I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
-I do physical labor.
-I work at great depths.
-I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
-I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
-I work in a damp environment.
-I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
-I work in high temperatures.
-My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
-You do not work 8 hours straight.
-You fall ****** after brief work periods.
-You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
-You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
-You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
-You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
-You will retire well before you are 65.
-You are unable to work double shifts.
-You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
-You've been seen walking into the "exit only" more than once.
-And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
-I do physical labor.
-I work at great depths.
-I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
-I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
-I work in a damp environment.
-I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
-I work in high temperatures.
-My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
-You do not work 8 hours straight.
-You fall ****** after brief work periods.
-You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
-You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
-You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
-You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
-You will retire well before you are 65.
-You are unable to work double shifts.
-You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
-You've been seen walking into the "exit only" more than once.
-And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
