Some sad bastards will try to stick their cocks in anything.
I hope the part cut off from oxygen for however days it took this moron to call the emergency services atrophied so that he can no longer sustain an erection. At least this way his idiocy will go towards helping mankind instead of hindering it as it would have if he was still able to procreate.
"Doc, it was the strangest thing...I was walking in my apartment naked, when I tripped and fell on a two-liter Coke bottle. No, it didn't go in my ass this time..."