The "You Might Be a Pervert If..." Thread

[member2686]

In the tradition of Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck If..." act, I thought I'd start a thread and see what makes all of us here pervs. lol :nanner:

Here we go: :hatsoff:

You Might be a pervert if:

You think "money shots" are how sex USUALLY ends and guys can shoot cum 3 feet/one meter across the room. :rubbel:

 

[foxycougar]

You think it's normal for women to wear stilletoes while having sex, washing the dishes, being naked, taking a shower, laying by the pool or as everday shoes.

 

[member20672]

These polls (how often do you jerk off? how many women have you screwed? etc.) just have to stop! :crash: Why do some guys like to know the sexual activity of other guys?!?! Is there a club or something where dudes just sit around, smoking cigars, asking each other about their sex lives? Sheesh! lol :eek:

Not to be rude to you Nightfly, but perverseness doesn't fall into the categorial subjects that you have listed in a previous post?

 

[Smittmaestro]

You think 6 inch platform mules are standard items of women's clothing.

-cs™

 

[member2686]

I think you mean "perversity" and this ISN'T a dumbass poll of which I am critical. It's a discussion topic to get members talking about their erotic interests and also to joke about porn and why people enjoy it.

Cheers, harley. :hatsoff:

Not to be rude to you Nightfly, but perverseness doesn't fall into the categorial subjects that you have listed in a previous post?

 

[Death_blooms08]

If you think every woman owns a little school girl outfit.

 

[Smittmaestro]

Smitty complaint:
Let me go on record and say I hate platform mules!

Like high heels, but no like platform heels/mules!

I mean jeez they look like the shoes Boris Karloff wore when he played the monster in the original Frankenstein!

You Might be perv if, whilst making love when you are about to orgasm, you pull it out and ejaculate on your girfriend's face!

You Might be perv if, you expect when after slapping your girlfriend's ass again whilst making love she says "again!"
Instead she gets pissed off at you.

-cs™

 

[Joanne1700668391]

You Might be a pervert if you own more rubber outfits than your local sub-aqua club

Jo

 

[BNF]

... you bring home a sausage pizza with your goods in the box (à la BSP)

... you get hard under the table at a family dinner when your grandma talks about her famous "creampie"

... you have a video membership across town to rent porn instead of nearby where you rent with the woman

 

[Civickiller80]

....if you spend more on lingerie for you girlfriend/wife/mistress than food

....your girlfriend/wife/mistress owns more sexy outfits than a halloween shop

....as a kid you spent hours on those scrambled/fuzzy pay per view, porn channels hoping to see something

 

[Smittmaestro]

You'd never look at a baseball bat the same way again. <Scroll down>

-cs™

 

[Civickiller80]

....your favorite tv shows are those infomercials that are on at 3 in the morning about girls wanting to talk to you live and they are wainting for you, or those free girls gone wild infomericals are the only porn you can afford

 

[Death_blooms08]

... you get hard under the table at a family dinner when your grandma talks about her famous "creampie"

That is so wrong on so many levels.


....you have spent more than 1 hour trying to make out a set of tits on a blurry PPV channel.

 

[Joanne1700668391]

...you consider page 338 of the Kama Sutra to be a challenge

...and page 339 does not seem in the slightest bit wierd

 

[SeraphiM]

-When you see an ass in your direction you say "Id tap that."
-When you hear someone say "movie night" you get hard.
-When anybody says "come here" you think of ejaculation.
-You pee lotion.
-When anything is mentioned about you and 2 other people you yell
"Hell yeah threesome!"
-You get hard when you see pies.
-You have a penis shaped groove in your hand.

 

[Jacksson_77]

-You have a penis shaped groove in your hand.

:rofl2:

 

[D-rock]

...your forearms have grown to the point they account for 50% of your body mass.
...you think something is wrong with a woman that doesn't wear a thong.
...whenever somebody ask you, "are you going to come" you get confused.
...you try to stand up and sneak a peek at the lady's breast sitting on the bench front of you at church.
...whenever your daughter's friends come over to visit you always have an ample supply of sausages, bananas, and pop sickles for them to eat.
...you think pizza delivery boy is a great job.
...your finger's fingerprints have been rubbed off.
...your penis has rug burn type injuries.
...you want more things inserted into a women than she has orifices.
...you just couldn’t resist experimenting with the vacuum cleaner one night.
...you have a 50 gallon drum full of lube in you bedroom.
...you try to convince your girlfriend that it’s a excellent moisturizer.
...you wonder why women aren’t constantly screaming, "yes yes yes", "oh god, oh god", "fuck me harder", or such when you have sex with them.

 

[Duke of Venice]

You can name more pornstars than your entire friends put together.

 

[foxycougar]

The skeezy guy at the porn shop knows you by name and remembers to call you by your alias when there are other people in the shop.

 

[member2686]

Is this from first-hand experience, "foxy/fluffy?" LOL! :1orglaugh :tongue:

The skeezy guy at the porn shop knows you by name and remembers to call you by your alias when there are other people in the shop.