actually every study i've seen shows that cohabitation first has a far higher rate of divorce. in two studies as much as 80% higher. granted i've only seen three studies. the prevailing argument seems to be the ease at not having to honor the commitment since with living together the byproduct of failure was not near as devastating as divorce. in other words, it was easy to simply say to hell with this. that way of thought carried over into the marriage.
i know it seems to make sense, living with someone, learning their ways and habits before making that commitment. but marriage is way fucking different man. marriage is a blind leap of faith saying hey baby i love you no matter what and will stick by you to the end. there's just not that many people who are able to do that left in the world. i know i'm not one of 'em. thats why i live with my GF but i have no desire to carry it any further.
cohabitation is what i like, but im not so naive to think that the only difference between cohabitation and marriage is a piece of paper. i think thats the problem though. too many folks judge something simply by the surface without digging deeper then suddenly find themselves in a situation they can't handle. marriage is a perfect example of that.
its like oh la di da i'm marrying ken/barbie and a month later its fuck you bitch i say the toilet seat stays up. and a month later its, i'm calling my lawyer. and a year later its like, what do you mean my credit is bad? that divorce was a year ago, you can't refuse to finance this car purchase because of something that happened a year ago! bullshit, they can and will.
cohabitation is not a good test for marriage success, those marriages are capable of failing too. i would have thought the opposite but thats just yet another reason i shouldnt get married. the true test of if your marriage will last is if you are both able to stick by that commitment and sacrifice some personal things along the way to ensure that the union is a happy and stable thing while treating each other with much love and respect. if you can do that, then you're a better man than me. with cohabitation i dont have to sacrifice my personal selfish goals, if she doesnt like it then she'll just have to get over it. try doing that in marriage and see how long it lasts.
i dont agree with marriage, i'm actually very skeptical about it because i dont want to give up that freedom. i know there are some folks on this board who are happily married and hats off to them and i wish you continued success. but i just can't commit myself to something like that. i'm too selfish, i'm too vain, i'm too juvenile. i just know myself well enough to know that right now and anytime in the near future i'd really suck at marriage and would become another divorce statistic.
had i not seen those studies then i would have said yes most definitely cohabitation before marriage. it seems rather obvious, right? apparently it isn't. looking at the results of this poll so far is proof of that as it goes against what actual research has discovered.
