How do you guys masturbate?

[MrLutareio]

So there's a "How many times you masturbate per day" thread, but I wanna know how do you masturbate: without porn, with porn, imitating the actors movements, fast-forwarding or watch the whole thing.

I like to jerk-off to a whole entire clip without fast-forwarding. The problem is most good clips are like 30 minutes long. I imitate the actors movments so lasting that long is almost impossible.

 

[mrtrebus]

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[pete rose]

Cheese graters.

 

[shimmy2]

how do you masturbate

position your girl in front of you, pump your dick with your left hand dick, hold the camera steady with your right hand, and aim for the eyes or mouth

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your aim will get better with practice. i **** hitting air, over their shoulders

 

[Gape_Fan]

Usually with my cock. :thumbsup:

 

[YMIHERE]

I masturbate by putting my penis into a vagina.

 

[lurkingdirk]

I tend to get overly elaborate. You know...tying myself up, leather hood, locking myself out of my house without clothes on, swimming naked at the Y, sitting on a cactus. Standard stuff, really.

 

[mrtrebus]

I don't.

 

[lurkingdirk]

I don't.

Having your puppets do it still qualifies as masturbation, man.

 

[larss]

I tend to get overly elaborate. You know...tying myself up, leather hood, locking myself out of my house without clothes on, swimming naked at the Y, sitting on a cactus. Standard stuff, really.

Sheesh - how boring.:*****:

 

[larss]

I use my tongue :tongue:

 

[mrtrebus]

Having your puppets do it still qualifies as masturbation, man.

Sigh, they are NOT puppets.

 

[lurkingdirk]

Sigh, they are NOT puppets.

Dolls? Dummies? Sex aids?

 

[mrtrebus]

Dolls? Dummies? Sex aids?

My ****** & ****** damn you! :******:

 

[lurkingdirk]

My ****** & ****** damn you! :******:

Sorry. I guess that was really inappropriate when I used them for handjobs last time I was over...

I'll come right back and clean them up.

 

[STDiva]

I use dirks hand. My hands are too busy giving mutha fuckas the finger.

 

[lurkingdirk]

I use dirks hand. My hands are too busy giving mutha fuckas the finger.

He won't let me wear gloves, either.

 

[Ace Bandage]

Dr. Evil: I don't think that's something one dude should say to another dude. Yeah. A little creepy. Mmhmm...

 

[mrtrebus]

Dr. Evil: I don't think that's something one dude should say to another dude. Yeah. A little creepy. Mmhmm...

 

[BlueBalls]

I tend to enjoy shoving an iron spike down my urethra and holding it there while I masturbate. Trust me you've never had an orgasm until you've had one with an iron spike ****** down your urethra. It's fucking magical - that's the best and only I can even think of describing it.

One quick word of advice while I'm here and in an educating mood. Please make sure you keep a watchful eye on the iron spike shoved down your urethra because if you don't keep your eye on its position at all times it will get incorporated into your inner anatomy if you know what I mean. There will be pain and a lot of questions to answer if this happens (trust me ), plus a lengthy operation that will leave you sterile and unable to sustain an erection for longer than three to four minutes at a time without ***** pooling in your sack. Which will in turn lead to ***** entering your semen and staining whatever object or person you're ejaculating over. Which all equates to social inadequacy and unwanted seclusion.

An iron spike shoved down your urethra is a winner IMO, but you must play safe because as my uncle always says; an iron spike shoved down your urethra isn't something to play with.

:1orglaugh

Isn't he funny. I loved that man. Shame about the spike thing......