FMyLife!

[w1ll0]

Post the best/worst/funniest FML's you can find...


'Today, I turned 18. Nothing was said at breakfast, but I figured they'd remember and we'd have cake at night. I came home and there was cake, but not for me. My ****** got her period for the first time during the day and they were celebrating. Apparently, a vaginal discharge was more important. FML'

'Today, my gf and I were planning to have dinner plans at 6. I called her at 6:09 asking where she was [i was at the restaurant waiting] and she said "I'm at mcdonalds with jessica.. call u later?" I then had to get my waiter to tell him to remove the ring from the dessert so I could go home. FML'

'Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgewise for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML'

:glugglug:

 

[Alyssa Rose]

I love FML's They make my day seem amazing<3

'Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML'

'Today, my girlfriend called me and told me "she has a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So, I hurried home only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML'

'Today, I flew to Mexico with my (now ex) boyfriend of two years. It was my first time flying, and apparently I have a fear. I had a panic ****** on the plane. When we landed, I got dumped for "causing a scene." I am now stranded in Mexico alone for two weeks with no hotel room booked. FML'

'Today, I stumbled upon my girlfriend's Twitter account that I didn't know existed. A recent entry states that living with me is pathetic; "it's just that the current economical situation doesn't leave her with many options." FML'

'Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML'

'Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his ******'s beach house to surprise him. FML'

theres tons more but those are pretty funny

 

[STDiva]

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[lurkingdirk]

nice thread! :thumbsup:

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

Today, I wanted to have a good lunch with my wife before fasting for my surgery which I may not survive, she decided getting her hair cut was more important. I ate alone. FML

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

Today I noticed that my ******** was making funny noises which oddly ressembled the sounds my wife makes in bed. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night. FML

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW:
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

 

[Legzman]

my job is the ultimate FML...whatever the fuck that is? So...I say end game!

 

[member987]

No need to end it, just move it to post games where it belongs. FML.

 

[Vanilla Bear]

What does FML mean? :o

 

[w1ll0]

F*** my life :L
its a website where people share stories of how bad there day has been ^^ few examples above
Fmylife.com