> Movie Mash-up <

[maildude]

Saving Private Ryan + Private Benjamin = Saving Private Benjamin

A sexually misdirected Jewish widow accidentally enlists in the army, thinking it was a kosher bakery. Suddenly the woebegone woman finds herself in Normandy, dodging bullets and mortars, but finding enough time for lusty lunchettes with her fellow fighters. Things erupt when she finds that her platoon is actually on a rescue mission, retrieving the only son of the unit's brutal female commander Roxette(Tom Hanks).

 

[maildude]

Looking For Mr. Goodbar + Mrs. Doubtfire = Looking For A Good Fire, No Doubt

A sexomaniacal school teacher finds that her alluring appetites have led her ex-husband to seek court-ruled custody of their children. Finding no other course, the surging schoolie decides to dress up as a gay fireman, hoping to prove that she has a masculine, fatherly side. But her plans reach an unexpected goal, as her afternoons courting effeminate egalitarians in various public service "alternative" bars leads to a tumultuous confrontation with her oldest son's high school principal. Despite these unexpected outcomes, the sensual cross-dresser convinces her ex to give her access to their confused and futurally doomed family.

 

[tunsty]

Return of the Jedi + Carry on follow that Camel = Carry on follow that Jedi



The carry on team bring their own style of laughs to the Empire..

Farmboy, Luke Queerwalker (Charles Hawtrey), passes the necessary anal medical examinations and finally becomes a Jedi.
After battling against the might of the Empire, led by Dork Vader (Bernard Bresslaw), he and his sister, Princess Lay-her (Hattie Jacques), must track down the whereabouts of Hand Solo (Sid James), after he was taken away to become Jabba-the-twat's bitch.
Follow the amusing adventures of the two droids Cunt3PO and Arse2D2 as they get into all kinds of hilarious jams and scrapes.
Best quote: Luke Queerwalker is caught short whilst on the death star and is found in the 'Stormtroopers only' toilet facility.
He is stumbled upon by a trooper, to which he replies "ooh my word, what a lovely shiny helmet you have.. I'll bet you rub it every night, for hours"

 

[maildude]

The Fellowship Of The Ring + The Bird Cage = The Fellowship Of The Bird Cage--Where's My Ring, Girl?

Transvestite midgets in a traveling circus stumble upon a deformed homeless dude carrying a wondrous and magical icon. But soon the heavenly handiwork proves to be cursed, and the troubadours find they must ally with a French chef, a talk show host, a San Francisco hostess and a flamboyant club owner in order to battle the evil powers of the dreaded sorcerer Savemeaman. The terror and alternative lifestyles build to a crescendo when the group find themselves not at the Fortress Of Impenetrable Darkness, but at the Club Of Encouraged Penetration.

 

[Lust]

Dead Poet's Society - Harold and Kumar go to White Castle = Dead Poets go to White Castle

Oscar Wilde and ee cummings decomposed bodies get the munchies after toking and decide to go to white castle. along the way they run into a drug dealing jack kerouac, a hindu taboo party where they eat steak, an S&M police force headed by Bianca Beauchamp, but while in jail they gain enlightenment from Chuck Palahniuk on how forming a boxing club can restore thier masculinity but it's a ruse as he steals their car instead. After finally reaching White Castle they run into thier former publishers and demand backpay which allows them to pay for thier meal. They also manage to do a dance routine somewhere in the film to a bubble-gum pop song from the 70's so at least 2 or 3 people in the audience will have a feel good moment.

 

[BlueBalls]

12 Angry Men + Twelve Monkeys = 12 Angry Monkey Men

A bunch of genetically engineered cross bred human super apes break loose from the lab after killing Dr Henry Fonda and go on a rampage throughout Michigan. Now it is up to Mitch Conner a lowly small town mechanic to save the city and maybe even the world from the gang of pissed off super apes. The US government have done all they can but to no avail, but Mitch knows something they dont......

Will his invention "the Super Bannana gun" save humanity?
Does Mitch get that promotion he's always wanted?
And does he get the girl?

Find out! When 12 Angry Monkey Men crash into your town!

 

[maildude]

Toy Story + Basic Instinct = Basic Toys In Story

A psychosexually exhausted woman gets her kicks by killing her sexual partners with talking toys--like Carnal Cowboy Cliff and Futuristic Fellatio Frank. That is, until the toys revolt, and embark on a crusade to save the one sex toy she got rid of: Super Duper Vaginal Shtooper. Along the way, the truant toys encounter plenty of problems, like Detective Dick Danglen(Michael Douglass) and his incessant gang of bangers, along with Dick's son's bratty friend Anus. Although Dangler seeks to bed the selacious killer woman himself, he secretly allies with Anus and Hasbro to solve the case and bring Frank home to the little boy he loves best.

 

[maildude]

Escape From New York + Animal House = Escape From The Animals In A New York House

It's guns and libidos ablaze when a group of college pledges are mistakenly thrown into the prison world of a walled-off New York suburb. Confused and convinced that they're still at Fooboo College, the sex-starved simps come across the paths of many of the prison's sex-starved inmates, including Issac "The Boss" Franklin and Barb "Big Tits" Beauchamp. Not to worry, however, as the gang is about to be rescued by transsexual special ops veteran Snake Foreskin--who has his/her own designs for the lost learners in mind.

 

[BlueBalls]

The Unbearable Lightness of Being + Crank 2: High Voltage = The Unbearable Lightness of High Voltage Crank

A new cheap drug has hit the streets that when taken it's victims become eupohric in the supposed light it brings down from heaven. But does it?The deaths of so many of it's victims line the streets at night only to be removed in the morning, this new craze is damaging the fine New York streets of the 1970's and something must be done! Follow Detective Mitchell on the hunt for the makers of this ellusive drug and why? Where will this journey take him, into the depths of sleaze no man has ever seen. This is one mans journey into creation itself, the creation of a drug that is killing many and converting more. Is this Hell on Earth? Maybe .....

 

[tunsty]

Four weddings and a funeral + Terminator = Four Terminators and a funeral

Having failed on three previous occasions to kill John Connor, Skynet finally realises that just one terminator is not enough...
It decides to send four Terminators back in time, to kill John Connor once and for all and put an end to these inferior sequels..FOREVER





Planet of the Apes + Forest Gump = Planet of the Gumps

An unlucky astronaut, is involved in a bizarre space incident involving time travel and a packet of corn flakes.
He turns up 50 years in the future, into a strange world, where everything seems to be backward.
The astronaut discovers that due to people watching too many reality shows and relying on computers to do their work for them, everyone has turned into Forest Gump clones.
Can our heroic astronaut rise up against this dumb tyranny?, or will he just settle for a cup of tea and a quiet night in watching Big Brother series 97?

 

[maildude]

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon + Riverdance = Crouching, Dancing River Tigers In Drag

Yes, it's magic swords, karate, and a whole lotta gay, dancing Irishmen as a group of highly skilled but sexually misdirected samurai leave their native land in search of a lost sword with the power to turn anyone into a green, beer-swilling degenerate. Wan Hun Glo and Paddy McPherson star as the leaders of two warring clans, whose constant bickering, singing, and back door shennanigans are brought to the test when the transvestite son of a nobleman decides to steal the sword for the opening of his boutique. All original songs were written by Seth O'Tittles.

 

[maildude]

Ready To Wear + A Beautiful Mind = Ready To View A Beautiful Muff

Yes, it's Jennifer Connelly in the altogether as the estranged wife of a schizophrenic fashion consultant who puts on the zaniest of catwalk shows to raise money for her husband's fledgling college career. A media bruehaha ensues when the "fashion show" turns into a lecherous and satisfying nude stroll down the aisle for Connelly and all of her fashionatta friends. Co-starring Kim Basinger as the titular two-faced tabloid talker, and Julia Roberts as the frigid but alcoholic magazine madame.

 

[tunsty]

Ready To Wear + A Beautiful Mind = Ready To View A Beautiful Muff

Um.. you're taking a few liberties with the titles there..:crash:

 

[maildude]

Um.. you're taking a few liberties with the titles there..:crash:

Oh yeah? I bet you'd like to see a movie like that!! You'd probably hide the popcorn!! :eek:

 

[tunsty]

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang + Chucky = Chucky Chucky Bang Bang


Happy-go-lucky and innocent family buy what seems like a happy-go-lucky and innocent car, only to find out that the car is out to get them.
Watch out for seat-belt garotting, sunroof decapitations, bonnet skull-smashing, lock-ins with Celine Dion playing at full volume on the CD Player and worst of all...

55% depreciation in the first year after purchase and seventeen payments at 29.8% apr, to go..

the horror.. the horror

 

[tunsty]

No country for old men + King Kong = No country for old King Kong

Having smashed up most of New York, Kong is told that his demolition services are no longer required by the city.
Due to his advancing years he is barely able to stand up, let alone knock anything down.
Reluctantly he moves to France, where the French promptly kill him, cut him up and serve him 'a La carte' with some dry dirt and snails.

 

[BlueBalls]

District 9 + 8 ½ = District 9 ½

A famous alien film director falls into day dream and fantasy during the pre production of his next film. Whilst all around him the powers that be - the humans - are evicting those aliens from their homes and moving them to a make shift camp several miles down the road, he is reminiscing about past loves and relatives. But for all he knows it is up to him and him alone to find a way out for him and his people. This is the only way he and his people will be free and the only way for him to produce his next masterpiece ... if he can ever gets out of his own mind to do it.

 

[maildude]

A Clockwork Orange + Tootsie

A degenerate out of work actor forms a violent street gang to help him take his mind off of his troubles. Problem is, the gang likes to dress up as women and violently assault gay film directors. Malcolm McDowell stars as the gang's leader Alex, who eventually gets arrested and has to succumb to an experimental rehabilitation involving sexual abstinence and soap operas. Alex finds his interests confounded as he has fallen for the head nurse and film gaffer of the experiment, Dustin Hoffman.

 

[maildude]

300 + Driving Miss Daisy = Driving 300 Miss Daisies

It's Persians against geriatrics, as a gigantic oncoming army threatens the livelihood of oldie shut-in Daisy, whose bossy son decides to hire a small but elite force of African Zulu warriors to protect his mom. The film takes an unexpected turn when the Zulu warriors attack and slaughter the British instead. Daisy's senior friends Mabel and Eunice invite the entire bridge/sewing club to stay holed-up at Daisy's house, as the Persian army approaches. But when Zulu chieftain and retired driving instructor M'Bai (Morgan Freeman) decides to cram the whole gaggle of golden girls into his '77 Beetle and escape the impending horde, he inadvertently drives right into the Pit Of No Return. Rated PG-13 for mild violence and some naked butts.

 

[maildude]

We Are Marshall + Boogie Nights = We Boogie Like Marshall Night

After a tragic airplane crash takes the lives of every employee and contract actor for Vivific Entertainment--an adult film company--it takes one lone, big-dicked porn stud hopeful to rebuild the company: Marshall "Big Dillon" Night. Mark Wahlberg starts as the upstart movie producer and stud cock, but he has to bed some pretty undesirable leading ladies in order to bring the company back, including Toothless Tranny Terry and Old Baggie Maggie. Things take an unfortunate turn when, during filming, his cameraman shoots himself in the head after getting a close look at Terry's "credentials." Co-stars Julliane Moore as the extremely improbable jaded sex starlet who in secrecy craves Marshall's rubberific shaft.