Where's the option "Because it sucks" at?
Seriously (well actually I was being semi-serious because I do think it sucking is most of what people here don't like about it.) just off the top of my head.
1. Like others have said it's low scoring. In fact, it's low scoring to the point where luck and random chance plays a significantly greater role than any other major sport in the world. The actual skill of the players doesn't mean that much compared to other in single games, and the only real way to find the best team is through regression to the mean after playing a ton of games to see who wins the most over a long period. The best teams are rightly supposed to win most of the time, but it's just way too easy for significantly inferior teams to beat or tie a better one. Even when they lose it's usually not by that much.
2. There are ties in it, and AMERICANS HATE TIES IN SPORTS, and rightly so. A big part of the spirit and essence of competition is one side wins and one side loses. It's not an uncommon occurrence either unlike say American football where technically there can be a tie but it happens once ever 5 or 6 years out of over a thousand games. Instead it happens a little under half the games. I mean who doesn't like the possibility of a mighty 0-0 tie? Even in hockey ties are rather rare, and in baseball the games designed to be impossible to end in a tie.
3. It's pretty much the only sport I can think of where the same team moves the object they need to score with backwards almost as much as they do forward. After about the second consecutive backwards pass I can't take it seriously. I also can't express how dumb I think being allowed to pass back to your own goalie is. It's just so blatantly cheap.
4. Relatively low physical contact with some of the weakest professional players in the world. Sure players have to have a lot of endurance to do well in the sport, but there is a reason things like MMA, American football, hockey ect ect...are a lot better than watching marathon running. I also can't say I like the fact that a huge portion of everyday people would be able to kick the asses of players that play soccer. That just doesn’t happen with most other sports. A good sport deals with all or at least multiple aspects of physical fitness, not just endurance.
5. It has more floppers in than any other sports I have ever seen...combined. My God, I and thought basketball players were bad. Some people can go down at the slightest breeze hitting them.
6. Because of the low scoring, the fact ties can happen, and the way you can move the ball it leads to way too many bullshit strategies that would not only embarrass me if I was a player, but are actually successful. It makes a mockery of the spirit of competition. Half the time I wonder if the teams even give a damn or if they are even trying to win. One of my least favorite things to watch is when one team that inferior gets lucky and scores early and pretty much just shuts it down and plays defense the rest of the game, and they will, sadly, probably win. An American football team winding it down in the closing minutes of a game where they lead 35-10 or a basketball team when leading 90-70 is one thing. A soccer team winding it down near the beginning when they have a 1-0 or 2-1 lead something else.
7. The offsides rule in it is to be blunt, pretty stupid. It's like they put it in because somebody at some time was afraid a team might score more than two or three goals often. At the very least they should make it a static line like in hockey, not some nonsensical system where the opposing team gets to create the line by where they want to stand.
8. The fact that despite there being an even number of players on a team the rules position people so there are more defenders than there are attackers baring people getting red carded. Again it's like they are scared of what might happen if they actually let scoring happen in it.
9. The way that time is keep, especially extra time at the end. It's stupid that there is no definitive clock people can look at to know how much time is left.
10. The fact that soccer teams have sunk to the level of putting advertising on their uniforms. As bad as our sports have gotten and have become commercialized we haven't gotten that bad,...yet at least.
11. Soccer fans suck at cheering. I like the ebb and flow of the crowds of other sports. You know good action is going on just by listening to them. In soccer it's just one big cacophony.
I can think of a few rule changes it could do to at least make it bearable watching the would be:
1. You can't make more than two backwards pass consecutively (and I might even consider limiting it to one). If you do the other team gets possession.
2. The goalkeeper isn't allowed to receive a pass from his own teammates under any circumstances. To make it easier it might just be easier to have it where the goalkeeper isn't allowed to touch the ball unless it's last touched by the opposing team. A violation of this rule results in the other team getting a penalty shot and possession of the ball if the penalty shot misses. When the goalkeeper has possession of the ball he must get rid of it in 2 or 3 seconds or possession goes to the other team.
(If for some reason those two above rule aren't enough I would also think about instituting a "non-aggressive" penalty to the team that's not trying to advance the wall or is time wasting.
3. There are no offsides, or at the very least make it like hockey where it's determined by a static line on the field.
4. Any player can go to any spot on the field any time the want.
5. More physical contact should be allowed. Normal penalties for chances of possession would just be considered incidental contact and ignored as long as the person was trying to go for the ball. Only things that would bring out the yellow card now would function as a normal penalty that would change possession, and yellow and red card would only be given out for the most flagrant of acts. Things like intentional tripping, holding, or using ones arms to hinder the movement of opposing players would not be allowed.
6. I would also think about reducing the number of people on the field. Combined with some of the above rules it would open up more space and allow more scoring. I might also allow unlimited substitutions where players could leave and return to the game as often as they wanted at times they are allowed to substitute now to keep people fresher and the action up.
Maybe if they did all that, or at least most of it soccer might be bearable.