to much jerking off?

[jasonk282]

To be clear, it was not my suggestion that this gentleman should find another girl, or that he should leave his wife. I stated a simple fact that a loss of intimacy in a relationship does sometimes lead to this happening. That's life and it is a fact. There are far too many divorces in the U.S. and the western world, and far too many childen grow up without the benefit of both parents being in their lives. So I really hope that these two do work it out, which is why I suggested couples therapy. It certainly sounds like he wants it to work. And though we only have his side of the story, I am not about to agree that it is only up to him to make this work. It is up to both of them. Making any relationship work is a two way street. Modern PC double standards tend to ignore that realization.

A fellow that I worked with years ago developed diabetes. The disease resulted in him becoming impotent. This was before the days of Viagra and other ED drugs. After about a year, his wife left him and sued him for a divorce on loss of intimacy grounds. If there were not double standards in the courts (which I feel there quite often are), she should have been patient and sympathetic to the fact that he had a life altering and very serious disease. But the judge seemed to agree with her position, that the marriage should not continue if her sexual needs could no longer be met. Not nice. But as I said, that's life.

So, again, I hope that jasonk282 and his wife work this out. But no, I'm not going to agree that he is in any way, shape or form the bad guy here - I don't care if he jerks off 20 times a day. From what he has said, he has not done what many other men have done, or would do. Rather than tell him to suck it up or he doesn't have it so bad, I prefer suggesting a course of action where both people contribute to making this marriage work for both of them. If she's not willing to do that, then I guess what happens happens.

Just :2 cents: from the happy, confirmed bachelor... with no kids.

The fact that BOTH of our parents are divorced and when we get engaged we made a vow to each other that we would not end up like our parents. I know what she is going through is hard and challenging, I was in the deliverly room holding her leg while she was giving birth, that was the most beautiful thing I have every saw what my child being born. Our work scheduals are now conflicting as I was working days when the first few months but now got promoted to another location and am working the 12-9 shift so I am home late and she has to get up early. I understand that it's hard for her to be intimate when she has to get up at 6 and work all day then take care of him at night. Really all that I am asking for is sex at the least once a week.

Tonight she took him to a local amsument park in Pittsburgh and got homew late, she built his high chair and after that when she was pumping she was falling asleep. I am by no means pressuring her and with her working in a medical field I am schooled in the medical conditions that she could be suffering from. Just getting to a professional doctor would really be hard to do with our conflicting work scheduals and her working 12 hours days. So i just endure and life goes on I guess. The though of me actuallying being unfaitful has never crossed my mind

 

[Rey C.]

The though of me actuallying being unfaitful has never crossed my mind

I didn't sense that it had. That's why I feel for you. In fact, I feel for both of you. And I wish you both much luck. You're probably a nice couple, so it would be sad to hear that you'd grown apart... which I know for a fact can and does happen once people stop connecting (and I don't mean just sexually).

Best of luck. :thumbsup:

 

[Ashleigh]

So i just endure and life goes on I guess. The though of me actuallying being unfaitful has never crossed my mind

Good, it makes me happy to read that. You know, EVERY marriage goes through a dry spell. Its inevitable. As people age, bodies change, big life changing events take place....things happen. Dry spells happen at some point in every marriage and this is just yours. There are probably thousands of men in your position too, with new babies and wives that aren't ready to be intimate yet. (Either that, or theres just no time in the day)

If it makes you feel any better, I'm a newlywed, 24 yrs old and I don't get regular sex at all. Maybe once a month or twice. Not by choice, but because our schedules are conflicting and my hubby works sooo many hours at his job that he's just too tired when he comes home. And I understand and don't pressure him for it because I know he doesn't need that on him right now when he already has so much responsibility. I know that this is our dry spell and one day when his workload eases off, we'll make up for lost time. In the meantime, I get to spend MY time bating as much as I want so...you do what you gotta do in the meantime and just get ready for things to pick up again.

 

[Hot Mega]

Duh! I guess we've all been over analyzing this then. I mean the premise of your post is your wife says you're whacking too much...you explained why you're whacking so much.

I guess the first and most obvious post responding to this thread should have been to tell your wife, "see Newton's Third Law" and the case would have been closed.:dunno:

 

[D-rock]

She them comes down stairs and says "you know what I want to do" In an excited fashion I answer "hopefully me". She says" HAHA no, clean the basement"

I don't want to make lite of the situation, but I found that kind of funny.

 

[Member2019]

So my wife says that I jerk off to much. I do it just about once a day which I feel is healthy. Pluse we just had our first baby in feb and she has not given me any pussy since november so I think its fine considering that I am not going out and looking for other girls to fuck

I've gotta agree with you.

You have a right to unload. It's healthy, once a day. If your lover has a problem with that, tell her she's more than welcome to join you. After all, it's her you want, and you have a healthy, bodily cycle that you're not going to deny yourself. You'd like her to be the natural, real part of that, which is just one of the many reasons why you married her.

As I told my wife many years ago, "we're not getting any younger and there will come a day when you're going to be kicking yourself for not taking advantage of every day when you could, physically make love." She's been a fuck bunny ever since.

 

[jasonk282]

I've gotta agree with you.

You have a right to unload. It's healthy, once a day. If your lover has a problem with that, tell her she's more than welcome to join you. After all, it's her you want, and you have a healthy, bodily cycle that you're not going to deny yourself. You'd like her to be the natural, real part of that, which is just one of the many reasons why you married her.

As I told my wife many years ago, "we're not getting any younger and there will come a day when you're going to be kicking yourself for not taking advantage of every day when you could, physically make love." She's been a fuck bunny ever since.

I have invited her to join me many time. She said what do I get out of it. Well you get a happy husband and who knows You Might get wet and want to have sex. But still she turned it down. Today our son was taking his nap and it was a prime oppurtunity but she decided that cleaning the bathroom closet out was a better idea, not to mention that she was walking around in her boyshorts and tank top all monring. I even went to take a shower for work and invited her to join but she declined saying that there was more work to be done on the closet.

 

[Ashleigh]

I have invited her to join me many time. She said what do I get out of it. Well you get a happy husband and who knows you might get wet and want to have sex. But still she turned it down. Today our son was taking his nap and it was a prime oppurtunity but she decided that cleaning the bathroom closet out was a better idea, not to mention that she was walking around in her boyshorts and tank top all monring. I even went to take a shower for work and invited her to join but she declined saying that there was more work to be done on the closet.

seems that cleaning seems to be the trend of things that are more important than sexing. Why don't you either a)clean the house, top to bottom before she has a chance to or b)hire someone to come in and do anything that you think she'll want to clean

Then she'll have a clean house and any free time she gets when baby is sleeping, she'll be able to relax and maybe will want to do it?

I'm a bit of a cleanfreak, if theres something messy in the house, I'd rather focus on that than do it most times too lol. But if the house is spotless I'm so relaxed and its even hotter if my husband cleans the house for me, because...well I'm kind of dominant like that, I like him being my bitch lol.

 

[Hot Mega]

I have invited her to join me many time. She said what do I get out of it. Well you get a happy husband and who knows you might get wet and want to have sex. But still she turned it down. Today our son was taking his nap and it was a prime oppurtunity but she decided that cleaning the bathroom closet out was a better idea, not to mention that she was walking around in her boyshorts and tank top all monring. I even went to take a shower for work and invited her to join but she declined saying that there was more work to be done on the closet.

Wow. Imagine the hell that would likely rain down on you if your wife hadn't had sex from you in months and when propositioned you declined her offer in favor of cleaning the garage, the attic or tinkering with your hobby car every other time.

Imagine if she had to resort to buzzing her tower with a pocket rocket to porn every day....while you cleaned the gutters, garage, basement, sidewalks, curbs, etc.

I had a g/f that I was pretty serious with. Enough to live with and potentially marry....she wanted kids but it would have required in vitro. She was an only child and her mother had the same trouble getting pregnant before she was born. She really wanted a child and was pretty child crazy (not in a bad way she just wanted to be a mother).

I would seriously think sometimes how our relationship would have been had she gotten pregnant and become a mother. I was pretty sure that her obsession would be our child...maybe to the unintentional exclusion of me. Obviously I never found out but it was a thought.

 

[jasonk282]

seems that cleaning seems to be the trend of things that are more important than sexing. Why don't you either a)clean the house, top to bottom before she has a chance to or b)hire someone to come in and do anything that you think she'll want to clean

Then she'll have a clean house and any free time she gets when baby is sleeping, she'll be able to relax and maybe will want to do it?

I'm a bit of a cleanfreak, if theres something messy in the house, I'd rather focus on that than do it most times too lol. But if the house is spotless I'm so relaxed and its even hotter if my husband cleans the house for me, because...well I'm kind of dominant like that, I like him being my bitch lol.

Not a clean freak she just wanted it done. Also our house is pretty sporless considering we have a 5 month old. So on my days off I do clean the house, vaccum, dishes, laundry ect... Also I cook her dinner on my days off as well. When I am not working I pretty much play Mr. Mom. But I have to agree with the last post, just imagine what would happen if, husbands, bf's said "what do I get out of it" when our wives/gf's ask us for sex/oral.

 

[Member2019]

I would seriously think sometimes how our relationship would have been had she gotten pregnant and become a mother. I was pretty sure that her obsession would be our child...maybe to the unintentional exclusion of me. Obviously I never found out but it was a thought.

Just because a child is a priority does not mean she should use it as an excuse not to make love when the opportunity arises.

Either one's wife wants to make love to one or not. In this case, she does not. She needs to recognize that she is telling her husband that she is not interested, and do it without playing games. And she needs to stop guilting him for wanting to unload daily. That's just natural.

Not a clean freak she just wanted it done. Also our house is pretty sporless considering we have a 5 month old. So on my days off I do clean the house, vaccum, dishes, laundry ect... Also I cook her dinner on my days off as well. When I am not working I pretty much play Mr. Mom. But I have to agree with the last post, just imagine what would happen if, husbands, bf's said "what do I get out of it" when our wives/gf's ask us for sex/oral.

Yep. Here's the three strikes:

1. She is playing games, getting you do things, instead of being direct
2. She is asking things like what she'll get out of it
3. She is guilting you for masterbating

No need to be upset. Ask her calmly why she no longer makes love to you. Is it because she no longer finds you attractive? It's obviously not because of priorites, otherwise sex is not a priority in marriage in her view (and that's always an issue when it is for one person). She is taking advantage of your willingness to please her. She needs to know that and will likely deny it, but it's exactly what she is doing.

She is acting like "the hot chick" in school that you fancy, she knows it, so she tells you to do things, eats that up, and has no intention of telling you the time of day, much less dating you. Purely taking advantage of an one-way love, instead of just being honest. And the only way to get that to stop is to stop caring what the hot chick thinks. Does your wife want that? I assume not.

Here's what I'd do. Other than my responsibilities to my child and family, I'd stop cleaning, I'd stop caring, I'd honestly give her a taste of what she does to you. "What am I going to get out of it?" Don't do it for long and don't get remotely upset, but let her know this is how you feel now. She needs to be honest and just come out and say it, "sex is not important to our marriage" if she really feels that way.

She needs to be direct with her feelings, and not dance around them. Only when you get to her real feelings can this be resolved. And one must not get upset when you do, because she's being honesty. I'm hopeful she was just like my wife early into our marriage, and really loves sex, but found that she could use sex to get things done. But be prepared for some not-so-flattering views. Especially since it's been over a half-year since you've had sex (I went only 3-4 weeks max).

By her statement about what she'll get out of it, it's clear that she considers it nothing, and that's what hurts, am I right? She see absolutely nothing special about sex with you, and that's not going to be healthy. Again, my wife said something to me early in our marriage like that, when we were in our lulls and trying to figure each other out early on. She guilted me about sex, even though she enjoyed it, because she knew it would get me to do things she wanted.

And that's when I just turned to her one day and said, "we're not getting any younger and there will come a day when you're going to be kicking yourself for not taking advantage of every day when you could, physically make love." It finally made her realize she should cherish that part of our marriage, which she does enjoy, because there is a day not too far in the future when at least one of us won't be physically capable of enjoying it, or at least not like we have when younger. From then on she realized that time is finite, and playing games is not what you do, when you love someone and spend time with them.

Everything in a balance. It's nice to feel loved and appreciated. We all have our responsibilities and wishes as well. No one wants a lazy husband or wife. But in reality, and it's one thing my wife and I agree on, we'd rather fuck than have the house spotless. We clean so we can live, not live so we can clean. Same deal with work. We work so we can live, not live so we can work. Maybe it's because I travel away from my wife for work, but we cherish the time we have together. But I don't remember more than a year living together with her full-time where she took advantage of my time with her.

 

[Hot Mega]

She's got time and energy to clean the fucking basement but not attempt to satisfy her husband sexually?? That's a fucking problem to me. Sorry 'bout that but, "Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do".

Does she not get that her marrying you means that she is your answer to the question, "what am I supposed to do with my hard dick?" and you are her answer to the question, "what am I supposed to do with my horny puss?" ???

The questions, "who am I supposed to talk to when I need the advice of a friend?", "Who is the person I want to go out for dinner, drinks, etc. with more than anyone?", "Who is the person I want to vacation with and see the world with more than anyone"?, "...the person I want to bear children with?", "....share the most important times of my life with?" and on and on...???

That's what marriage is about. If she loves you and IF she values your fidelity, desires and happiness....it's up to her to recognized the fact that she has an unfulfilled husband right now...(The same thing goes for men)...and she needs to find out or be honest about why this is the case. If she has some hormonal imbalance, postpartum condition, etc. it's up to her to own it and strive to find ways and treatments for overcoming them....for the sake of her fucking husband's happiness and potentially her marriage....no different from what you should do if she wants to fuck you and your dick won't or don't work.

It's not good enough to excuse whatever her reasoning is by claiming she's too tired, the baby, wore out, no time, etc. ESPECIALLY when she's finding time and energy to clean the fucking basement.:2 cents:

Just because a child is a priority does not mean she should use it as an excuse not to make love when the opportunity arises.

Either one's wife wants to make love to one or not. In this case, she does not. She needs to recognize that she is telling her husband that she is not interested, and do it without playing games. And she needs to stop guilting him for wanting to unload daily. That's just natural.

I agree. I said as much in one of my previous posts above.

I wonder also about her "what am I going to get out of it" statement. Generally I believe love is more about the other person than it is about you. Loving someone is built primarily on the foundation of selflessness IMO as love is more about what you can offer someone than get from them.

 

[Ashleigh]

I wonder also about her "what am I going to get out of it" statement. Generally I believe love is more about the other person than it is about you. Loving someone is built primarily on the foundation of selflessness IMO as love is more about what you can offer someone than get from them.

Thats true. But in saying that, look at the flipside. (and obviously he needs to find out WHY she's not having sex) but...if she's not ready for intercourse, or isn't feeling sexy, or just flat out too exhausted to have sex...then shouldn't the OP care more about her needs than his own? Its a two way street.

Now if she's just not fucking out of sheer laziness or not being into it...then yeah, he should be upset. But since they just had a baby...I mean its clear that has something to do with it. So if she's just too tired, or not feeling it because of hormones/not feeling sexy...then wouldn't your statement deem that the OP shouldn't pressure her for sex and just use his hand while taking care of his wifes needs?
:dunno:

 

[Dahlia]

I honestly don't know what is wrong with your wife, but I think you are a saint for not cheating on her. You've gone since November?! Damn!
I am a woman myself, so I am trying to be sensitive about your wife, and I am trying to understand her situation, but I am having a hard time doing so.
I am not married and do not have any children, but I know for sure that when I have kids, sex will not be off limits during and after my pregnancy. Maybe after the baby is born, a woman needs a month or two to recover, but there are other ways to please your man. I'd make sure to give my husband some oral and anal action during that time.
But anyway, your wife really has no excuse. Its been months since the baby was born, so she should be all back to normal now and ready for sex. If she has the energy to clean your basement and do all these other things, then she certainly has the energy to keep her husband satisfied.
I'm thinking that maybe she is having emotional issues and you need to have a heart-to-heart discussion with her. There are plenty of emotional issues women could deal with after having a baby. Maybe she feels less attractive now, or maybe she is suffering from post partum depression. Who knows?
I suggest you convince her to go the doctor to discuss these issues because a healthy, adult woman should not have a decrease in her sex drive after a baby unless she has other existing mental and/or physical conditions.

Good luck!

And no, I don't think you're jerking off too much. I think once a day is OK, but anything more than that is a little strange and compulsive.

 

[mario_pot]

no too much is the 13+ run i had one day, damn i'm a horny bastard.

 

[Hot Mega]

I honestly don't know what is wrong with your wife, but I think you are a saint for not cheating on her. You've gone since November?! Damn!

But anyway, your wife really has no excuse. Its been months since the baby was born, so she should be all back to normal now and ready for sex. If she has the energy to clean your basement and do all these other things, then she certainly has the energy to keep her husband satisfied.
I'm thinking that maybe she is having emotional issues and you need to have a heart-to-heart discussion with her. There are plenty of emotional issues women could deal with after having a baby. Maybe she feels less attractive now, or maybe she is suffering from post partum depression. Who knows?
I suggest you convince her to go the doctor to discuss these issues because a healthy, adult woman should not have a decrease in her sex drive after a baby unless she has other existing mental and/or physical conditions.

Good post.

Thats true. But in saying that, look at the flipside. (and obviously he needs to find out WHY she's not having sex) but...if she's not ready for intercourse, or isn't feeling sexy, or just flat out too exhausted to have sex...then shouldn't the OP care more about her needs than his own? Its a two way street.

then wouldn't your statement deem that the OP shouldn't pressure her for sex and just use his hand while taking care of his wifes needs?
:dunno:

Like I said in a previous post....you owe your family members reasonable efforts and for that you deserve reasonable understanding and appreciation when your efforts fail.

If she's willing to spend her extra time and energy cleaning every crevice of the house as opposed to using (at least some of) that energy and time to satisfy her husband...she owes him an explanation and a solution. If she doesn't understand why or can't explain it...she should pursue professional help about it as that circumstance is not normal at all. He's been there for her and been understanding but don't confuse my earlier statements regarding selflessness and love. Loving someone isn't a roll over and play dead decree...as contrary to the popular myth...love is conditional. With respect to our love interests, humans don't give unconditional love...dogs do.

It should be important to satisfy her husband and recognized that he has gone without sexual intimacy from her for an abnormal amount of time for a healthy couple living under the same roof.

He's apparently demonstrated his selflessness to her time and time again...he hasn't posted anything other than her mothering his child to demonstrate her willingness to do the same...In fact, what he did post suggests the opposite. (since she won't get anything out of it...why bother??).

I was married before (for several years) and one thing I've learned is that if you want to have a successful one....what's best for the husband is important and what's best for the wife is important too...but neither is more important than what's best for the relationship. What would appear to best for their relationship (as evidenced by Jason's posting of his problem on an internet msg board) is that she needs to find out or be honest about what her problem is with sexual intimacy.

It's clear there is some problem and by now she should know there is. From the moment you know you have a problem...every second from that moment forward that you don't do anything to arrive at a solution is your fault and there is no reason to excuse it anymore.:2 cents:

 

[jasonk282]

I would like to thank you folks for understanding and letting me vent. Physically she has lost 20 pounds and is back to her High School weight and I tell her that she is SMOKING HOT MILF. Mentally she is back to work ands has been for 3 months are they are short staffed, but they have been that was since June of 08 so that's nothing new. She does do things for me that shows me that she loves me. But when my first Father's Day went by without getting a HJ/BJ?sex and then out 3 years anniversity went by without HJ/BJ/sex is when it hit home. I understand "what do I get out of it" but if she would say to me. "Hey come eat my pussy so I can get off" I would be there in a heart beat. She does give great blowjobs that I can remember but it has been a while.

I can also understand how women can go basicly forever without sex, but for us male's it's not that easy. I have bough her two sex toys since the time we have been dating upto today and she never uses them and does not like to masturbate at all. She rather have the real thing. The doctor cleared her 6 weeks afere giving birth to have sex again and I went out and bought condoms cause she can't be on the pill while nursing cause we are not ready for another child this soon. IDK guess I will just ride out the storm and keep you folks posted on the happenings of my lovely wife.

 

[sexarise! chick]

Since November wow...you have a good reason!

Tammy

 

[jasonk282]

^Thanks just tell her that

 

[jasonk282]

SO tonight we had our first "date night". Basicly we took our 5 month old up to her mom's for a few hours. We went to Giant eagle got a frozen pizza, some pop, snacks and a movie, Push. Made the pizza, whatched the movie and then went upstair for some quality time. Started with some kissing and soon enough she was opening the condom package with her teeth. She climbed on top and started out slow since she is still worried from giving birth. And a few minutes of some heavy erotic kissing while she was riding me, I grabbed her ass, slip her hips up closer to me and started thrusting hitting her G-spop. She looked at me and said "I don't think I will Squirt" Well low and behold after a few thrust she was flowing like a flooded river. After making her squirt a 2nd time I finished the night off with unloading all over her huge 36D natural tits.

Guess good thinks come to thoses who wait. BTW we are having date night again next Thursday as well.