My Fuckin' Sister-in-Law!

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

Is there any way you can let it slide and just make sure your sister-in-law doesn't have access to your space in the future? Maybe also avoid seeing her for awhile until you're OK to see her again too.

 

[randysandy]

I was expecting that to be the point lol

Did she tidy up your secret porn stash?

 

[xfire]

What's her politics? If she's outspoken one way or the other you could set her up to look like a supporter of the other side in front of her friends.

*She probably doesn't have any friends, in hindsight.

 

[Ari Dee]

Can I be brazen and weigh in with a feminine perspective?

Your sister-in-law might be a complete shit stirrer, but from an outsiders standpoint.. your wife & SIL just CLEANED A SHED. Your shed, yes, but still.. let's simplify it for what it is, a cleaned shed. It shouldn't be the end of the world, it shouldn't merit a "knock down drag out fight". And I say this as someone who really loathes when people touch or move my possessions.
The real issue here is that you feel like your personal space has been invaded or disrespected, and that you feel like your SIL oversteps her boundaries in your home and in your life.
You simply have to try to cordially, clearly indicate this to both her & your wife. "I really appreciate the effort and intention behind cleaning the shed, but when it's messy, that's my mess to deal with, nobody else's. I'd feel more comfortable with you in my home if you can please manage to respect my personal space. Please understand that I respect your privacy and wish to be shown the same respect."

It sounds like your wifes intentions were pure, even if her sisters weren't. So I get that you don't want to take it out on her, you shouldn't.. but I wouldn't be afraid to tell her she needs to remind her sister to respect boundaries. After all, if one of my siblings was upsetting my partner, I'd take it upon myself to intervene, because them fighting amongst themselves is arguably way worse. Even if your wife is the most passive, sweet person in the world, she needs to be able to clearly define boundaries for herself, for you & for your household. If the SIL can't respect you and your wifes wishes, you have to pick between icing her out and sucking it up. Cause it sounds like neither of you are going anywhere. As it was pointed out by others, she may very well be projecting her own failed relationships/ unhappiness onto your happy marriage.. and it may not be deliberate but it's problematic either way.

And uh, thanks for reminding me why I'm happy that my partner & I's families don't live in the same state lmao

 

[Jagger69]

Can I be brazen and weigh in with a feminine perspective?

Your sister-in-law might be a complete shit stirrer, but from an outsiders standpoint.. your wife & SIL just CLEANED A SHED. Your shed, yes, but still.. let's simplify it for what it is, a cleaned shed. It shouldn't be the end of the world, it shouldn't merit a "knock down drag out fight". And I say this as someone who really loathes when people touch or move my possessions.
The real issue here is that you feel like your personal space has been invaded or disrespected, and that you feel like your SIL oversteps her boundaries in your home and in your life.
You simply have to try to cordially, clearly indicate this to both her & your wife. "I really appreciate the effort and intention behind cleaning the shed, but when it's messy, that's my mess to deal with, nobody else's. I'd feel more comfortable with you in my home if you can please manage to respect my personal space. Please understand that I respect your privacy and wish to be shown the same respect."

It sounds like your wifes intentions were pure, even if her sisters weren't. So I get that you don't want to take it out on her, you shouldn't.. but I wouldn't be afraid to tell her she needs to remind her sister to respect boundaries. After all, if one of my siblings was upsetting my partner, I'd take it upon myself to intervene, because them fighting amongst themselves is arguably way worse. Even if your wife is the most passive, sweet person in the world, she needs to be able to clearly define boundaries for herself, for you & for your household. If the SIL can't respect you and your wifes wishes, you have to pick between icing her out and sucking it up. Cause it sounds like neither of you are going anywhere. As it was pointed out by others, she may very well be projecting her own failed relationships/ unhappiness onto your happy marriage.. and it may not be deliberate but it's problematic either way.

And uh, thanks for reminding me why I'm happy that my partner & I's families don't live in the same state lmao

Certainly you may weigh in and thanks to all for some really good input! However, perhaps I should have elaborated. This is not just a "shed". It is my workshop with a big workbench and many elaborate tools, both mechanized and manual....some hand-held, some floor-mounted. There is lots of wood and other construction material scattered throughout the structure. I'm a fairly serious amateur woodsmith and carpenter. I make simple furniture and other household wood accessories and nick-nacks in my spare time as a hobby and I also pick up a few extra dollars in the process on occasion. At any given time there are various projects on which I am working that are in varying stages of completion, as was the case when the women decided to execute their clean-up project. Also, not to sound like a geek (which maybe I am!), but I build scale-model airplanes in my workshop and have a drafting table set up on against one wall specifically dedicated to that purpose. Due to the tedious nature of many of these projects, particularly the model aircraft ones, certain tools and accessories that have very specific and detailed purposes were positioned in critical places in order for me to more easily work on current projects. So, yes, as you observe, the fact that they took the liberty to move them, clean and rearrange things without my permission or any concern for why I might have chosen to leave them in that arrangement to begin with left me feeling violated and disrespected. Very much so in fact.

Both women knew quite well how important and personal my workshop and shed are to me and yet they deliberately chose to invade and interfere with my privacy in that regard. I can forgive my wife because she has subsequently expressed regret and apologized to me for what they did and I know that she would never have taken it upon herself to do it had her sister not pushed her into it. I do wish that my wife was more assertive as you suggest but it's just the way she is. No....it's Cyndi who is to blame and maybe some will think I'm making too big of a deal about it but this is not the first time she has pissed me off (even though it is definitely the worst). I am going to wait for the perfect opportunity to exact my pound of flesh from her and I am certainly not going to do anything overt that might compromise my wife in any fashion. Right now, I need to simmer down and let a cooler head prevail in order that I might be better able to make the proper assessments when the time comes to respond in kind for her actions against me.

Thanks again to all....keep the advice coming as y'all deem appropriate. Your comments are very helpful! :thumbsup:

 

[gumbosoup]

My dad did wood projects in a shop at our beach house. It was about 8 ft by 12 feet. He liked to use left over oak and other wood. He found it was so time intensive it was not cost effective to sell things He created like wooden train sets. You could buy stuff much cheaper than spend all the time making it. Forget about the cost of wood. He made many fine things that I treasure.

next time she needs something made claim you cant find a tool and let her finance the purchase of something.

This shed needed coastal commission permission and was very expensive for approval. Much cheaper to do a tuff shed from depot store but not legal there.

In the end you neeed to really find out how long it takes to put things back normal and what things are missing permanently and plan your reaction.

It is hard having her in the house as she has other agendas of her own. I no longer give a key to my house to my brother and since my mom lives near my brother- also my mom.

 

[Jagger69]

I dunno, mang. As proven in countless other interpersonal threads, one hundred dollars is a princely sum that cannot be ignored.

If only....

first, find a crazy ass friend who is silly and dumb
second introduce them together to hang out or something
third she will m ove with him and leave ya alone

Good idea but she would be very leery of getting involved with anyone who had anything to do with me. Nice sentiment, however!

You need to test that new saw don't you

Or is that too harsh :troll2:

If only....

Guys, this is great!

I am SO hoping that I would find another Freeones member in my area (Northern Germany)

Yeah, the x-man and me are practically neighbors. He only lives about 100 miles from where I do. In Texas, that's a walk across the street. He's also a really good guy. :thumbsup:

Is there any way you can let it slide and just make sure your sister-in-law doesn't have access to your space in the future? Maybe also avoid seeing her for awhile until you're OK to see her again too.

Now, see? This is the voice of reason speaking and it may well be that, ultimately, I end up heeding his advice. In the meantime, my thirst for cold-blooded vengeance remains unslaked.

What's her politics? If she's outspoken one way or the other you could set her up to look like a supporter of the other side in front of her friends.

*She probably doesn't have any friends, in hindsight.

She's pretty much apolitical. She is way more inclined to spread vicious gossip or run someone down behind their back than to waste her time commenting on anything like politics. If I had to guess she likely leans republican but she doesn't really spend any time concerning herself with such trivial and mundane matters.

 

[Rane1071]

Give her or both of them one hundred dollars. It's a cure all.

:1orglaugh

 

[bi_Mellisa]

Certainly you may weigh in and thanks to all for some really good input! However, perhaps I should have elaborated. This is not just a "shed". It is my workshop with a big workbench and many elaborate tools, both mechanized and manual....some hand-held, some floor-mounted. There is lots of wood and other construction material scattered throughout the structure. I'm a fairly serious amateur woodsmith and carpenter. I make simple furniture and other household wood accessories and nick-nacks in my spare time as a hobby and I also pick up a few extra dollars in the process on occasion. At any given time there are various projects on which I am working that are in varying stages of completion, as was the case when the women decided to execute their clean-up project. Also, not to sound like a geek (which maybe I am!), but I build scale-model airplanes in my workshop and have a drafting table set up on against one wall specifically dedicated to that purpose. Due to the tedious nature of many of these projects, particularly the model aircraft ones, certain tools and accessories that have very specific and detailed purposes were positioned in critical places in order for me to more easily work on current projects. So, yes, as you observe, the fact that they took the liberty to move them, clean and rearrange things without my permission or any concern for why I might have chosen to leave them in that arrangement to begin with left me feeling violated and disrespected. Very much so in fact.

Both women knew quite well how important and personal my workshop and shed are to me and yet they deliberately chose to invade and interfere with my privacy in that regard. I can forgive my wife because she has subsequently expressed regret and apologized to me for what they did and I know that she would never have taken it upon herself to do it had her sister not pushed her into it. I do wish that my wife was more assertive as you suggest but it's just the way she is. No....it's Cyndi who is to blame and maybe some will think I'm making too big of a deal about it but this is not the first time she has pissed me off (even though it is definitely the worst). I am going to wait for the perfect opportunity to exact my pound of flesh from her and I am certainly not going to do anything overt that might compromise my wife in any fashion. Right now, I need to simmer down and let a cooler head prevail in order that I might be better able to make the proper assessments when the time comes to respond in kind for her actions against me.

Thanks again to all....keep the advice coming as y'all deem appropriate. Your comments are very helpful! :thumbsup:

Agree that this a gross violation of personal space, and will add to the "calmly explain this to your wife and SIL after you're back down to a simmer" chorus. Got any pics of the model planes/furniture out of curiosity? Methinks there may be an Etsy store in your future

 

[Elwood70]

Shit like this makes me glad I'm divorced. So, thanks.