Your wife is much dirtier than your van, buddy. I'll show you the tapes of me, her, the trained snakes, and the midget trapeze family. Then you can make your judgment...
I would, but I'm currently doing his wife. It is a complicated position involving three midgets, 8 feet of garden hose, 2 pints of molasses, a small hammer, a sex swing, and three yards of warm top soil.