I almost made it to the shitter, but...

[~~whimsy~~]

I remember one time on public transportation some old man crapped his pants. I thought it was the white trash looking family across from me, but it turned out to be the old man two seats ahead of me. He got up, brown liquidy goo going down his khaki slacks, got off shamefully. I felt kind of bad. I hate seeing people in situations like that.

Especially an elderly man. Considering he probably done more in his life than the average cunt of today.

 

[PirateKing]

I remember one time on public transportation some old man crapped his pants. I thought it was the white trash looking family across from me, but it turned out to be the old man two seats ahead of me. He got up, brown liquidy goo going down his khaki slacks, got off shamefully. I felt kind of bad. I hate seeing people in situations like that.

Especially an elderly man. Considering he probably done more in his life than the average cunt of today.

Sometimes you gotta swallow that pride and wear those depends.

 

[titsrock]

Next time plug the hole with your finger...just until you get home :hatsoff:

You can get anal warts by taking a shite ANYWHERE other than the safety and seclusion of your own throne :shocked:

The worst thing to do is to go into a Men's room at a bar because someone inevitably will take a huge shit, stink up the joint, and when you leave, say you just went in there to take a piss, you will ALWAYS open the door at the precise moment an incredible goddess walks by, she'll catch a whiff, turn green, and blame you! Then, she'll go back to her friends and they'll laugh at you for the rest of the night...:weeping:

 

[darkwarrior3007]

Best... Thread... Ever!:hatsoff:

 

[HELLRAISER]

I didn't shit my pants yesterday but the exact opposite happened to me. I could barely breathe or walk because I ate too much in a short period of time. I drank on Orange Bang while I ate a whole medium pizza with anchovies and extra tomato sauce and than about an hour later or so I ate a samosa chana which I washed down with a cup of water. Half way through my meal I felt full but I didn't want to stop eating because I hadn't ate samasa with garbanzo beans in a long ass time which I had been craving badly so I kept chowing down.

Soon as I finished eating though, I was in a daze and could barely move but told myself I better stand up and walk instead of sitting in here in agony and get to toilet pronto. So I walked with my bicycle for about 5 blocks which felt like eternity because I was too ill to ride it and I felt like I was going to either puke or pass out at any moment. When I finally got to a public bathroom facility, I had the Hershey Squirts but I was mostly constipated and I still felt like vomiting. I sat on the toilet for a very long time and even after that I still felt horrible and I could barely move so I sat on the stairwell nearby the public restroom I had used and laid down to nap for an hour or so.

Fortunately, I felt much better after my power nap and rode my bike home which was about 12 miles away

 

[rock hard]

I didn't shit my pants yesterday but the exact opposite happened to me. I could barely breathe or walk because I ate too much in a short period of time. I drank on Orange Bang while I ate a whole medium pizza with anchovies and extra tomato sauce and than about an hour later or so I ate a samosa chana which I washed down with a cup of water. Half way through my meal I felt full but I didn't want to stop eating because I hadn't ate samasa with garbanzo beans in a long ass time which I had been craving badly so I kept chowing down.

Soon as I finished eating though, I was in a daze and could barely move but told myself I better stand up and walk instead of sitting in here in agony and get to toilet pronto. So I walked with my bicycle for about 5 blocks which felt like eternity because I was too ill to ride it and I felt like I was going to either puke or pass out at any moment. When I finally got to a public bathroom facility, I had the Hershey Squirts but I was mostly constipated and I still felt like vomiting. I sat on the toilet for a very long time and even after that I still felt horrible and I could barely move so I sat on the stairwell nearby the public restroom I had used and laid down to nap for an hour or so.

Fortunately, I felt much better after my power nap and rode my bike home which was about 12 miles away

:nono: You drank water...think that was your downfall :nono:

Glad you're feeling better though man!! :wave2: :glugglug:

 

[alexpnz]

I was walking home from bar once. I had to shit so bad and there was no way I was making it home. So I was cutting through a park, noticed somebody with a pool and some shirts and towels in the backyard. I hopped their fence, shit in the backyard, cleaned my asshole with the pool water and wiped it all up with their towel.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

Post of the goddamned year so far!:bowdown:

Reminds me of this one time I was at a construction site in Manhattan and with no plumbing yet and I had to take one of those shits that stick out of the top of the water and I just ducked into a poor janitors closet and let fly in one of his garbage buckets and wiped my ass with one of his yellow dusting cloths.

It smelled really bad so I opened a can of his furniture polish and emptied the whole thing in the bucket to try and mask the stink.....it didn't work.

So to that janitor, I'd like to say "sorry Javier, my bad!" :wave2:

Yes, that was his real name.........

 

[sualcalay]

I had a lot of those moments in my life, but never once have I shat in my pants, instead, I grew to understand that I've got some seriously strong bowel muscles. You see, for some screwed up reason, ever since I was a kid, I noticed that I didn't have what it takes to take a shit in a bathroom other than my bathroom (never pooped outside my house until I turned 18 or so). The thought of me sitting in there in a foreign and unknown bathroom literally disgusted me, I never saw how it could happen. So until I was 16 I worked very hard to make sure that I'd only poop in my own house, where I felt comfortable in my bathroom and at peace.
Now, one day, in my eleventh grade, I suddenly get the urge to take a major dump (diarrhea symptons dump, that liquid poop) while still in school and an hour away from classes being over. Being the kind of student that I was (not good, just not a bad one either) I decided to hang out until class started. I managed alright, with pain and that feeling that I was dying little by little...but then when the bell rang I went outside to see if my ride was there...hoping it was I might add, but it wasn't there, and damn I had no intentions of waiting for it. I couldn't even ask my classmates for a ride since they used to go with the school bus and some used to walk home. I lived 30 minutes away from my school (walking distance) it was a pretty quick decision "I'm gonna walk and take every shortcut I know off".

Granted I made it home in time (booya!) but it was one of the most messed up walk home's I've experienced. I almost got ran over twice, and I felt like it wasn't me walking at all, luckily I didn't get mugged (my city's full of crooks) though I didn't really care, if someone asked for money or whatever I would've given it to them in the quarter of a second just so they could let me walk home and shit. That day I felt like a walking zombie.

 

[PlumpRump]

Truth be told, I'm guilty of shitting my pants about 2 or 3 times a year, sometimes publicly, other times not, but I think this story is more entertaning than anything I can tell...



Or, if you prefer the auto-tuned version of the same story, I suggest watching this...

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1921388

 

[Bloodshot Scott]

I had a lot of those moments in my life, but never once have I shat in my pants, instead, I grew to understand that I've got some seriously strong bowel muscles. You see, for some screwed up reason, ever since I was a kid, I noticed that I didn't have what it takes to take a shit in a bathroom other than my bathroom (never pooped outside my house until I turned 18 or so). The thought of me sitting in there in a foreign and unknown bathroom literally disgusted me, I never saw how it could happen. So until I was 16 I worked very hard to make sure that I'd only poop in my own house, where I felt comfortable in my bathroom and at peace.
Now, one day, in my eleventh grade, I suddenly get the urge to take a major dump (diarrhea symptons dump, that liquid poop) while still in school and an hour away from classes being over. Being the kind of student that I was (not good, just not a bad one either) I decided to hang out until class started. I managed alright, with pain and that feeling that I was dying little by little...but then when the bell rang I went outside to see if my ride was there...hoping it was I might add, but it wasn't there, and damn I had no intentions of waiting for it. I couldn't even ask my classmates for a ride since they used to go with the school bus and some used to walk home. I lived 30 minutes away from my school (walking distance) it was a pretty quick decision "I'm gonna walk and take every shortcut I know off".

Granted I made it home in time (booya!) but it was one of the most messed up walk home's I've experienced. I almost got ran over twice, and I felt like it wasn't me walking at all, luckily I didn't get mugged (my city's full of crooks) though I didn't really care, if someone asked for money or whatever I would've given it to them in the quarter of a second just so they could let me walk home and shit. That day I felt like a walking zombie.

That's because you don't have ingenuity. When I have to use a public restroom I get a nice wad of TP and load up the hand sanitizer, then I go to the stall and nuke the seat with my hand sanitizer. My g/f said she hovered, but I was never good at that.

 

[Straight Shooter]

I love this thread :rofl:

 

[JayJohn85]

I give up I write a bitching parody yet turd humour is the only thing appreciated....Bloody north America<rolls eyes>

 

[kewlio65]

The feeling you have after desparately holding onto one in tunnel, is almost as good as taking that piss after you have been holding it in for ages and ages. It is tough to get out whilst you sitting, but damn once it is done you feel ten times lighter and ten times more energetic. I always just take a book and let things flow. Though sometimes you just dont have that time and it is a fine line when you get through the front door to sitting down on the throne. That what sucks when you get home isnt it. You and your body know that you home so you start relxing or get more urgent as you know it's not too far away. Never had an accident since I was a young one. So fingers crossed nothing happens again.

 

[LukeEl]

Maybe you needthese:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/10308/saturday-night-live-oops-i-crapped-my-pants

 

[CadillacD]

I give up I write a bitching parody yet turd humour is the only thing appreciated....Bloody north america<rolls eyes>

Fuckin British <rolls eyes>

 

[simontim]

I remember one time on public transportation some old man crapped his pants. I thought it was the white trash looking family across from me, but it turned out to be the old man two seats ahead of me. He got up, brown liquidy goo going down his khaki slacks, got off shamefully. I felt kind of bad. I hate seeing people in situations like that.

Especially an elderly man. Considering he probably done more in his life than the average cunt of today.

why do i get the feeling it was your dad?

 

[simontim]

Next time plug the hole with your finger...just until you get home :hatsoff:

You can get anal warts by taking a shite ANYWHERE other than the safety and seclusion of your own throne :shocked:

The worst thing to do is to go into a Men's room at a bar because someone inevitably will take a huge shit, stink up the joint, and when you leave, say you just went in there to take a piss, you will ALWAYS open the door at the precise moment an incredible goddess walks by, she'll catch a whiff, turn green, and blame you! Then, she'll go back to her friends and they'll laugh at you for the rest of the night...:weeping:

did that happen to you?

 

[simontim]

I didn't shit my pants yesterday but the exact opposite happened to me. I could barely breathe or walk because I ate too much in a short period of time. I drank on Orange Bang while I ate a whole medium pizza with anchovies and extra tomato sauce and than about an hour later or so I ate a samosa chana which I washed down with a cup of water. Half way through my meal I felt full but I didn't want to stop eating because I hadn't ate samasa with garbanzo beans in a long ass time which I had been craving badly so I kept chowing down.

Soon as I finished eating though, I was in a daze and could barely move but told myself I better stand up and walk instead of sitting in here in agony and get to toilet pronto. So I walked with my bicycle for about 5 blocks which felt like eternity because I was too ill to ride it and I felt like I was going to either puke or pass out at any moment. When I finally got to a public bathroom facility, I had the Hershey Squirts but I was mostly constipated and I still felt like vomiting. I sat on the toilet for a very long time and even after that I still felt horrible and I could barely move so I sat on the stairwell nearby the public restroom I had used and laid down to nap for an hour or so.

Fortunately, I felt much better after my power nap and rode my bike home which was about 12 miles away

sounds like an average day for my fat ass

 

[simontim]

I was walking home from bar once. I had to shit so bad and there was no way I was making it home. So I was cutting through a park, noticed somebody with a pool and some shirts and towels in the backyard. I hopped their fence, shit in the backyard, cleaned my asshole with the pool water and wiped it all up with their towel.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

this man is shame free

 

[simontim]

this one time, my gf and i took her nephew to a toy store. well within 5 min. i had to fart. so i werent a couple of aisles down and was about to let loose wen this mother and her son came around the bend. they just stood there looking at the fucking game boards, the kid couldnt make up his mind. so fuck it, i let loose. loudest fart ever, it was cool though cause it was one of them straight air farts. oh man you should have just seen her face. she looked at me and grab her kid and bolted right out the store. was the funniest moments ever.

:rofl2:

you're lucky she didn't shit in your mouth you nasty man