My short list:
- Hairy beavers - Doesn't have to be absolutely bare, but nicely trimmed and tidy it should be. I'll cut some slack on Vintage Porn, as long as it's not too wild growing (a minimum of grooming is appreciated even in Vintage);
- White tennis socks on a guy;
- Hairy armpits;
- Bad teeth;
- When you see that neither appears to be having any fun (OK, I get it that shooting scenes is anything but fun, and that there's a lot of stop-and-go, etc etc, but it's also called "acting" for a reason);
- Too amateurish vids, with bad lighting and shaky or fixed camera - it's nice that you shoot yourselves while having fun, and want to share it with the world, but it's not my cup of tea.