1) When we gain weight we can’t blame the pregnancies.
2) When one of your ********* gets in a fight at school and your other ******** yells, “Sweep the leg Johnny” everyone blames you.
3) Our fingers aren’t made for little buttons. They’re just not. If buttons needed hammering we’d be the ones to call. Finessing buttons? Not so much.
4) **** can’t guilt our ******** by saying, “We carried you for nine months.”
5) “Wait until your Mommy gets home” just doesn’t sound as scary. It just doesn’t.
6) There are never…and I mean never…changing tables for babies in men’s bathrooms. That makes things…messy. Tricky and messy.
7) We don’t match clothes so well. If there were more **** dressing ****, Garanimals would be made for every age of a *****’s life. I’d seriously be sending my **** to college with monkeys and tigers on their tags. In fact, as the **** got bigger you could do larger ******* like rhinos, hippos or whales. Now, it’s possible girls don’t want whales on their tags but we could work that out later in therapy.
8) Moms can disguise a diaper bag as a pocketbook. No matter what, men can’t make a diaper bag look cool.
9) No matter what, guys can’t look cool in a minivan. Let’s face it, if there were more **** at home with **** there’d be convertible minivans and ******* minivans. But there’s not.
10) When women see **** out with **** they assume we’re sensitive people who like to chit chat. We’re guys. We don’t chit or chat. When we see people we know we say “hey” but we don’t stop moving. We never stop moving. We’re like sharks in that way.
11) If you’re out with a buddy along with your **** out somewhere, people come up to you to tell you they support your right to adopt ******** and they love Elton John’s music.
12) **** go to *** for hugs. They go to **** for tickle fights. And let’s face it tickle fights are a lot harder. Everyone wins in a hug. There are no winners in a tickle fight because they never end.
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