Suicide

There was about a three year stretch where I planned on killing myself, until I started seeing hookers. Being surrounded by hot chicks all the time when he can't even touch one would drive any man insane eventually. Pressure to get good grades further added to the sucidal thoughts. I'm not sure why I didn't start this "therapy" much earlier.

I still struggle with the thoughts everyday (to a lesser extent), but I know I could never go through with it even if I really wanted to. My survival instinct is too strong.
 
Oh yeah, this dark period didn't just come out of nowhere. I've always been an unhappy person. I remember being miserable even as a kid.
 

Elwood70

Torn & Frayed.
I have those thoughts almost every single day and I've acted on them once, when I slit my wrist a few years ago. Why do I have those thoughts? Eh, I don't know. Probably because I hate my life and nothing really makes me happy. If nothing makes you happy, what's the point of living?

You and me both........

I haven't acted on them........yet.

Every fucking day I wake up and think of a reason not to,and so far,something always tells me just that.I keep going because I really believe things will get better,but some days are a lot harder than others.
 

Torre82

Moderator \ Jannie
Staff member
WELLLLL.. long ago I was a kid. I was adopted. To an idiot family who didnt know the answer to any given question, felt that spankings were too soft a punishment and just the beginning, told me that adults were always right and to have the last word in conversation. 18 years of dreaming and hoping that my real family would be just like me.. articulate, comedic and still-together.

Soo, I found my mother. My father is a simpleton nympho pedophile who lives in vegas. Near a high school. Where he gets his yearly brides. (Lost track of how many wives)

My mother knows she has dementia, a near-complete lack of respect or consideration.. and yet continues involving herself in everyone's lives around her. Usually with that hole in her crotch.

They're both bi sluts who could give a shit less. But anyway, despite the many .. eh.. *good* (for lack of a better word) years I've spent with mum, when I found her.. spilled my life story and guts out, she told me she didnt need another kid and to accept it's all fucked.
 

Torre82

Moderator \ Jannie
Staff member
I immediately reached over to some project I was making for an Xacto knife and proceeded to just swipe at my arm over and over. Not my wrist.. my arm, it was like autopilot random-cutting. I felt no pain, just rage, disapointment. I heard that fabric tearing noise, and flat cutting sounds.

and.. fucking hell I'm so much of a nice friggin' pussy that when she started to run away I worried about getting blood on the carpet and grabbed the pillow to 'wrap' around my gushing arm while I tried to apologize to her for being so needy.

Me, right? Apologizing for needing a mother. How the hell does that happen? I didnt give myself to someone else, I didnt just disregard my child's shitty life and pain story. Why did I apologize? I believe it was the whole doing anything to gain approval from your family ideal.

Regardless, that was the first time I noticed that 'Wow, the inside of someone looks just like the movies. So fascinating and fake-looking. Huh, aint that some shit?'

And so forth, blah blah.
 
^That's cool. I'm adopted too. Only I don't really have an excuse for being the way I am, since I couldn't have asked for better parents. I often wonder about my biological parents though. I can just see my biological parents being even worse than yours - my biological dad some penniless, perverted freak who talks to himself and my mom a diseased heroine junky skank.
 

Wainkerr99

Closed Account
What do you people on here think of it? Have you ever tried to do it? Have you had suicidal thoughts and do you still have them?
I used to be heavily against it , cuz I'm tryin' to follow Christianity but since a year I've tried to understand why people do it and now I can understand in some cases why they do it. For me, I had Suicidal thoughts but there is a big difference between Suicidal Thoughts and The Action. So for me, It'll never be that worse that I'll go for the action. But what about u people?


This is weird. :wave2:
There is something strange going on here.
I was going to start a thread like this yesterday. I decided against it as I thought I would probably be banned or something. It is bad enough as it is.
Anyway.

To anyone who wants to put such thoughts into action:

Let me tell you something. This I have found. You may think this is cliché, but it is the truth. I have decided to live. No matter how many people want to destroy you, or wish you bad things, or take out their bad mood on you, it is not worth losing your life over. They believe in destroying your soul, then take pride in themselves in visiting that upon others. Even laugh about it.

Your life is precious.
It is yours. Your life you have been given.

I was faced with a choice. Once I made that decision inside myself, that I would face life, that things would get better, well, things did start getting better. It is hard to explain.

People say "life is what you make it." This is like people telling you how to do something but leaving out the details.

One does have a certain amount of responsibility, yes. You can decide to cheer people up, for instance. You will be surprised how many others like you, or actually need you around, or miss you when you are gone. They don't always show it. Even if you are not Mr or Ms Popular, you still have a role to play in others' lives.

I actually experimented with this yesterday. There is a guy in the class - a gay guy - who is very liked. One beautiful woman didn't even bother to look up at me when I said 'hello' to her, but when he popped in the door she looked up and paid close attention, smiling from ear to ear.

Well, I know enough now to know gay guys are sometimes the life of the party. Also, they do not threaten women. Plus this guy never shuts up. Ever.

I sat there sulking, but he actually greeted me, asking me how I'm doing. I took a huge step later, asking him to help me with something, which he did. I had like 90 odd rollers to take out of a mannequin head I had practiced on for a perm. (Spiral perm).

Why is practice spelt with a 'c' and not an 's'? English is weird. Anyway.

One time I didn't pitch for class, a few of the folk said they had missed me. I was stunned.

I made a decision I will be friendly to everyone. Cultivate friendships. Even if it just being polite. I have a lot to learn about people and relationships.

Once on a bus recently I decided to believe my life will get better. Shortly after that time it started improving. It is just a decision you make within yourself. The Universe then gets behind you to back you up.

Of course it helps if your life choices are at least reasonably sane and decent.

You know, when things press in on you, you have to decide things will get better, that there is a 'light at the end of the
tunnel.' You have to decide because things don't always get wonderfully better overnight.

Sure, the thoughts have come to me in the past. No job. No rent. No one. But, I decided to think that somehow something will happen that is good. That things will go right for me. that God will help me through. ('God helps those that help themselves ' is NOT in the Bible, by the way. I hate that sanctimonious crap, especially from those who give God as much recognition as they give an ant. Draw near to Me and I will draw near to you, however, is).

Things will press in on you. They will look dark. It will seem like no-one cares. Someone does, though. It is ALWAYS worth deciding to carry on living, because there is ALWAYS something good that will happen JUST around the corner.

I promise you this.

Recently, about March, I was in a situation where I was facing homelessness again. I was standing looking at homeless people, who sleep on the pavement at night. Some of them have messed up somewhere in their lives. Others have an opportunity to improve. There are instances to help them, like Transition Projects.

My best friend had passed away. I literally had no one. No brother. No mother. No father. No sister. No cousin, nephew, niece, aunt. Nothing.

My whole life I have grown up believing I am the only one.

Long story short. A week or so later, I received an e mail asking whether two names meant anything to me.

I was stunned. Ecstatic.

The names were of my brother and sister whom I had presumed lost. I never knew my brother's surname. I did not know my sister's name. My mother sent them away, then refused to ever mention them again, except once or twice in my presence.

Well, it turns out I have a whole army of cousins in Old Blighty. One of them had been under instructions from my brother to look for me. She had carried on, until they saw my name on Facebook.

Oh the wonder. Oh the joy.

I have another sister, as well, whom my mother gave up for adoption when she was five.

Yeah, I know. The 1938 - 1945 War.

I now have one brother, my dear brother, and two sisters. My precious sister and brother I have cried over for many years. They all have children, and even grandchildren.

So, I now have a responsibility towards my family.

All these years I was not the only one. They all live in the States. My cousins on my mother's side live in England. I did not have a LAN line when living in South Africa for very long. My brother had contacted South African Internal Affairs, twice, who said they had no record of me.

Ya, aish.

I promise you things do get better. They look dark now. Circumstances press in on you. However, if you believe in your heart things will improve, you will find it and recognise it when it comes along.

Even if you keep worrying, things will improve, but you have to hang in there. You have to stay alive for them to happen to you, isn't it?

EVERYTHING
HAPPENS
FOR
A REASON.
 

Wainkerr99

Closed Account
^That's cool. I'm adopted too. Only I don't really have an excuse for being the way I am, since I couldn't have asked for better parents. I often wonder about my biological parents though. I can just see my biological parents being even worse than yours - my biological dad some penniless, perverted freak who talks to himself and my mom a diseased heroine junky skank.

My mother was a very hard person. She beat me with a whip until I had to beg her to stop.

Turns out she was even more brutal to my brother and sister before I was born and while I was growing up with them. Also, my father I have found out hurt them to. They still have to tell me how.

Also, they were sent back to their father. He treated them so badly, they ran away at any early age.

We have each other now, though.
 
if someone is enough pain to end all they know of reality i can't really fault them for not wanting to be here. it's sad and i'd rather they asked for help but if someone wants to end their life i do believe there is nothing wrong with it and besides nothing can stop someone determined to die.
 

ChefChiTown

The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
EVERYTHING
HAPPENS
FOR
A REASON.

That's something that people tell themselves when their life has no meaning. It's a last ditch effort to put some sort of "purpose" in their life.

Everything happens for a reason, huh? Tell that to a mother who lost her 4 year old daughter to a meaningless drive-by shooting. Tell that to the victims' families of 9/11. Tell that to an elderly woman who is savagely beaten and murdered for the $10 she has in her purse. Tell that to, etc.
 

Wainkerr99

Closed Account
Me again. I have to say - I forgot.

Talk about people wishing you well. Near the end of last year, I was worrying about how i was going to pay an account. I was on the verge of thinking I won't be bale to pay all these things. I might have actually thought it, I don't know.

I clearly 'heard' in my head a lady's voice saying "We won't think like that now, shall we?" It was like she was there talking to me. Anyone had that experience?

The lady was Sandra Shine. Yes, that Sandra Shine. There are times when I have really felt her positive thoughts and well wishes.

I am not the only one she has helped. There is a lady who has made a few videos on you tube and Clipser showing Sandra's loveliness.
 
Suicide is for cowards. Unless you're in some kind of extreme physical pain, from disease or injury.

Depression is no reason to kill yourself. Man up and do something about it.
 

Jane Burgess

Official Checked Star Member
time to air my dirty laundry please dont think any different of the bear after this post .

yes i have had suicidal thoughts . When i was younger i was really sick i had this tumor eating backwards threw my skull and into brain ( it has since been removed and im doing better ) i was bed riden for well over a year from it i put on alot of weight i dropped out of school cus of it my g/f left me when i found out i was sick . i was just down right depressed my familly was waiting on me hand and foot . i felt like i was in the way .

i had all kinds of meds i planned on taken one night to end the pain , but that moring my sister told me she was pregnant and it changed my life . it saved me i wanted to be around to see my neice . to this day she is the most specail thing to me i am hear cus of her.

ps this is why i dont spell to well i have a bad memory cus of it and i want to thank you all for not making fun of the way i spell cus of it


I am so sorry to read that. I am glad that your life changed and that I know you. You are a sweetheart and no one cares about spelling.
 

Jane Burgess

Official Checked Star Member
Suicide is for cowards. Unless you're in some kind of extreme physical pain, from disease or injury.

Depression is no reason to kill yourself. Man up and do something about it.

If a person is in a real state of depression they can't man up. I am going to guess you do not know a whole lot about mental illnesses. I think it is easy to judge people that commit suicide. They did it for a reason, where they felt they could not go on. I find that to be very sad.
 
Suicide is for cowards. Unless you're in some kind of extreme physical pain, from disease or injury.

Depression is no reason to kill yourself. Man up and do something about it.

LOL you prolly don't know shit.... I'm not a suicide supporter or anything like that but to say it's for cowards makes you look like some ignorant person....
 

Torre82

Moderator \ Jannie
Staff member
Suicide is for cowards. Unless you're in some kind of extreme physical pain, from disease or injury.

Depression is no reason to kill yourself. Man up and do something about it.

Those who dont know, criticize in black and white.

Get to that gray area, sink to the black and you'll hope there's someone around you that isnt a subscriber to what you just posted above.
::2cents::
 
Top