You're right, men tend to be more visual creatures, and that is the conventional wisdom. And you're right, pornography probably shouldn't be considered cheating. And on my advice website I often tell girls that say as much, well, think about it, he's not really cheating, just using visual aids to fantasize.
But at the end of the day it's all down to the couple, and the individuals, and what they define as cheating. If a woman - or man - decides that looking at naked pictures is cheating, as controlling as that may seem, it is an issue that cannot just be dismissed. If you do it behind her back, you are "cheating" on her per se, because you're lying to her, or being deceitful. Trust is far far more important than monogamy. Monogamy is a rule many couples make for their relationship. Trust is something *every* couple *needs* to have *inherently* to survive.
So as much as I agree with your assessment of "men" being visual, a lot of women are visual too, and the female equivalent would be reading romance novels maybe, or Penthouse Forum - and a lot of the women who don't want their men looking at porn may not do those "female equivalents" and may feel he is sharing his sexual desire and energy with other women through porn.
I don't agree with that - but I understand it. It can't just be ignored or dismissed. A hell of a lot of women I know feel that way about porn. Maybe some men don't want their woman rubbing her clit thinking about being fucked in the ass by Brad Pitt or George Clooney or Tyson Beckford or frikkin David Beckham... it's kind of similar, isn't it?
Now me - I'm fine with it, both ways, and I think we should all aspire to be more sexually tolerant, open, to share everything... but that doesn't change the fact that some women don't want their men looking at porn, and doing it behind her back is the same as doing anything else behind her back. It is lying, deceitful... if you can't be honest with her about your sexuality, you're not as close as she thinks you are, which means you're not very sexually close at all. Which is lonely for you, and sad for her, in a way.
Anyway, bottom line is, I don't think "men are visual creatures" is an excuse for looking at porn. I don't think we NEED an excuse, although I often say that to women, that we're visual creatures. The truth is every man and woman are different, and some of us are visual creatures but we are also secretive creatures, and if your woman wants to know you and be close to you and you are keeping your pornstar and magazine model desires to yourself, then you haven't reached the level of sexual sharing that it is possible to reach if you trust someone completely and absolutely and know they will not judge you - and you can be yourself with them. There is little more satisfying in life than knowing your partner could know your every thought - and still love you just as much.
Fox