Personally, if I were you, and in this situation, I would go to a large gun shop, see which brand and model feels best for you, and when you pick one, buy a couple of different defense loads, and try them out...2 different .38's will shoot the same ammo differently.
I do agree though, buy a .357 and load it with .38's. If you aren't going to carry it, you can get away with a heavier, full size frame, which will absorb the recoil better, and make shooting it accurately easier too.
I swear by S&W for revolvers, and I'm not a big fan of Ruger and Taurus, but I do know people that own them, and like them very much.
If you are going to carry, make sure you get a good holster, that is comfortable...a good holster is an absolute must, don't cheap out on that part of it. Speedloaders are a must also, ALWAYS carry extra ammo...at least 2 plus the full gun.
Good luck.