Sometime next week I'm probably going to have to apply for welfare. It will be the first time I've had to do it in my life. This is the last thing I wanted to do. I find the whole situation I'm in kind of humiliating, but I don't know what else to do. I'm going to be in very big trouble soon. I don't even know how much help I will get. It's a very bad side effect of not being able to get a job for years and years.
Things are going pretty bad for me in general, and I don't know how things will shape up or what's going to happen to me. If worse comes to worse I might not be able to come to FreeOnes for a very long time starting in the near future. Who knows maybe it will be never again. I would like to think not, but I've hoped for the best before and it's hasn't worked out most of the time. There are some things I would miss if that happens, and some of the only friends I have had are on here.
I also have not been feeling well for a while now. It's sort of like a mild sickness and nausea that I can't shake, and I'm not sure what it is. I just hope it gets better on it's own soon, because I have no choice other than that.
Not only is my appetite gone, (not that I can afford a lot of food anyhow.), but the majority years and years of bodybuilding work have pretty much vanished in the last few months, gone? It wasn't something that I just did now and then. I put myself under self induced torture for years and to have it all be for nothing is a bitter pill to swallow.
My car is also on it's last legs. I scrounged up enough money to fix the break pads a couple of days ago, but one of break lines was so corroded that when I tested the new pads out it burst a break line and I have to seal it off and now have a car operating under one less break. Maybe it won't matter though, because when the insurance comes up in a few months I know I'm not going to be able to pay for it anyhow. Maybe if I'm lucky, it will just be one less things I have to worry about, but if I don't find a job by then I will be doubly screwed since no place is going to hire anybody without a way to get there. I live in a rural are where if you don't have a car you don't go anywhere unless you can somehow get a ride from another person.