Hello friends! I'm sharing this excerpt from my novel, "Crave." I'm still in the editing stages and love sharing different pieces of the story. I'm totally open to constructive criticism, especially since I'm still working on it...so, enjoy!
Edgar was late for our evening rendezvous. I peered through the peephole occasionally to see if his car would arrive in my driveway, but it never did. I looked at the clock. 9:21. Supper sat on the stove, cold and unwanted. I didn’t feel hungry. I sighed and gave some of the chicken to my cat, Sousa, who gratefully chewed the pieces down on the kitchen floor. The rest went to the freezer for the next day. Out of boredom, I popped open a bottle of Merlot and sat in front of the fireplace with a cigarette. As I puffed away, I thought again of my midnight visitor. I wondered if he would arrive again tonight. I stared at the flames, watching them twist and dance sensuously against the brick. I hadn’t realized I was leaning forward until heat met my face. I reeled backwards and spewed smoke, unsure of how long I'd been that close to the flames. I touched my eyebrows and eyelids. They were fine. I must have been tired. The glass of Merlot was down to the bottom and my cigarette was stubbed out. I looked back at the clock. 10:02. Had I been asleep? I poured another glass of Merlot and settled back into the couch. Sousa curled under my arm as I lit another cigarette.
The doorbell rang.
I exhaled and curiously sat my lighter on the coffee table. Was that Edgar? He hadn’t called. I was sure he just found something else to do or got lost in his evaluations. He had a habit of doing so. I glanced at the clock again. 10:02. I walked cautiously to the door and looked through the peephole, hoping to find my midnight stranger waiting for me. A blond fellow with a Mohawk was standing on my porch. He must have the wrong place.
I sat back into the couch and flicked my cigarette at the ash tray when the doorbell rang again. I took another drag, set it in the tray, and went back to the door where I greeted the mysterious punk.
“May I help you?” I asked through the screen. I wasn’t about to unlock it for this kid.
His green eyes met mine through the mesh and lace. His shoulders were broad, taking up most of his jean jacket, and his shirt sported some wild design in red and white. His jeans were torn and out of shape like he had rolled around in a garden mower. Red chucks decorated his feet.
“Hyacinth?”
My face turned from curiosity to confusion. “Yes?”
His gaze went soft and he bit his lip. “It’s me – Seth.”
I gasped. I hadn’t seen this guy in years. We had been involved briefly long before I had even gone to grad school. I remember spending hours with him on the phone discussing what our future life together would look like. He was going to move to my town, ask me out, and treat me like a queen. Instead, he befriended an old boyfriend of mine and moved in with him, falling into drugs instead of me. I was so upset, I cut myself for weeks. The scars healed over, but I never forgot those moments where I willed his soul to call me. My shock turned to rage. I glared through the screen.
“You—"
“I honestly can’t tell you why I did wha—"
“YOU HAVE THE NERVE!”
“Hyacinth, please, let me in. I want to make this up to you.”
“It’s been five years. How could you possibly make up for anything at this point?” Tears welled at the edge of my eyes. I couldn’t believe I was already crying over this foolish punk who tried to curb-stomp my heart. I took a step back, thought for a moment, and then bit my lip as I unlocked the screen door. I better not regret this. He quickly followed me into the house and shut out the world behind us. Sousa waltzed up curiously sniffing the air about him. He smelled like spearmint and hibiscus. She shoved her body against his leg and purred obnoxiously into his jeans. Regardless of how cute Sousa was acting, I frowned, crossing my arms over my breasts in frustration. My black silk robe was halfway open, a red and black striped corset peaking from beneath the silk. My legs were bare. I felt exposed and unprepared. This was supposed to be for Edgar, not this asshole.
“So,” I choked. “What the hell brings you here after all this time?”
Seth crossed his arms, shifted on his feet, and then shoved his hand in his pockets. He scratched the back of his scalp with his other hand, shrugged, and said, “I just thought… I should apologize. For everything. It was wrong of me to betray your trust, to leave you standing high and dry without a leg, and to crush your spirit.”
I raised an eyebrow and sneered.
“I’m sorry… I can’t… ever apologize enough. I just thought… maybe…” His voice trailed off into a sob. “I’m just… I’m so sorry, Hyacinth! I can’t say it enough! Forgive me!” His knees buckled and he hit the floor, curling down in front of my toes and reaching for my legs. I swatted his hands and kicked him.
“You goddamn son-of-a-bitch, Seth. I can’t believe you.”
After blubbering for a few minutes, he sat up, wiped his face, and stood up to meet my eyes again. I never left my cold position or my stern expression. I wouldn’t break for him, not after what he did to me. Not after all the lonely nights spent locked in my dorm room hoping he might appear on my doorstep to take me into the night and disappear forever. I couldn’t forgive him for being so indifferent and so unforgiving. Why should I show him any form of forgiveness? What kindness did I owe him, if any at all?
He opened his arms but thought better of it, hanging his head and placing his hands back in his torn pockets. Sousa whipped her tail about and stood near the scene appearing just as confused as I was. I shook my head disdainfully, biting back tears again, hoping this would just end, that I might wake up on my couch from too much wine and put myself to bed. But no matter how hard I bit my lip, the tears didn’t stop and I just wouldn’t wake up. It wasn’t a drunken sleep-coma, it was life, and it was rearing its ugly head in my doorway. The fire crackled, breaking my daze, and I did what I should have done years before.
I slapped him.
My open palm met moist flesh so hard that the sound reverberated off the walls. It vibrated in my arm, sending waves of pain up to my shoulder that caused my jaw to clench. Seth stood shocked, the tears done, his arms up in defense, and his expression a mixture of fear and confusion. Sousa had fled behind the kitchen chairs, peering out from beneath the table. I covered my mouth, appalled at my own response. I wasn’t sure how the hell that would repair a broken relationship, but I felt justified. Seth straightened up, wiped his face, and moved towards me. I jumped back a few inches, preparing for a blow, reaching around for anything that could be used as a blunt defense weapon. I knocked over the antique miniature clock on the stand next to the kitchen door, my desperate hand taking down a picture frame of a steampunk mermaid. Another frame hit the carpet, the sound of it breaking muffled in the tense air. I kept backing up and Seth followed until I hit the hall wall – and then he pinned my lips with his. I raised my arms in protest, groaning against the kiss, but he held them against the wall behind me and pushed the weight of his body against mine.
My eyelids fluttered and I swooned. It was how I had wanted him to kiss me for years. I relaxed my arms and fell into him, trapped between the wall and my desire, not caring for a moment if Edgar might walk in at this moment. This was mine. I was going to treasure it.
Seth ran his fingers up my leg, digging his nails into my hips and squeezing the moans from my lips. I gripped his jacket, pulled at the sleeves, and ran my nails through his Mohawk, finding it surprisingly soft despite its spiky appearance. He sank his teeth into my shoulder, peeling back the silky robe to reveal the tan flesh beneath. I squealed and shoved him.
“This doesn’t make up for anything, you know.” I growled.
He lifted me by my ass and slammed my back into the wall. “I know,” he grunted. “But it means everything.”
He disappeared into my bosom and pumped his pelvis into mine, groaning between kisses and bites. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just can’t control myself.”
I tore his jacket from his shoulders and wrapped my legs around his waist, shoving his head down my chest, down my stomach, and towards my hips. He gratefully devoured every portion of skin I offered him, carelessly tearing my robe and yanking my lace panties open at the crotch. I leaned into the wall, my nose touching the ceiling, feeling a combination of pain, glory, and desire. Seth sank into my silky insides, his tongue plunging between my lips like a ravenous animal. He dug his nails deeper into my hips and I bayed, shoving his head down and gripping his shoulders with my legs. Suddenly, I was on the ground with him above me, tearing his clothes off and tossing them away carelessly while touching every inch of skin possible. My phone rang, but I ignored it, focusing instead on the years of frustration that were about to explode.
I allowed him entrance and he fucked me all over the floor, bumping into furniture and knocking over vases and pictures and anything that was in our way. I yanked my nails across his back while thrusting against him and whispered my hatred into his ear.
“I can’t believe you!”
“You like it…”
“I do… but I still hate you.”
“Hate the fuck out of me.”
Half a decade of hate erupted from me, a relief so bittersweet and satisfying that it hardly compared to this morning’s masturbation. It hardly came close to fucking Edgar. In fact, it wasn’t even on the same level. He played with me a little longer and then shot a load into my bosom, smudging it up my chin and into my mouth. After sucking on his fingers, I pulled him close and rested his head upon my bosom, tracing his ears with my fingers.
“Where are you staying?” I gasped into his ruffled hair.
Seth caught his breath and replied, “Up the road in a motel. Why?”
“Stay tonight. We’ll do this again in ten.”
He laughed into my shoulder, kissed my neck and chin, and licked up the sweat. Sousa trotted towards us and started licking our foreheads. I noticed the fire dying and put the rest of it out with sand. I stared at Seth in the dim light coming from the kitchen.
“Can you forgive me now?” he implored.
“Maybe later. Let’s get in the shower first.”
Without much argument, he followed me up the stairs to the shower where we remained most of the night.
~
Edgar was late for our evening rendezvous. I peered through the peephole occasionally to see if his car would arrive in my driveway, but it never did. I looked at the clock. 9:21. Supper sat on the stove, cold and unwanted. I didn’t feel hungry. I sighed and gave some of the chicken to my cat, Sousa, who gratefully chewed the pieces down on the kitchen floor. The rest went to the freezer for the next day. Out of boredom, I popped open a bottle of Merlot and sat in front of the fireplace with a cigarette. As I puffed away, I thought again of my midnight visitor. I wondered if he would arrive again tonight. I stared at the flames, watching them twist and dance sensuously against the brick. I hadn’t realized I was leaning forward until heat met my face. I reeled backwards and spewed smoke, unsure of how long I'd been that close to the flames. I touched my eyebrows and eyelids. They were fine. I must have been tired. The glass of Merlot was down to the bottom and my cigarette was stubbed out. I looked back at the clock. 10:02. Had I been asleep? I poured another glass of Merlot and settled back into the couch. Sousa curled under my arm as I lit another cigarette.
The doorbell rang.
I exhaled and curiously sat my lighter on the coffee table. Was that Edgar? He hadn’t called. I was sure he just found something else to do or got lost in his evaluations. He had a habit of doing so. I glanced at the clock again. 10:02. I walked cautiously to the door and looked through the peephole, hoping to find my midnight stranger waiting for me. A blond fellow with a Mohawk was standing on my porch. He must have the wrong place.
I sat back into the couch and flicked my cigarette at the ash tray when the doorbell rang again. I took another drag, set it in the tray, and went back to the door where I greeted the mysterious punk.
“May I help you?” I asked through the screen. I wasn’t about to unlock it for this kid.
His green eyes met mine through the mesh and lace. His shoulders were broad, taking up most of his jean jacket, and his shirt sported some wild design in red and white. His jeans were torn and out of shape like he had rolled around in a garden mower. Red chucks decorated his feet.
“Hyacinth?”
My face turned from curiosity to confusion. “Yes?”
His gaze went soft and he bit his lip. “It’s me – Seth.”
I gasped. I hadn’t seen this guy in years. We had been involved briefly long before I had even gone to grad school. I remember spending hours with him on the phone discussing what our future life together would look like. He was going to move to my town, ask me out, and treat me like a queen. Instead, he befriended an old boyfriend of mine and moved in with him, falling into drugs instead of me. I was so upset, I cut myself for weeks. The scars healed over, but I never forgot those moments where I willed his soul to call me. My shock turned to rage. I glared through the screen.
“You—"
“I honestly can’t tell you why I did wha—"
“YOU HAVE THE NERVE!”
“Hyacinth, please, let me in. I want to make this up to you.”
“It’s been five years. How could you possibly make up for anything at this point?” Tears welled at the edge of my eyes. I couldn’t believe I was already crying over this foolish punk who tried to curb-stomp my heart. I took a step back, thought for a moment, and then bit my lip as I unlocked the screen door. I better not regret this. He quickly followed me into the house and shut out the world behind us. Sousa waltzed up curiously sniffing the air about him. He smelled like spearmint and hibiscus. She shoved her body against his leg and purred obnoxiously into his jeans. Regardless of how cute Sousa was acting, I frowned, crossing my arms over my breasts in frustration. My black silk robe was halfway open, a red and black striped corset peaking from beneath the silk. My legs were bare. I felt exposed and unprepared. This was supposed to be for Edgar, not this asshole.
“So,” I choked. “What the hell brings you here after all this time?”
Seth crossed his arms, shifted on his feet, and then shoved his hand in his pockets. He scratched the back of his scalp with his other hand, shrugged, and said, “I just thought… I should apologize. For everything. It was wrong of me to betray your trust, to leave you standing high and dry without a leg, and to crush your spirit.”
I raised an eyebrow and sneered.
“I’m sorry… I can’t… ever apologize enough. I just thought… maybe…” His voice trailed off into a sob. “I’m just… I’m so sorry, Hyacinth! I can’t say it enough! Forgive me!” His knees buckled and he hit the floor, curling down in front of my toes and reaching for my legs. I swatted his hands and kicked him.
“You goddamn son-of-a-bitch, Seth. I can’t believe you.”
After blubbering for a few minutes, he sat up, wiped his face, and stood up to meet my eyes again. I never left my cold position or my stern expression. I wouldn’t break for him, not after what he did to me. Not after all the lonely nights spent locked in my dorm room hoping he might appear on my doorstep to take me into the night and disappear forever. I couldn’t forgive him for being so indifferent and so unforgiving. Why should I show him any form of forgiveness? What kindness did I owe him, if any at all?
He opened his arms but thought better of it, hanging his head and placing his hands back in his torn pockets. Sousa whipped her tail about and stood near the scene appearing just as confused as I was. I shook my head disdainfully, biting back tears again, hoping this would just end, that I might wake up on my couch from too much wine and put myself to bed. But no matter how hard I bit my lip, the tears didn’t stop and I just wouldn’t wake up. It wasn’t a drunken sleep-coma, it was life, and it was rearing its ugly head in my doorway. The fire crackled, breaking my daze, and I did what I should have done years before.
I slapped him.
My open palm met moist flesh so hard that the sound reverberated off the walls. It vibrated in my arm, sending waves of pain up to my shoulder that caused my jaw to clench. Seth stood shocked, the tears done, his arms up in defense, and his expression a mixture of fear and confusion. Sousa had fled behind the kitchen chairs, peering out from beneath the table. I covered my mouth, appalled at my own response. I wasn’t sure how the hell that would repair a broken relationship, but I felt justified. Seth straightened up, wiped his face, and moved towards me. I jumped back a few inches, preparing for a blow, reaching around for anything that could be used as a blunt defense weapon. I knocked over the antique miniature clock on the stand next to the kitchen door, my desperate hand taking down a picture frame of a steampunk mermaid. Another frame hit the carpet, the sound of it breaking muffled in the tense air. I kept backing up and Seth followed until I hit the hall wall – and then he pinned my lips with his. I raised my arms in protest, groaning against the kiss, but he held them against the wall behind me and pushed the weight of his body against mine.
My eyelids fluttered and I swooned. It was how I had wanted him to kiss me for years. I relaxed my arms and fell into him, trapped between the wall and my desire, not caring for a moment if Edgar might walk in at this moment. This was mine. I was going to treasure it.
Seth ran his fingers up my leg, digging his nails into my hips and squeezing the moans from my lips. I gripped his jacket, pulled at the sleeves, and ran my nails through his Mohawk, finding it surprisingly soft despite its spiky appearance. He sank his teeth into my shoulder, peeling back the silky robe to reveal the tan flesh beneath. I squealed and shoved him.
“This doesn’t make up for anything, you know.” I growled.
He lifted me by my ass and slammed my back into the wall. “I know,” he grunted. “But it means everything.”
He disappeared into my bosom and pumped his pelvis into mine, groaning between kisses and bites. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just can’t control myself.”
I tore his jacket from his shoulders and wrapped my legs around his waist, shoving his head down my chest, down my stomach, and towards my hips. He gratefully devoured every portion of skin I offered him, carelessly tearing my robe and yanking my lace panties open at the crotch. I leaned into the wall, my nose touching the ceiling, feeling a combination of pain, glory, and desire. Seth sank into my silky insides, his tongue plunging between my lips like a ravenous animal. He dug his nails deeper into my hips and I bayed, shoving his head down and gripping his shoulders with my legs. Suddenly, I was on the ground with him above me, tearing his clothes off and tossing them away carelessly while touching every inch of skin possible. My phone rang, but I ignored it, focusing instead on the years of frustration that were about to explode.
I allowed him entrance and he fucked me all over the floor, bumping into furniture and knocking over vases and pictures and anything that was in our way. I yanked my nails across his back while thrusting against him and whispered my hatred into his ear.
“I can’t believe you!”
“You like it…”
“I do… but I still hate you.”
“Hate the fuck out of me.”
Half a decade of hate erupted from me, a relief so bittersweet and satisfying that it hardly compared to this morning’s masturbation. It hardly came close to fucking Edgar. In fact, it wasn’t even on the same level. He played with me a little longer and then shot a load into my bosom, smudging it up my chin and into my mouth. After sucking on his fingers, I pulled him close and rested his head upon my bosom, tracing his ears with my fingers.
“Where are you staying?” I gasped into his ruffled hair.
Seth caught his breath and replied, “Up the road in a motel. Why?”
“Stay tonight. We’ll do this again in ten.”
He laughed into my shoulder, kissed my neck and chin, and licked up the sweat. Sousa trotted towards us and started licking our foreheads. I noticed the fire dying and put the rest of it out with sand. I stared at Seth in the dim light coming from the kitchen.
“Can you forgive me now?” he implored.
“Maybe later. Let’s get in the shower first.”
Without much argument, he followed me up the stairs to the shower where we remained most of the night.
~
