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Today I'm having a 22 ounce can of Bush's Grillin' Beans(Southern Pit Barbecue). Just to make sure I'm not eating expired food again I made it a point to buy that can today also. I'm not comfortable assuming things anymore. Also found some pork in the back of the icebox that I had no idea was...

You calling a plumber at this hour? Do you think he knew he wrecked yer terlit?

Even if you're an atheist you should still feel sorry for God and Jesus for all the bad representation they have on Earth. What point is it being a Christian if you find the path of Jesus to be inconvenient? This woman is as true to the Lord as her neighbors from Kansas.

Just clowning around a bit. Your juicy ass makes my mouth water..

You do that on Sunday also?

You forgot to mention Jews and women before also. Fun picking on them too. You'll find that we Americans are a fairly hearty people and can take a good ribbing. Don't enrage us too bad though or we'll bring Hellfire.

I've found no reason to believe in Satan down here anymore that you've had a sighting of Santa up there. "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the World that he doesn't exist." "The most profitable trick the Church ever pulled was convincing the World the Devil does exist."...

I admit to enjoying this story but it's not my fault the Church is so easy to poke fun at. It's their turn to get poked anyway. http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/local/Priest-Who-Ran-Meth-Ring-to-Be-Sentenced-302893881.html

Jeny, you have a luscious ass. I'd like to wear those butt-cheeks as ear muffs and have your starfish as my dinner plate licking it clean. I'll be your Prince Charmin and you'll never have to wipe your royal ass ever again. "Girl, you done got mah attention."

Unfortunately many times those are the easiest people to pick on so the tirade of predatory humor shall continue. I don't know too much about Finland nor have many Finnish jokes so I stick by the stand-by low hanging fruit mentioning trolls and that one gal from Finland I did the sex to. Good...

Most darky jokes are racist and tend to be either funny or not funny. The quality of the humor should matter more than the political correctness. Risk equals reward here also.

Great video and talk about the agony of defeat. Thank God for YouTube.

You made this black character laugh so hard he **** his pants. "Da po-lice sure be dump! Uh...woops. Excuse me..."

Fair to Midland, friend, which is pretty good. I appreciate your potential grieving of my eventual departure. Errr... yip. Maybe chop off a toe with my Black & Decker Weedwacker.

I searched around but only came up with demo and clean version.

No but it's not because I'm not a fan of hers. I **** books because of all of that reading. If I can't knock it out while pinching off a loaf it ain't worth consuming.

I'm still happy the torrrent of *** ejected the right way not having my salmon pushed upstream even if I was taking one for the team. The fact that the printing of the expiration date was small enough combined with the fact that I didn't have my glasses handy should be worth a few bucks. I hope...

Through bad self-esteem knowing a man's dick is not like a bus to her that cums around every 15 minutes. More like waiting for aliens to come down to earth to probe her. Lighting don't strike twice especially from outer space even though Captain Kirk'll fuck anyone or anything being even more...

Should someone be so obedient to their political party so anyone in the herd could complete their sentence? I get tired of the same talking points that are intended to beat into or ***** into someone's head. Sean Hannity's constant shilling, repeat-after-me Hannitizing is for the weak-minded who...

You can't count on anyone who can't be held accountable. She might be a nice lady and a kind soul but unfortunately a lost cause. Love her forever but never enter her body again. I left California to get away from one and convinced the other one to go back home to Georgia. I'm a bit of a sucker...

When Alan Colmes left there was talk of a Hannity & Powers show with Kirsten Powers taking over in Alan's place. I like her and think that would have been a good move. Someone needs to hit Hannity with a cattle prod every so often before he turns his positions into cartoons. What happened to...

True but don't be overly chivalrous with them or you'll find yourself in a 4 year relationship with one. Maybe doing it again and again following a pattern of consistency that is never broken or even forks away at an interval. Stick your dick in the cuckoo-bird but jump outta the window after...

How's it goin', fellas? Woke up this morning, took a healthy ****, and I'm just fine. Went to McDonald's and had my 2 Sausage McMuffins w/egg, Hash Browns, and a small coffee w/6 sugars and 3 creams. **** that out too and now working on a cup of Peet's French Roast Coffee. My stools were nice...

Greasing up my ass to take one for the team might be something I'm not comfortable with. How much money we talking?

The little nurse bought a 5 gallon drum of banana ketchup from CostCo. I don't like the taste of that crap so I'll Preparation H it. After I push the banana ketchup upstream letting it settle in my stomach, then what?

In case this is my last night on Earth and I no longer have the ability to contact you or even log onto the board I need to reveal who's responsible for my downfall. You guessed it. Frank Stallone.

The can wasn't bulging or seeping too bad and I didn't have much trouble prying it off the shelf so I'm starting to think I might get through this. Can you still call and shake them down for a few bucks? Maybe pull an Al Sharpton and shame them with the Botulism Card? Put your fangs in...

Norm MacDonald's 3 1/2 minute moth joke. Hang in there. It's worth it.

You laying the groundwork for your Stagg Chili lawsuit having a contingency plan in case I buy the ****? How much money can I get if I *** outta my butt for 5 days? Take into consideration I'm ****** to stay close to the house and the ******* could be as insufferable as my stool is loose.

Am I gonna be OK? It was Ranch House Chicken Chili with Beans if that matters. I wonder how putrid my farts will smell after eating chili that went bad over 2 years ago.

When I was a *** on Saturday mornings I would watch Bill Watts' UWF then the great Pro Wrestling This Week came on. It was a magazine-type program that covered the territories in a more sport's journalism fashion protecting kayfabe. Some character uploaded a bunch of them on YouTube. Comb...

Here's a good Tucker Carlson clip with him and Greta fighting.

"Yer right, ah reckon. Ah remember this one feller..." "GET THEM OFF MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

****, I thought there were only two. I guess there's more on the loose that still need to be apprehended. Let's turn the priest who turned into an imam into a cop from Baltimore. "Can you give us any information about the remaining Black dudes from Walking Dead that are still out there? I...

I can't stand Greg Gutfeld. He has a job because he's well-behaved and walks well on leash not because he's funny. His jokes are awful many times having massive build-ups with zero payoff. He scans the room with his eyes giving everyone nervous diarrhea which conjures up awkward reactions but a...

They're holding another one of those celebrations of free speech and defense of 1st Amendment rights. Be careful of who's cage you're rattling making sure they're not the type that gets sent to the hospital instead. "Ah cain't believe they're gonna burn all them copies of the American Sniper...

A double facial spreading my semen evenly over Marie Osmond and Melissa Joan Hart's pretty faces.

Is her husband aware of this? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephanie_Rawlings-Blake

I went there today and that's what they told me. The lady at the drive-thru was nice and offered me a Steak & Egg Breakfast Burrito but I wasn't interested. She was a Vietnamese lady in her 40s with a paunch belly but had really pretty skin and I might have been interested in her...

I imagine the cat doesn't want to suffer the embarrassment of being associated with a hooker either.

"THE RAPTUUUUUUUUUURE!!!!!!!!"

Yep. Now he's an imam.

http://www.tmz.com/2015/05/04/seth-gilliam-arrested-for-dui-*********-possession-walking-dead/

I shave my head but maybe she felt sorry for me because of my excessive beard dandruff. If I don't brush it away it looks like I dumped some dried Quaker Oats on my shirt.

I gotta hankerin' for another one of those Blazin' Chicken Sandwiches. They taste good but they're not as spicy as the commercial makes you think. Still good. Think I'm getting some of their great Curly Fries too. Definitely not leaving without my Large Orange Fanta soda pop.