

 

[bankmonkey]

You could've flown out there the day the "business trip" ended. Call in sick, take the day off, or whatever.

How do girls react when you approach them?

Well, I should've said it earlier, but she didn't want us to meet even though I insisted. It was a confused situation. She was afraid that it would drive her deeper, which would make it worse.

She could've been with another man in retrospect. But at the time I heartfeltedly agreed to her request. I was a little afraid that the thing would get worse if I met her for a few days, and just left...so we both decided to let the thing die.

As for the second question, most girls are completley disinterested and don't want anything to do with me no matter how hard I try. There are barely any people of my race around, hence the frustration.

I'm not completely clueless, but I can see the natural racism (yes, its' there) happen. I've approached women many times, had a nice short conversation, and obviously not hit any cords no matter how hard I try.

 

[DOA82]

You said you didnt have time to see her first, and now you say she didnt want to meet? Those are two very hard to mix up reasons for not meeting.

 

[Legzman]

I flew to D.C. one year to see some chick I met in a chat room. We talked for a few months and she sent pictures...yada, yada, yada. She lived in Nicouraqua(sp?) but was born in the states. Was there visiting friends over the 4th of july. She was sexy as hell, looked like the human virgin of tinkerbell!!! I was a virgin when I went. Worked out quite nicely!

I am asian-american; it is virtually impossible for me to get dates with people outside my own race

That's gotta suck, just dating asian chicks...wish I had that problem I could only ever get dates with white chicks.

 

[MADIronMaiden]

There is no problem for asians to date white girls... Just be a good guy and you can get any girls from any race... Race doesnt have anything to do with love and dating... Don't worry about that.

 

[Torre82]

Statistically, asian guys have it the worst.

Although.. statistically.. they're the most loyal. The most wealthy. Usually the most EDUCATED! But once again, if you're an Asian male.. you're pretty much screwed.

I had a friend long ago, he had great clothes, a BMW SUV.. he was fun to talk to.. but he couldnt score for the life of him. Some time later my girl.. who often finds interesting facts, obscure studies and the like.. told me of the plight of the Asian male. The polar opposite of the Asian female. Everybody wants a ***/chinese chick... but you dont see anyone jumping at the chance to be with bankmonkey, here. And statistically.. this isnt just an isolated case.

I dunno what to tell ya, bro.

 

[bankmonkey]

Statistically, asian guys have it the worst.
.

Yeah, as the years pass I kinda see it. I've never been approached by a white/latino/black woman nor have ever scored a date with one.

I only got the blonde europeon girl to love me because of my personality, nothing really else. Even then, it took quite a long time for her to fall for me. And this was online...........

It would be cool though, if someone here could have some useful tips.

Most statistics are BS, but one that I can personally attest to is that chinese-americans' kids tend to failures at a far greater rate than their parents because they grow up as spoiled rich kids since their parents(my generation) work their ass off.

But one thing is sure: You don't see any Asian male pornstars. Ever.

 

[calpoon]

lots of white girls like asian guys. I don't know where that is coming from. and what's wrong with dating people inside of your own race? if that's not what you're into, that's ok I can respect that. but seeing as how your sex life is an issue for you I wouldn't be throwing out the baby with the bathwater, you know what I'm saying? if you meet a girl that's nice and reasonably atractive you should go for that, bottom line. I'm not saying that you should do a one night stand or anonymous hook up, but you can't expect all relationships to lead to marriage. in other words just find a girl to have a good time with and sooner than later you guys will be rolling in the hay and whatever happens happens. if it doesn't work out for the long haul, no big deal, and you will have gained the experience and maybe a little bit more self confidence.

 

[Torre82]

Asian women often date/marry outside their race
http://goldsea.com/Air/Issues/Irmen/irmen_0627.html

The American symptom of Desexualized Asian Males
http://social.chass.ncsu.edu/jouvert/v2i1/Kee.htm

The same thing has actually been said in studies where white women preferred black partners. The white male in America hasnt been seen as a powerful figure of stability since the 50s. Gender equality? Genetic desirability? Not a subject I really wanna tackle. What I'm sure of.. is that we humans sure do like diversity. In theory. But in practice we really just want the same thing wrapped in a different box on a different day, it seems.

Take a trip to another country. Go to a strange hotel. And then... plop yer fat ass down and watch THEIR tv stations, drink THEIR beer.

 

[bankmonkey]

I personally am more attracted to nonasian women a lot more.

It's probably because, being born and raised here, I'm not very interested or in touch with my asian cultural roots. Too American, even though I am perfectly fluent in my native language.

I just don't find most asian women to be particularily sexy, interesting, or attractive as to a greater extent as Europeon women (espec. german/argentian women) or many other nonasian women.

Not a particularily good spot to be in.