Ace Boobtoucher
Founder and Captain of the Douchepatrol
As you all know I rarely, if ever, complain about people and their foibles. But this is the magical time of year when we can all gather around the Festivus pole in brotherhood and get past our differences and let people know how we really feel. I'll get started.
It took forever for any of you turds to recognize my post count accomplishments this year.
I didn't receive nearly enough accolades for my awesome AHOTY, Trolls of Freeones or Troll of the Year, threads.
My *******'s ******** dropped a huge goddamned Star Wars spoiler on me during my ******'s birthday celebration.
Someone I thought was a good friend really let me down in a business matter that I won't get into here.
My ********** is a cunt.
And now, not to get too political, because we try to keep that quarantined but:
I don’t like Bernie Sanders, at all. But I respect him infinitely more than HRC. As much as I disagree with him on policy, I think he's a better person than her. In my heart of hearts, I believe that Hillary Clinton is one of the most soulless, evil people that American politics has seen that will do and say absolutely anything for power. The only reason Hillary’s campaign is being vaguely sustained is because she’s a woman and who she’s married to. If you think I’m being sexist, ask yourself how careful everyone besides Donald Trump and Carly Fiorina are in how they address her, and think about whether anyone else would still be running if they had as many scandals or crimes under their belt as she does. The answer is no, and they’d probably be in prison.
At the Oscars earlier this year, a woman worth $24 million had the bravery to stand up for wage equality in a room full of other exorbitantly wealthy morons that rabidly applauded. If a room full of millionaires is the oppressed class in this country, I guess we’re doing something right.
My beloved Hawkeyes lost to Michigan State. That absolutely devastated me.
Bruce Jenner is neither stunning nor brave. And he should be in jail.
Supadupafly. You know what you did.
Bobjustbob dropping off the radar has really hurt my game.
Assair keeps posting and you A-holes keep encouraging him.
Pope Francis. Keep it in church, padre. He may be infallible in matters concerning the church but his social outlook is disconcerting.
Quentin Tarrentino should just shut the fuck up, already.
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It took forever for any of you turds to recognize my post count accomplishments this year.
I didn't receive nearly enough accolades for my awesome AHOTY, Trolls of Freeones or Troll of the Year, threads.
My *******'s ******** dropped a huge goddamned Star Wars spoiler on me during my ******'s birthday celebration.
Someone I thought was a good friend really let me down in a business matter that I won't get into here.
My ********** is a cunt.
And now, not to get too political, because we try to keep that quarantined but:
I don’t like Bernie Sanders, at all. But I respect him infinitely more than HRC. As much as I disagree with him on policy, I think he's a better person than her. In my heart of hearts, I believe that Hillary Clinton is one of the most soulless, evil people that American politics has seen that will do and say absolutely anything for power. The only reason Hillary’s campaign is being vaguely sustained is because she’s a woman and who she’s married to. If you think I’m being sexist, ask yourself how careful everyone besides Donald Trump and Carly Fiorina are in how they address her, and think about whether anyone else would still be running if they had as many scandals or crimes under their belt as she does. The answer is no, and they’d probably be in prison.
At the Oscars earlier this year, a woman worth $24 million had the bravery to stand up for wage equality in a room full of other exorbitantly wealthy morons that rabidly applauded. If a room full of millionaires is the oppressed class in this country, I guess we’re doing something right.
My beloved Hawkeyes lost to Michigan State. That absolutely devastated me.
Bruce Jenner is neither stunning nor brave. And he should be in jail.
Supadupafly. You know what you did.
Bobjustbob dropping off the radar has really hurt my game.
Assair keeps posting and you A-holes keep encouraging him.
Pope Francis. Keep it in church, padre. He may be infallible in matters concerning the church but his social outlook is disconcerting.
Quentin Tarrentino should just shut the fuck up, already.
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