how about some advice from u freeones visitors

[whalers90]

im dating a girl 9 months (june will be 10 months) and we are perfect for each other.
we have both been looking for a while for the "right" person and we both strongly feel we have found that person in each other.
but recently i have come across access to her email and have looked up to see what emails have been sent to her old BF and the last emails have been sent/received almost 2 years ago but the emails were nude pics & sex type videos to each other. she has never deleted these videos.
she has not sent anything to this clown since we have been together....should i say something asking her to clear out her past before me or will this likely (i know it will) cause a riff between us?
i know she is a smart girl a very smart girl but keeping these old emails is pissing me off.

what are your thoughts?

 

[klies13]

can you share those pics here?

 

[whalers90]

yeah sure ...i'll post the cock pics!!!

 

[klies13]

why not///something is better than nothing.

 

[whalers90]

no i'm not doing that.

 

[Harley Spencer]

If she's not talking to him anymore, and hasn't for a couple years as you said, I'd say don't worry about it, and so long as she hasn't downloaded the photos and videos to her computer and purposefully saved them and is keeping them behind your back. Jealousy of your partner's past is pretty common, we're all guilty of it to one degree or another, but so long as the past stays in the past, there should be no problem.

She may have just forgotten about the emails, and never deleted them prior to you out of sheer laziness. I hardly ever delete my emails unless it's junk, and I'm sure many others are the same way. I wouldn't doubt it if I have emails with nude photos from 5+ years ago, between people I haven't talked to since then, and they're buried in thousands of other emails. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

If it does bother you that much, then just ask her about it. If she gets upset and puts up a fuss about deleting them, then she could be hiding something, but if she loves you and her past is just that, the past, she won't think twice about it. And don't accuse of her anything when you talk about it, such as still having feelings for her ex, because like I said, she could've just forgotten about them, so approach her calmly. How would you feel if you had emails from a girl that you knew years ago and have had no contact with since, and she started yelling at you about it? Getting upset about each other's pasts isn't productive. It's your present and future that's the most important.

 

[whalers90]

i fully agree its laziness...she has 999+ emails in her gmail account. most of the emails are like horoscope junk,weight loss junk, the last contact she had by email is feb 2012.

 

[xfire]

Leave the past alone, forget about what you saw and drop it. You already said you know it's going to cause problems if you bring it up, don't do something you know is stupid. Just the fact that you were going through her stuff says a lot about you. Insecure much? Cheating yourself and projecting your guilt onto her? Maybe you should say something and sabotage the relationship if you're not mature enough to actually be in one.

 

[larss]

Ask yourself this:
If you had erotic pictures of your old girlfriend(s) would you delete them?

 

[whalers90]

Ask yourself this:
If you had erotic pictures of your old girlfriend(s) would you delete them?

i actually have had old erotic pics of girlfriends and have deleted them....way before i met this girl.

 

[RASQ]

im dating a girl 9 months (june will be 10 months) and we are perfect for each other.
we have both been looking for a while for the "right" person and we both strongly feel we have found that person in each other.
but recently i have come across access to her email and have looked up to see what emails have been sent to her old BF and the last emails have been sent/received almost 2 years ago but the emails were nude pics & sex type videos to each other. she has never deleted these videos.
she has not sent anything to this clown since we have been together....should i say something asking her to clear out her past before me or will this likely (i know it will) cause a riff between us?
i know she is a smart girl a very smart girl but keeping these old emails is pissing me off.

what are your thoughts?

first off, you're an insecure asshole. you don't deserve her. What in the fuck gives you the right to her e-mail? you call her ex a clown? lol, you're the fucking clown. I dated a chick that kept nude pics of her and her ex. she at least told me about them, so since i knew she was into that, i told her i wanted nude pics of us and she was happy to obliged, thank the stars i dont have trust issues like you. go ahead and confront her with it and see watch how she dumps your sorry lame ass. what she did in the past with her ex is of no concern of yours, but if the thought of other cocks were in her pussy before you, then you need to leave her alone and break up with her. its too late for you now, you opened pandoras box and now this will forever be on your chest. should have just left things alone and you and her would be great, but nooooooooo, typical insecure man has to know, lol.

 

[bobjustbob]

As said above, you should have never opened up that mailbox. You 2 are not the perfect fit because you found it necessary violate her trust. It's not what you found but how you found it. Live with the guilt

 

[Jagger69]

As said above, you should have never opened up that mailbox. You 2 are not the perfect fit because you found it necessary violate her trust. It's not what you found but how you found it. Live with the guilt

:thumbsup: I would agree with the wisdom of this post. Unless she said, "Here, have access to all of my old emails", you violated her personal privacy. If so, I don't believe that you are secure enough to take this relationship anywhere. A relationship built on a foundation of mistrust is doomed to fail.

 

[himperv203]

I think even if she may have forgotten to delete them you should at least talk to her about it. Just so you 2 are on the same page.

- - - Updated - - -

I think even if she may have forgotten to delete them you should at least talk to her about it. Just so you 2 are on the same page.

 

[Mr_Stiffy]

can you share those pics here?

1st reply, within 3 minutes of the OP. Brilliant.

but recently i have come across access to her email and have looked up to see what emails have been sent to her old BF

MIIIIISTAAAAAAAKE.

will this likely (i know it will) cause a riff between us?

If it does cause a riff, post it. Been ages since I heard any decent jamming.

what are your thoughts?

You're fucked. If you ask her about it, she'll be rightfully pissed off that you went snooping. If you don't ask her, the not knowing will eat you up. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. I know people are saying talk to her about it, but if you do that, You Might as well admit to yourself that it's over, and you're only doing so to alleviate your guilt for looking and to qualm your own irrational fears that she still has something for someone she hasn't communicated with in over 2 years.

so long as the past stays in the past, there should be no problem.

That's the bottom line. Everyone's got baggage, whether they talk about it to each other or not.

As said above, you should have never opened up that mailbox. You 2 are not the perfect fit because you found it necessary violate her trust. It's not what you found but how you found it. Live with the guilt

WHAT BOBS SAID.

I'm a firm believer in the "art of love" with ART standing for Admiration, Respect, Trust, and you need all those things. You obviously don't trust her if you went looking, and if you tell her you went looking, she won't trust you any more. If you haven't got trust, you haven't got anything.

Personally speaking, I'd say admit what you did but knowing it's probably going to be the end of the road, but realistically because the relationship is important to you and you'll want to preserve it, say nothing. Both will eventually cause you pain because this looks like a Kobayashi Maru to me, but if you come clean now you'll get it out of the way rather than wallowing in doubt and mistrust for weeks or months more.



A "Kobayashi Maru" is a no win scenario, if you have the grave misfortune to have never seen Wrath Of Khan.

 

[HappyHapyJoyJoy]

I'm a firm believer in the "art of love" with ART standing for Admiration, Respect, Trust, and you need all those things. You obviously don't trust her if you went looking, and if you tell her you went looking, she won't trust you any more. If you haven't got trust, you haven't got anything.

Personally speaking, I'd say admit what you did but knowing it's probably going to be the end of the road, but realistically because the relationship is important to you and you'll want to preserve it, say nothing.

Personal opinion here?

Everybody has their issues. Some people have trouble trusting for a reason. Often it's because they've been hurt and betrayed in the past. They just can't trust that easily because experience has taught them not to. They can't just forget everything that's happened to them and "deal"... that's just not realistic, which ultimately means they'll make mistakes there, it's going to happen no matter how much they might wish it wouldn't. No matter how much they might want to trust. So if you suggest that trust is required for a relationship... that essentially means that a lot of people are all but ruled out from being in relationships at all. Kick a dog enough and it expects to be kicked. As evolved as we may claim to be, we're still just animals. We give learned responses, and sometimes experience teaches us bad habits.

People who've been hurt tend to need assurance. If they aren't given it, they'll often go out of their way for it. If he doesn't trust his partner there's a reason. Maybe it's his baggage. Maybe she's aloof. Or... maybe she's having an affair, it's all to common that when people suspect their partner is cheating it turns out to be true. But regardless of what the reasons for the lack of trust may be, it doesn't necessarily mean it can't be dealt with if they deal with it together. If he goes to her, tells her what he's done, and they examine the problem.

Was what he did right? No, but that doesn't mean it's not understandable on some level. If they love each other I say he should fess up. He didn't trust her actions, perhaps it's time to trust her to take what he did in stride, and perhaps they should discuss why he did what he did and see if they can't find some way to deal with it. To see if she loves him enough to accept his problems, and help him trust by offering him the reassurances he needs. If he can't do that then likely there's just no reconciling things anyway. He can't trust her actions. He can't trust her to be understanding. They won't be able to work though this. So chances are... if they don't deal with this openly there'll be no progress there. He'll be no closer to trusting her and it will eat him alive and destroy their relationship, if it hasn't been already.

/:2 cents:

 

[Ace Boobtoucher]

My personal opinion is that people should mind their own business and not read other peoples' fucking email. I hope she dumps you so hard you bounce.

 

[klies13]

1st reply, within 3 minutes of the OP. Brilliant.

2nd reply,within 1 minute of the 1st reply.More Brilliant?

 

[RASQ]

 

[bobjustbob]

Sorry Happy Joy but I'll be disagreeing with you. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that as a 40yo dude, we still make mistakes. No need to get too cerebral about it. From this mistake he will have learned that 10 months is not enough time learn everything about someone's entire life. My advice would be to keep his mouth shut and pretend he never looked into the phone. Let the relationship move on and don't do stupid shit like that again. If the jealousy is still an issue then still never NEVER tell her about the phone thing. Any reasonable mature woman would rather have their mate work out their own issues than drag her into a support role over stupid shit.