Can you cry under water?
Yes, but it's not a good idea, that uses up oxygen.
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just ********?
Ask William Shakespeare.
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Stating your opinion requires 2 pennies for 2 thoughts.
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
No. You get the standard robes and wings
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Uhm easier to get the slices out. That corner is a nice empty space for your hand to grab the slice.
What disease did cured ham actually have?
Porkitis
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Luggage had wheels before man landed on the moon.
Why is it that people say they "***** like a baby" when babies **** up like every two hours?
Hmm, well not all babies are that fussy. ***** like a baby is ******** in the warmth of your *** and ***. A feeling of safety and secirity etc.
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Aw shucks ma'am I'm not much for fancy book learnin'.
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Siteseeing, why actually go to Central Park when you can see it from the Empire State Building.
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Well they really don't wanna see your nasty undies.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
I dunno and I don't care just get out of 'em and let's get busy!
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Strange how many folks dig burnt toast!
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
Maybe, but funeral processions get the way of the roads as is so no need to take the special lanes.
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Just cuz you're a professor doesn't mean you're a carpenter too.
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Oh that's a secret best not talked about. It involves genetic manipulation and racism. Tis rather ugly...>_>
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
He loved the taste of fresh ****** roadrunner. Can't get that at a resturant!
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Baby oil ain't oil. Less said the better...>_>
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why don't photons come from futons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Sounds like but not really...
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
I didn't.
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Asteroids are actually space turds!
But you didn't hear that from me. You know Sirius the dog star? He's doing bidness out in the yard which is deep space.
-cs™