The female demerit system

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
• You make the bed (+1)
• You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
• You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
• You go out to buy her what she wants (+5); in the rain (+8); but return with **** (-5)
• You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
• You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
• You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
• You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
• It's her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
• You stay by her side the entire party (0)
• You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy
(-2)
• Named Tina (-10)
• Tina is a dancer (-20)
• Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
• You take her out to dinner (+2)
• You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
• Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
• And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
• It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
• You take her to a movie (+1)
• You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
• You take her to a movie you **** (+6)
• You take her to a movie you like (-2)
• It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
• You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
• You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
• You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
• You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
• You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION
• She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5); Yes, you lose points no matter what
• You hesitate in responding (-10)
• You reply, "Where?" (-35)
• Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
• When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
• You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
• You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
• She realizes this is because you have fallen ****** (-4000)
 
Yes, the dreaded "do I look fat?" question. The "do these jeans make my butt look too big?" question is a lot better since you can always go like "HELL, YEAH, BABY!!" in a complementing manner.
 
If I would have gotten that advice some twenty years ago, I would have lived a different life ^^

Thank you!
 
Youre too philosophical there MM, but aint this a funny pics thread?:dunno:
 
There's some truth in this...

That's not true. It's ALL truth!

The fat question.
The trick is to say something before she asks.

If the jeans are tight..
"Damn, your ass looks good in these jeans." +10
Saying that while pressing your hard on against her ass +20

If the jeans are loose,
"Are you losing weight? We need to go buy you new jeans." +5
You actually shop for jeans with her +25

My 2 pence...
Jenny
 
YOUR PHYSIQUE
• You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
• You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
• You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
• You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

That last one is hilarious there :D
 
Back
Top