This is something I have been wondering for a while now. Its kinda personal, so if you don't want to respond thats ok. Let's set up a pretend situation for a moment. Let's pretend you have been dating a girl for a while and you like her a lot. Now let's pretend its come down to that special moment when you know yur about to do it with her. Now, let's pretend she takes off her cloths and it is revealed that she is fat and she was hiding how fat she was under her cloths. what would you do? would you continue with what you were doing and have sex with her, or would you get grossed out and run away? Remember, you actually have feelings for this girl, but you didnt know she was fat until that night. I'm interested in seeing what people respond to this with . . .
Something I have been wondering
- Thread starter SkiSki
- Start date
Aces&Jacks
Retired Mod
If you like a girl and would reject her because she looks heavier without close on, then you never liked her in the first place. To save her the emotional turmoil she would go through if she was in a relationship with someone that shallow, then you shouldn't have sex with her.
I really think it's a function of how much you care about her and how much of it is just physical. At the risk of being cliche, I think there's a point that you have such deep feelings for her that you don't even think about her being fat. You would notice it, yes, and if you were just thinking about her from a physical, sexual perspective it would be a problem.
But I think if the feelings were deep enough it really wouldn't matter.
But I think if the feelings were deep enough it really wouldn't matter.
BNF
Ex-SuperMod
If I'd been "dating" her for a while, like you implied, I think I'd be savvy enough to look at her at some point over time and get an idea of what is underneath.
The "tricks" that fat or overweight people know and use.... are tricks that most other people know anyway, especially since we're not talking about someone just walking past you.
If you're in a situation where you were expecting 75kg/165lb of managable good lovin', but get 90kg/200lb of folds, creases and sags, then, quite honestly, you deserve it for being so unobservant. :2 cents:
The "tricks" that fat or overweight people know and use.... are tricks that most other people know anyway, especially since we're not talking about someone just walking past you.
If you're in a situation where you were expecting 75kg/165lb of managable good lovin', but get 90kg/200lb of folds, creases and sags, then, quite honestly, you deserve it for being so unobservant. :2 cents:
dave_rhino
Closed Account
If your in love with the person it shouldn't bother you one bit.
Love and lust are two very different things.
Love is you like the whole. That means every single thing about her. Your not going to end a relationship just because she carrying a little more weight than you thought.
Lust is your just after the shell image. A sexual desire to have sex with the person and nothing else. So if the image fails to live up to what you had in your minds eye. You can easily walk away from it and move on.
Love and lust are two very different things.
Love is you like the whole. That means every single thing about her. Your not going to end a relationship just because she carrying a little more weight than you thought.
Lust is your just after the shell image. A sexual desire to have sex with the person and nothing else. So if the image fails to live up to what you had in your minds eye. You can easily walk away from it and move on.
BNF
Ex-SuperMod
... I'm not so liberal as many of my esteemed friends that have replied here.
If her fatness (or her moustache , or short legs or .... rugby player neck, whatever) bothers you now, it probably won't get any better with time - it being your feelings AND the problem area.
That's one of the nice parts of a new relationship - you can end it and start over because of small things without being to heavily invested.
Try breaking up with a girlfriend of 5 years, when one of the reasons, is that you have always been turn off by her.... add your pick here.
If her fatness (or her moustache , or short legs or .... rugby player neck, whatever) bothers you now, it probably won't get any better with time - it being your feelings AND the problem area.
That's one of the nice parts of a new relationship - you can end it and start over because of small things without being to heavily invested.
Try breaking up with a girlfriend of 5 years, when one of the reasons, is that you have always been turn off by her.... add your pick here.
member006
Closed Account
I **** to be the one to say it, but really if you never noticed WTF? Most men look at too much porn and models. Welcome to the real world, if you didn't notice it when she had clothes on it can't be that much of a difference.
You said you dated her for awhile? How long is awhile? Could it be she was heavy and has lost weight and just not tightened up yet? What is your idea of fat? Was that a bit of an exaggeration? A little bit of tummy, thighs? I'm not fat, but not flat either. Also you must remember real world people aren't enhanced, don't expect air brushed and hydraulic lifted perfection in the real world. lol
If you care for her it shouldn't matter. If it does matter that much than you want her for the wrong reasons, just leave her alone. I think you had yourself built up and were let down because of your own hype. News flash most women do look better in their clothes than without. *shrugs* Maybe not 'ugly' but most each have 'imperfections' of some sort. A sag, stretch mark, pouch... Just my :2 cents:
LL
You said you dated her for awhile? How long is awhile? Could it be she was heavy and has lost weight and just not tightened up yet? What is your idea of fat? Was that a bit of an exaggeration? A little bit of tummy, thighs? I'm not fat, but not flat either. Also you must remember real world people aren't enhanced, don't expect air brushed and hydraulic lifted perfection in the real world. lol
If you care for her it shouldn't matter. If it does matter that much than you want her for the wrong reasons, just leave her alone. I think you had yourself built up and were let down because of your own hype. News flash most women do look better in their clothes than without. *shrugs* Maybe not 'ugly' but most each have 'imperfections' of some sort. A sag, stretch mark, pouch... Just my :2 cents:
LL
ChefChiTown
The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
If you really and truly like her a lot, you wouldn't care if she was fat or not. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like having her relationship come to an end just because she has a little "extra" weight.
Think of it like this...
Would you like it if you were judged on how small and funny looking your penis is?
I know I don't...(depressing sigh)
Think of it like this...
Would you like it if you were judged on how small and funny looking your penis is?
I know I don't...(depressing sigh)
Im curious to know what happens when she steps out, revealing herself to you fully naked, taking the ultimate step of being vulnerable, what is your reaction to this revelation.
Better question, what did you do?
In my experience no one poses this sort of question for shits and giggles, and dont go tellings us it happened to a friend of yours.
Another poster said and I agree, just how was she hiding all this fat, that you couldnt notice, for it to amount to a point on her body that you would have second thoughts.
My girlfriend does not have the perfect cliche body we all ogle on freeones, nor is she fat in anyway, she has shape and I love every single damn inch of her! Whereas your situation is a fat girl pretending to be thin, my situation saw a girl believing she was fat and revealing herself to me took a lot of courage, only to discover she was nothing of the sort. Had I gotten "grossed out and ran away" it would have crushed her confidence and destroyed an already fragile self image.
You dont need to see a girl outright naked to guage her body, and putting that much significance on her body says alot about a person being as shallow as a puddle.
Better question, what did you do?
In my experience no one poses this sort of question for shits and giggles, and dont go tellings us it happened to a friend of yours.
Another poster said and I agree, just how was she hiding all this fat, that you couldnt notice, for it to amount to a point on her body that you would have second thoughts.
My girlfriend does not have the perfect cliche body we all ogle on freeones, nor is she fat in anyway, she has shape and I love every single damn inch of her! Whereas your situation is a fat girl pretending to be thin, my situation saw a girl believing she was fat and revealing herself to me took a lot of courage, only to discover she was nothing of the sort. Had I gotten "grossed out and ran away" it would have crushed her confidence and destroyed an already fragile self image.
You dont need to see a girl outright naked to guage her body, and putting that much significance on her body says alot about a person being as shallow as a puddle.
SkiSki, I think you need to work on honing your skills of perception, put a little more effort into not being such a hopelessly shallow cad or, preferably, both.
Maybe I pay too much attention and too much time looking at physiques and the bodies of women, but I think there is only so much fat somebody can hide short of being in a full parka the entire time you see them. To have it make that much of a difference you would really have to not being paying very good attention to somebody your dating. :dunno:
