I would also soil my underwear, but within weeks my story of the bank robbery would change somewhat.....
friend- "so i hear you were in the bank the other week when it got robbed"
me- "yes but i don't like talking about it"
friend - "oh why? come on tell us."
me- "ok then. i created a "diversion" hoping one of the guards could mount a surprise ******"
friend- "wow! did it work?"
me- "sadly no. the guard wimped out on me"
friend- "what was your diversion?"
me- "hey look i gotta go! late for work"