Pay for hotel, when friend invites to visit?

[Pornfan99]

I dated a woman from 2003 through 2009. We've hooked up off-and-on over the years, as FWBs - last time I think was in 2015. She's in San Diego, and is now in a multi-BR house. While chatting during the holidays she invited me out to see her. While catching up, she also told me that she's hooking up with this dude 2 hours away, sporadically. Before finishing the conversation, I ask her if she has mentioned to him about me staying with her if I visit. She goes, "Oh .. I hadn't considered that. Yeah .. you should probably get a hotel.."

History: once while we were broken up, I took a trip to Puerto Rico. She flew down on day 2, and stayed the rest of the week with me. I paid ~ $600 for the hotel, and she stated outright that she felt she didn't need to contribute ANYTHING.. To this day - she lambastes me because I asked her to pick up dinner dates every 5th time or so - when she made roughly the same $ I did (20% less).

I'm considering booking a vacation in the near future. If I visit her, $450 of it will be to stay in a hotel, vs. in one of her spare bedrooms. Just a platonic visit; I'm assuming the guy is still railing her on the weekends when he gets a chance.

So - go to San Diego (then LA and LV), or eff it, and just hit Vegas?

 

[Torre82]

Option #3: Lay a snail-trail of that precum and slide into vegas, slick and ready-to-go.

 

[xfire]

I would skip a $450 platonic visit unless you just really like her personality. I don't like anyone's personality that much.

 

[pool_hustler]

The hissy fit she threw over PR was not ok. sheeesh

But apart from that, and moving forward to the here and now, the suggestion of a hotel, being as you actually broached the possible awkwardness of staying at her place, seems reasonable. It was thoughtful of you to bring it up and I hope she appreciates that.

Whether I'd actually still go or not? For some friends I would, with others I'd go straight to Vegas instead. Unless I felt a really compelling urge or need to hang out with her I'd probably take a rain check for now and wait for another time.

 

[Mr. Daystar]

I would skip a $450 platonic visit unless you just really like her personality. I don't like anyone's personality that much.

I wouldn't spend that if I did really like her personality. Maybe for a life long friend....IF we have history.

 

[xfire]

I wouldn't spend that if I did really like her personality. Maybe for a life long friend....IF we have history.

If I was Axel Foley and she was Jenny Summers, maybe. I'd drop the whole $450 on the first blackjack table in the first casino I stepped into in Vegas, if I won, take the winnings and burn off to something else, if I lost, oh, well, at least I got fucked. :1orglaugh

 

[FreeOnes_Adam]

I have a friend kind of like this. We've been off and on for a super long time. Things are... complicated. Otherwise, we'd have stuck through it and made it official by now. I fly out to see her a couple times a year and we hookup and just run away for a few days together and then back to our lives after that. I pay for my room and ticket. She's offered to extend my hotel stays before, I usually decline but she offers. She's a nurse, she does well for herself, but I make sure I pay my own way to see her. It makes her feel special that I do all it to see her too. It should never be about the money.

Make sure you know what her intentions are. If she's already fucking someone like that, her needs are most likely being filled. In all meanings of the word. You might be there just as a friend, so don't get carried away with any expectations is my advice. She's the girl, she's got the pussy, she makes the rules. She might want to hit that too. Maybe it begins this way. You never know. Just don't hold onto expectations. You need to be OK with just seeing her. I'm OK just seeing my friend. We always sleep together, but she's that important to me anyway, and that's what makes us work, despite the complexity of our situation. I just want to be with her, friend or special friend.

 

[Pornfan99]

"Things are... complicated." Same here.. This ex-GF of mine visited my area a couple of summers ago. I knew she was coming out this way. I told her that I had plans that weekend - attending a concert with my FWB that Saturday. My ex-GF was here I think Tues thru Sun. I kept waiting for her to make plans with me .. and she never did. So, my FWB asked if she could come out Friday night, and I said sure, as I had no plans. So - you know what happened: Friday night my ex-GF texts me her hotel name, location and room number, and invited me over. I tell her that I have a guest visiting and I can't make it. Chicks are weird.

 

[Torre82]

"Things are... complicated." Same here.. This ex-GF of mine visited my area a couple of summers ago. I knew she was coming out this way. I told her that I had plans that weekend - attending a concert with my FWB that Saturday. My ex-GF was here I think Tues thru Sun. I kept waiting for her to make plans with me .. and she never did. So, my FWB asked if she could come out Friday night, and I said sure, as I had no plans. So - you know what happened: Friday night my ex-GF texts me her hotel name, location and room number, and invited me over. I tell her that I have a guest visiting and I can't make it. Chicks are weird.

They have limited ESP.
An ex wont call you after a breakup until youre no longer thinking about her.
A chick wont flirt with you unless youre ignoring them.
They wont make plans unless you already have some.

This is like.. similiar to ghosts or aliens theory.
Example: "I dont believe in many things, but I believe in what I've seen"
So yeah, I wouldnt mention it except to call attention to the fact that it happens more than just coindentally.

 

[xfire]

Parallel conversation:

Don't put it on a pedestal.

 

[Rey C.]

Option #3: Lay a snail-trail of that precum and slide into vegas, slick and ready-to-go.

Yeah, I'd go with option #3. I've just never been into drama or complications. Go to Vegas and have fun. When I used to go, I never found that there was a shortage of girls there looking for a good time.

And because of this...

To this day - she lambastes me because I asked her to pick up dinner dates every 5th time or so

I'd tell her to lose my phone number.

 

[Pornfan99]

Update: decided to go in late April, just to Vegas - which is when the NFL Draft will be held! Used my Delta FF miles to book the airfare. And, used Marriott points for the big-$ (weekend night) hotel stays. Now to book a few laps in a Nissan GT-R with Exotics Racing..