It is a good question, that's for sure.
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Porn Use ~ Single person VS. Married person
- Thread starter coverlife
- Start date
It is a good question, that's for sure.
I had a girlfriend who watched porn with me. i think its a perfectly cool for EVERYONE to watch porn.
R
RogueAlan
Guest
great topic with personal relevance...
i wasn't 'good with the girls' & have been with just 1 woman my entire life.
from say age 12 or 13, when i realized what women looked like thanks to hugh hefner & a convenient arrangement of Playboy in the grocery store magazine section, i have enjoyed looking at naked women... Understanding that's not reality any more than the 'i never thought the stories were real until..' are real.
in any case, when i met my wife, & courted my wife... & waited for marriage with my wife, pornography was a key, shall we say, stress reliever. and after marriage, only a few minutes of the most tame x rated video were a guarantee to have an aroused wife.
i agree with those who've said why hide it... if you're hiding something you think it's wrong or you know they would think it's wrong, & either is a recipe for disaster. so i never tried to hide anything. Playboy arrived once a month, the odd tape arrived with through the mail lingerie i got for my wife. She knew about Playboy from before 'day 1'... hell, she & her mother went out & bought the issue that I mentioned included a piece on the place we were going for our honeymoon.
so fast forward 20 years... Yes, TWENTY YEARS. While the real cause is frankly an obsession with exercise *& no, that does NOT mean I'm out of shape... I just don't spend 5 hours a day at the gym, since I'm the one who is working for a living* & a 'divorce buddy' (friend who just got a divore) who's encouraging her to stop working at marriage, her stated claim is that i am 'addicted to pornography.'
That's not based on paying for any pornography in a decade... or spending time in porn shops or locked in my den drooling & eating cheetos... No, this that you're reading, this is pornography, based on the shared interest in beautiful women. & the stories I've written & read (& have had her read with pleasant & pleasurable results) supposedly have 'sickened her for years.' There's no reality to the suggestion i would choose any of that over even foreplay with my now estranged wife, but ask lots of other husbands... years of 'not tonight, i have a headache' & 'let's do it in the morning' that never result in actual action led me to the point i frankly told her, 'when you're interested, know that I'm interested & tell me... anytime, anyplace... I'll be there...
do i sound sufficiently bitter?
in short, the suggestion porn is just for single people obviously comes from a single person... if you enjoy porn now, nobody should expect that to change just because you are married... you may not have an hour or 20 minutes in a night to surf FreeOnes et al, but if a woman or man expects you to change for them, they're a fool for agreeing or asking for marriage.
what's the saying, anything in moderation. Porn can be a solid addition to a couple or marriage, & can keep a relatively more sexual partner from straying or pushing a less sexual partner to the point they are upset.
I believe the labels we apply... one person's erotica is another person's pornography... hurt relationships in the US more than viewing a bare tit or vaginal penetration. & the double standards that are tacitly endorsed by people such as Elliot Spitzer keep us from enjoying healthy sexuality even at a couple level.
In my case? Hell, it's a great stress reliever at a time there's lots of stress... imagine having to defend that I'm not Jack the Ripper by showing stories I've written to my family & her family because she's telling people total shit about me as a justification for choosing divorce... Sadly, it isn't pornography at all that's the root of the problem, but trust... or the lack thereof. & then pornography can become an excuse... but if i'd never seen a playboy or a penthouse letter the trust issue wouldn't have changed, I'd just have that many fewer interesting stories i choose NOT to tell, because they're private & wouldn't mean anything to anyone else.
Wayyyy too long & wayyy too personal, so to the few that read this far, my apologies.
Porn 'use' is something to be enjoyed by adults of either sex, whether single, involved, or married. It's not a crime, sin, or disease.
Now stop reading & check out the new additions to adult models, centerfolds, or porn stars...
or better yet, sign off, shut down, & go tell the person who's special to you that they're special to you... & show it to them!
Pax
RA
i wasn't 'good with the girls' & have been with just 1 woman my entire life.
from say age 12 or 13, when i realized what women looked like thanks to hugh hefner & a convenient arrangement of Playboy in the grocery store magazine section, i have enjoyed looking at naked women... Understanding that's not reality any more than the 'i never thought the stories were real until..' are real.
in any case, when i met my wife, & courted my wife... & waited for marriage with my wife, pornography was a key, shall we say, stress reliever. and after marriage, only a few minutes of the most tame x rated video were a guarantee to have an aroused wife.
i agree with those who've said why hide it... if you're hiding something you think it's wrong or you know they would think it's wrong, & either is a recipe for disaster. so i never tried to hide anything. Playboy arrived once a month, the odd tape arrived with through the mail lingerie i got for my wife. She knew about Playboy from before 'day 1'... hell, she & her mother went out & bought the issue that I mentioned included a piece on the place we were going for our honeymoon.
so fast forward 20 years... Yes, TWENTY YEARS. While the real cause is frankly an obsession with exercise *& no, that does NOT mean I'm out of shape... I just don't spend 5 hours a day at the gym, since I'm the one who is working for a living* & a 'divorce buddy' (friend who just got a divore) who's encouraging her to stop working at marriage, her stated claim is that i am 'addicted to pornography.'
That's not based on paying for any pornography in a decade... or spending time in porn shops or locked in my den drooling & eating cheetos... No, this that you're reading, this is pornography, based on the shared interest in beautiful women. & the stories I've written & read (& have had her read with pleasant & pleasurable results) supposedly have 'sickened her for years.' There's no reality to the suggestion i would choose any of that over even foreplay with my now estranged wife, but ask lots of other husbands... years of 'not tonight, i have a headache' & 'let's do it in the morning' that never result in actual action led me to the point i frankly told her, 'when you're interested, know that I'm interested & tell me... anytime, anyplace... I'll be there...
do i sound sufficiently bitter?
in short, the suggestion porn is just for single people obviously comes from a single person... if you enjoy porn now, nobody should expect that to change just because you are married... you may not have an hour or 20 minutes in a night to surf FreeOnes et al, but if a woman or man expects you to change for them, they're a fool for agreeing or asking for marriage.
what's the saying, anything in moderation. Porn can be a solid addition to a couple or marriage, & can keep a relatively more sexual partner from straying or pushing a less sexual partner to the point they are upset.
I believe the labels we apply... one person's erotica is another person's pornography... hurt relationships in the US more than viewing a bare tit or vaginal penetration. & the double standards that are tacitly endorsed by people such as Elliot Spitzer keep us from enjoying healthy sexuality even at a couple level.
In my case? Hell, it's a great stress reliever at a time there's lots of stress... imagine having to defend that I'm not Jack the Ripper by showing stories I've written to my family & her family because she's telling people total shit about me as a justification for choosing divorce... Sadly, it isn't pornography at all that's the root of the problem, but trust... or the lack thereof. & then pornography can become an excuse... but if i'd never seen a playboy or a penthouse letter the trust issue wouldn't have changed, I'd just have that many fewer interesting stories i choose NOT to tell, because they're private & wouldn't mean anything to anyone else.
Wayyyy too long & wayyy too personal, so to the few that read this far, my apologies.
Porn 'use' is something to be enjoyed by adults of either sex, whether single, involved, or married. It's not a crime, sin, or disease.
Now stop reading & check out the new additions to adult models, centerfolds, or porn stars...
or better yet, sign off, shut down, & go tell the person who's special to you that they're special to you... & show it to them!
Pax
RA
Porn has only enhanced my relationships.
Mine too. She falls asleep on the couch half way through the daily show...and I go spank it to porn...I have a great marriage.
I've been in relationships where porn is "allowed" by my girlfriend, even watched some together for stimulation/exploration purposes. I've also been (and am currently) in a relationship where porn is strictly verboten. Being a porn addict, I'm still watching/looking either way.
For my part, I've found that my relationships with "porn-friendly" women have not been successful. I'm sure there's all kinds of psychological studies to explain this, but...
I've also found that in a relationship where porn is not allowed, I tend to have sex with my fiancee more often when I haven't been looking at porn for awhile- it's like my head's out of the fantasy land of silicon queens and in-your-eye-cumshots, and "normal" sex with a "normal" woman seems more appealing to me.
I'm kind of echoing what others are saying here, just in my own words - but that's what a message board is all about, right
For my part, I've found that my relationships with "porn-friendly" women have not been successful. I'm sure there's all kinds of psychological studies to explain this, but...
I've also found that in a relationship where porn is not allowed, I tend to have sex with my fiancee more often when I haven't been looking at porn for awhile- it's like my head's out of the fantasy land of silicon queens and in-your-eye-cumshots, and "normal" sex with a "normal" woman seems more appealing to me.
I'm kind of echoing what others are saying here, just in my own words - but that's what a message board is all about, right
My wife does not approve of my porn viewing. I personally do not think it takes anything away from my marriage - it actually enhances it. I have never cheated on my wife and I think part of that is that I can safely and sanely look (among other things) at other women.
Ironically she caught me last week looking at Freeones and was very mad for a day - the next day the makeup sex was great!
Ironically she caught me last week looking at Freeones and was very mad for a day - the next day the makeup sex was great!
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