They probably date regular, confident, financially stable guys who treat women with respect and have their life figured out. And by financially stable I don't mean rich. A solid career can go a long way in making a woman feel secure. You don't have to be a millionaire or a doctor or Brad Pitt to land girls like this. Too many guys see a good lookin woman and assume she's a gold digger and use it as an excuse not to approach her.
I think a lot of girls date guys in the industry (actors, directors, cameramen, etc) because they're open and comfortable with their porn career. Especially in this industry, an understanding and acceptance of their career is probably more important than money, looks, etc.
And please stop assuming everybody will get on your ass about all the race shit. I know it might sound impossible, but if you can go a while without bringing up the race card or pitying yourself and just be a regular member, this stigma that you carry will disappear. Try it.