Ok, Hi. 
Right, I'm not sure how comfortable I am creating this thread and telling you guys/girls about this.....
Basically, I have this obsession for a porn star, I'm sure your thinking "Oh, wow, nothing we haven't heard before"
I don't want to mention her name, due to stuff being a bit sensitive and I don't feel it would be right to say exactly who it is, because I started struggling with this stuff when we talked via email and she told me some things.
Ok, I followed this porn star about 2 1/2 years ago on twitter, and we emailed each other a few times and chatted, and everything was cool.
What happened was, about the 5th email I sent, I told her that I thought she was more beautiful just being herself than when she was shooting porn.
Basically I sent the email and I was looking past her porn character and actually talking about her, ya know.... not sending a message, about dick, and what an amazing slut she is.
Later she replied and she told me this.....
She thanked me for looking past her porn character, and she told me to never stop talking to her, because she needed someone like me in her life.
She then told me, that she had been crying, and she said that she felt like she was losing herself in porn.
She told me, that she had been looking into a mirror and saying her name over and over to herself, and crying.... and then she told me her middle name, and she said she didn't want to be "her porn name" because that's not who she is.
Ok, from this point on... I was obsessed, to be honest I didn't really know what to do, I just couldn't stop thinking about her.
I thought a good idea would be to put as much genuine love into twitter as I could, because there perhaps would have been a chance that it would help her in some way.
Things were ok, for a while, but I had this constant nagging thought running round my head, "is she really happy?"
I was convinced really that deep down she wasn't....
I couldn't watch her porn scenes after this.... and when I did, I found that for some reason, it would make me feel upset.
But I also felt like I couldn't leave on twitter, because she had asked me not to.
I found it really hard to stay on twitter amongst all the fans and porn, it was like I had these feelings towards her that didn't fit in with it all.
I made mistakes, because I would send her emails telling her how much I loved her and cared about her, but she wouldn't really reply back to me, and that made me feel quite angry and annoyed.
I think now, I should have told her I didn't feel comfortable with what she had told me, and I would like to talk about it with her.
I wasn't thinking straight really, I felt a bit lost in my own thoughts and feelings about it.
Overtime, on twitter it just went from bad to worse..... she started ignoring me more and more... I understand why, because I was obsessive and I couldn't get the same thought out of my head. "is she really happy?
She started replying to fans instead of me, and she would say things in her tweets, like she's just a slut, and various other things that were the opposite of what she'd told me.
It really got to me and annoyed me to be honest.
I've asked her on many many occasions to talk with me, but she just won't.
I've tried leaving twitter, and I took a 2 month break from the internet entirely, but I found myself still thinking about her.
Now, I've just returned to the net, and I always end up on my twitter account, I just end me checking her page, and it's kind of like a cycle.
I end up thinking about the same stuff.
idk.. but it's been like this for ages, it's very uncomfortable to be honest.
She seems fine and happy in the industry, I can see this, but this strange obsession just continues.
I think the idea of me hoping she'll talk to me has long gone.
It's my fault really, for getting angry with her, and I don't feel bitter towards her, or think she was wrong to tell me that stuff.
Ya know, shit just happens sometimes. lol
I'll be honest, I think I might have to just quit twitter for good, stay away from porn, and go and tell a doctor that I have an obsession. :/
Man. :/
Right, I'm not sure how comfortable I am creating this thread and telling you guys/girls about this.....
Basically, I have this obsession for a porn star, I'm sure your thinking "Oh, wow, nothing we haven't heard before"
I don't want to mention her name, due to stuff being a bit sensitive and I don't feel it would be right to say exactly who it is, because I started struggling with this stuff when we talked via email and she told me some things.
Ok, I followed this porn star about 2 1/2 years ago on twitter, and we emailed each other a few times and chatted, and everything was cool.
What happened was, about the 5th email I sent, I told her that I thought she was more beautiful just being herself than when she was shooting porn.
Basically I sent the email and I was looking past her porn character and actually talking about her, ya know.... not sending a message, about dick, and what an amazing slut she is.
Later she replied and she told me this.....
She thanked me for looking past her porn character, and she told me to never stop talking to her, because she needed someone like me in her life.
She then told me, that she had been crying, and she said that she felt like she was losing herself in porn.
She told me, that she had been looking into a mirror and saying her name over and over to herself, and crying.... and then she told me her middle name, and she said she didn't want to be "her porn name" because that's not who she is.
Ok, from this point on... I was obsessed, to be honest I didn't really know what to do, I just couldn't stop thinking about her.
I thought a good idea would be to put as much genuine love into twitter as I could, because there perhaps would have been a chance that it would help her in some way.
Things were ok, for a while, but I had this constant nagging thought running round my head, "is she really happy?"
I was convinced really that deep down she wasn't....
I couldn't watch her porn scenes after this.... and when I did, I found that for some reason, it would make me feel upset.
But I also felt like I couldn't leave on twitter, because she had asked me not to.
I found it really hard to stay on twitter amongst all the fans and porn, it was like I had these feelings towards her that didn't fit in with it all.
I made mistakes, because I would send her emails telling her how much I loved her and cared about her, but she wouldn't really reply back to me, and that made me feel quite angry and annoyed.
I think now, I should have told her I didn't feel comfortable with what she had told me, and I would like to talk about it with her.
I wasn't thinking straight really, I felt a bit lost in my own thoughts and feelings about it.
Overtime, on twitter it just went from bad to worse..... she started ignoring me more and more... I understand why, because I was obsessive and I couldn't get the same thought out of my head. "is she really happy?
She started replying to fans instead of me, and she would say things in her tweets, like she's just a slut, and various other things that were the opposite of what she'd told me.
It really got to me and annoyed me to be honest.
I've asked her on many many occasions to talk with me, but she just won't.
I've tried leaving twitter, and I took a 2 month break from the internet entirely, but I found myself still thinking about her.
Now, I've just returned to the net, and I always end up on my twitter account, I just end me checking her page, and it's kind of like a cycle.
I end up thinking about the same stuff.
idk.. but it's been like this for ages, it's very uncomfortable to be honest.
She seems fine and happy in the industry, I can see this, but this strange obsession just continues.
I think the idea of me hoping she'll talk to me has long gone.
It's my fault really, for getting angry with her, and I don't feel bitter towards her, or think she was wrong to tell me that stuff.
Ya know, shit just happens sometimes. lol
I'll be honest, I think I might have to just quit twitter for good, stay away from porn, and go and tell a doctor that I have an obsession. :/
Man. :/
