Is Abstinence Unrealistic?

[Montrealman]

Here's a subject I found to be very interesting.

If your partner with whom you have been intimate with for some time asked you to abstain from physical intimacy, for either religious reasons, to strenghten the relationship or even to develop other ways of emotional intimacy for a better and long lasting relationship moving toward marriage...Would you do it? Let's say this was very important for your partner to do this and has asked you to support them, realizing it is a sacrifice yet very worthy to them and your possible long-lasting future together, would you accept? Clearly you are in love and do not want to leave this relationship for somthing that means a lt to your partner...Is it Yes or No?

So as two adults who have already been intimate with each other, is abstinence unrealistic at this point?

 

[titsrock]

I think our bodies are designed to have sex and having sex is a natural thing that none of us should be ashamed of (once we reach *mental maturity*).

I don't know if I believe that abstinence actually builds a strong, emotional connection like you hypothesize about. I used to believe that.

Having said that, I do believe a relationship functions on trust and mutual respect for each other, and a belief that each partner desires to improve the life/health of the other. So, in some cases, some kind of expressive act of commitment from one person to the other seems reasonable...

 

[Hypergalaxy]

Balance is the key to anything in this world.. It would be ridiculous if a couple was having problems and someone said just have sex everyday all day to fix your problems just like its ridiculous to say dont have sex at all ever

 

[Rey C.]

Here's a subject I found to be very interesting.

If your partner with whom you have been intimate with for some time asked you to abstain from physical intimacy, for either religious reasons, to strenghten the relationship or even to develop other ways of emotional intimacy for a better and long lasting relationship moving toward marriage...Would you do it? Let's say this was very important for your partner to do this and has asked you to support them, realizing it is a sacrifice yet very worthy to them and your possible long-lasting future together, would you accept? Clearly you are in love and do not want to leave this relationship for somthing that means a lt to your partner...Is it Yes or No?

So as two adults who have already been intimate with each other, is abstinence unrealistic at this point?

To be honest, I think that ^^^ would be the kicker. If it was a relationship where we hadn't had sex yet, that would be one thing. But to stop after we'd begun having sex, to go on some sort of spiritual journey... I would really have to better understand where that concept came from, and where it might lead to in the future. Sex isn't the #1 factor in a "real" relationship. But I have been with women who've tried to use sex as a relationship bargaining chip. At that point, in my mind, the relationship is over anyway. It's just a question of when I communicate it.

You mentioned this leading to marriage. See, that's a biggie! So this is something that I'd have to understand a lot better. I can't just give a yes or no. Sorry. :dunno:

 

[Montrealman]

It might be idealistic but with long consideration I do not think it is unrealistic. The man in question agreed as he is showing is dedicaton and long-term commitment to his woman and for the record, even once engaged physical intimacy can return.

In this situation, yes there has to be a goal for the couple.

PS:Good comments all-around. I appreciiate that folks!

 

[Ozmanks]

I think it's possible, but you would have to have a lot of willpower to do it.

 

[rabid_2250]

A strong relationship has to be built on more than just sex, but I don't see how abstaining from sex builds that. As said by SimplexDesign balance is the key.
I'd like to hear the responses if someone said the opposite. "We have a strong emotional relationship, but our sex life is wanting, for the next six months lets not talk and just have sex to build a stronger sexual bond."

 

[Montrealman]

A strong relationship has to be built on more than just sex, but I don't see how abstaining from sex builds that."[/QUOTE]

Eventhough they had been intimate before on a regular basis for quite some time, pre-marital sex was beginning to weigh heavy on her. There are other levels of intimacy besides physical, she asked her guy and he said okay.

I know it sounds strange to many, especially considering the type of board this is but it's still a valid question.

 

[jod0565]

This goes a couple ways for me:

1) Sounds like she's holding her pussy hostage to get what she wants.
Maybe she has wanted to get married and he has not wanted to commit, so this could
be the way she feels she needs to test his love for her. But, even then, if he's not committed, he wouldn't agree.

2) Even after a couple has been intimate, if abstaining for a good while until marriage makes them feel like Madonna's old song, then abstaining definitely helps their relationship.

3) Sounds like she came around to the thinking that she was being treated like an unpaid whore and decided to make their relationship legit.

Those are my thoughts, MM.

 

[Montrealman]

Not it at all JOD. It's deeper than that man because there was no ultimatum. They'd still be together had he disagreed with her request. I think they're creating a very strong bond for themselves and she has morals she would rather not compromise any longuer. He wanted to show her he was/is committed to her as he said he was. I think both sides are good.
Shit man, all this from an article I read on an aeroplane. :1orglaugh

 

[iv6789]

Abstinence sucks. Period. I was abstitnet for 16 years. Then I grew up, started having sex and haven't looked back. I have dumped girls that I've dated because they wouldn't have sex. I'm sorry, you want to be with me, you're going to have sex. No hard feelings. I didn't call them stupid or make fun of them or pressure them. I just decided we wanted different things. Same thing here. You want to be abstinent, be prepared for your significant other dump you.

I have too little time on this earth not to do whatever the hell I want to do as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

 

[ChefChiTown]

Here's a subject I found to be very interesting.

If your partner with whom you have been intimate with for some time asked you to abstain from physical intimacy, for either religious reasons, to strenghten the relationship or even to develop other ways of emotional intimacy for a better and long lasting relationship moving toward marriage...Would you do it?

Yes, I would. People who claim that sex is a need are completely wrong. You don't need to have sex...you want to have sex. There's a big difference. If sex was truly a need, then I would've died a long, looooong time ago, because I haven't had sex in like 8 years.

Also, sex isn't natural. Procreating is natural; not sex. "But, Chef...you have to have sex in order to procreate!!!" True. But, the huuuuuge majority of sex in this world isn't had in order to procreate. It's had for pleasure. THAT is not natural.

I know that everybody has their own opinion on sex, but, personally, I think that sex should be something more than just hooking up with somebody and getting your rocks off. So, if a woman I liked wanted to abstain from having sex of any kind, I honestly wouldn't have a problem with it. I truly believe that relationships do get stronger by abstaining from have sex with one another. Relationships that are based on sex are complete failures and usually don't work out in the long run.

 

[iv6789]

I know that everybody has their own opinion on sex, but, personally, I think that sex should be something more than just hooking up with somebody and getting your rocks off. So, if a woman I liked wanted to abstain from having sex of any kind, I honestly wouldn't have a problem with it. I truly believe that relationships do get stronger by abstaining from have sex with one another. Relationships that are based on sex are complete failures and usually don't work out in the long run.

I think there are differnt kinds of sex. Meaningful and ver pleasing sex. And meaningless and very pleasing sex. In other words, sex for sex and sex for relationships. I love both. I've been married for a few years and wouldn't trade my marital meaningful sex for anything, but there are certainly days where meaningless sex would rock for an hour or two.

 

[Nester6]

I think it's possible, but you would have to have a lot of willpower to do it.

Good answer.

 

[Wainkerr99]

It's all in the mind. In truth, if you set your will to something you accomplish it, assuming you have motivation.

Once your mindset changes to abstinence, once you make up your mind to follow that path, you are set on it.

You decide either you will or you won't.

If you decide not to, the barriers are in place to crossing that line. Also, the desire to have sex wanes because you have made a choice to move on for whatever reason.

It is just getting to that point, which is where motivation comes in.

 

[Rey C.]

I just decided we wanted different things. Same thing here. You want to be abstinent, be prepared for your significant other dump you.

I have too little time on this earth not to do whatever the hell I want to do as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

And that's cool. As long as you're honest with the other person, and yourself, it's all good.

 

[Facetious]

So as two adults who have already been intimate with each other, is abstinence unrealistic at this point?

I hope that this was just a bad dream that you had because nothing would seem to be more difficult than having your woman present and not be able to act biologically. I remember how difficult it was for me years back when I had a hernia surgery and was a hunch back for about a week or ten days and my g/f would come over and .... and ... after about the third day she had to have nut and I had to have cunt... so we improvised a little bit. When I was about to blow, I thought that my innards were going to come thrusting out of my midsection... but luckily they didn't. :hatsoff: Anyway, that is neither here nor there -
Answering your question I say give it a try, absolutely, if you feel that she is THE woman and she feels that you are THE man, yes.
Just think if you parted with this goddess of your dreams because of YOUR inability to fulfill her terms of the deal and a year or two later after the break up, you're still playing the field looking for another perfect woman while she had recently married...
another woman !! :eek: I'm kidding, I meant another guy.... that looks like YOU !
Then how would you feel ? Correct ! Like a worthless weakling ... expendable turd !

Umm, What kind of time are we talking about 1 2 3 months ? Did I speed read over the top of those terms ?

 

[Facetious]

Once your mindset changes to abstinence, once you make up your mind to follow that path, you are set on it.

Perfect ! I believe that there is great potential for this outcome.
Neat thought :bowdown:

 

[Montrealman]

I hope that this was just a bad dream that you had because nothing would seem to be more difficult than having your woman present and not be able to act biologically.

Of course! It is something that can be very testing for sure.

Just think if you parted with this goddess of your dreams because of YOUR inability to fulfill her terms of the deal and a year or two later after the break up, you're still playing the field looking for another perfect woman while she had recently married...

That would be horrible and yeah I'm sure if it was me that had to go through this ordeal I would feel like a weak fool for not complying to my girlfriend's wish, since it would be so important to her. :2 cents:

Umm, What kind of time are we talking about 1 2 3 months ? Did I speed read over the top of those terms ?

LOL, no no, when the engagement is done it can go then back to normal physical intimacy. There was no time limit described.

 

[GregCentauro]

It's easy. Get an ugly girlfriend.