Hey freeones:
I'll bet there are a bunch of us who have experienced ********* crush's (yes i'm one of them). Before I get into this, please know that I have no intention or reconnecting with mine which is kind of what makes this interesting IMO.
I recently asked a friend of mine working for a certain organization in a certain state to check up on my old crush with whom I had a mixed history. She was the only person I grew up with who like myself, wasn't white and we shared this strange sort of bond until we hit our teens. I feel deeper into a hole of depression and it was really a miserable time in my life (see I'm sort of one of those nerds that grew up to marry the beautiful women, get the good education - the job, buffed up at the gym etc...And most girlies think I'm a pretty good looking dude) I want from plaid flannel to Brooks Bros and Armani on the weekends etc... My wife has long known about my troubled past and my crush and she loves me for me and that’s what’s important...I found my soulmate in my wife so there are no second thoughts here.
She was the quintessential girl next door - in fact, she even lived next door - the kinds of stuff movies are made of yes??? So anyway I was too shy to talk to girls back then, (dammit!!!) and my outcast image didn't help - so when I finally worked up the nerve to ask her out, she dissed me and I can’t remember seeing her much after that. She started treating me like a loser and soon was going after the bad boys - i guess in an attempt to get out of town.
Long story short, I've held on to this memory for over a decade. I've got everything I thought I ever wanted, and I worked my ass off for it - but I still can't shake the memory. I held her on a pedestal and we shared a common ***** - to get out of that miserable town and succeed in life. To this day I can close my eyes and remember the longing I saw in hers - to be someone, anything than what she was.
I found out last night that she'd been the victim of repeated domestic ********, battery etc...that she was married, possibly with **** and now shacked up in a small apartment on the wrong side of the tracks with a restraining order against her bf or husband (there's at least two of them messing with her). My source put it bluntly, when you ***** with dogs you get fleas.
Anyway, I'm glad I did this, because I can now remember her for who she is, rather than who she could have been and who I thought she could have been which will in turn, might help me let go of a pretty shitty *********
*********.
The problem I'm having now is this - I feel deep compassion despite the fact that she made her own descisions, you cant save them all etc... But she was better then this, and I was in no position at the time to tell her. I wish I had and thats my only regret. Maybe things would have been different. I dont want to beat myself up over this because it runs counter to my original motive which was to bury this thing in the first place.
She pushed me twice - once in a pond, once into a sandpit- so I must be the biggest shmuck on the planet - I'm sitting here upset that she fell and I wasn't there to catch her.
Sheesh!!!
I'll bet there are a bunch of us who have experienced ********* crush's (yes i'm one of them). Before I get into this, please know that I have no intention or reconnecting with mine which is kind of what makes this interesting IMO.
I recently asked a friend of mine working for a certain organization in a certain state to check up on my old crush with whom I had a mixed history. She was the only person I grew up with who like myself, wasn't white and we shared this strange sort of bond until we hit our teens. I feel deeper into a hole of depression and it was really a miserable time in my life (see I'm sort of one of those nerds that grew up to marry the beautiful women, get the good education - the job, buffed up at the gym etc...And most girlies think I'm a pretty good looking dude) I want from plaid flannel to Brooks Bros and Armani on the weekends etc... My wife has long known about my troubled past and my crush and she loves me for me and that’s what’s important...I found my soulmate in my wife so there are no second thoughts here.
She was the quintessential girl next door - in fact, she even lived next door - the kinds of stuff movies are made of yes??? So anyway I was too shy to talk to girls back then, (dammit!!!) and my outcast image didn't help - so when I finally worked up the nerve to ask her out, she dissed me and I can’t remember seeing her much after that. She started treating me like a loser and soon was going after the bad boys - i guess in an attempt to get out of town.
Long story short, I've held on to this memory for over a decade. I've got everything I thought I ever wanted, and I worked my ass off for it - but I still can't shake the memory. I held her on a pedestal and we shared a common ***** - to get out of that miserable town and succeed in life. To this day I can close my eyes and remember the longing I saw in hers - to be someone, anything than what she was.
I found out last night that she'd been the victim of repeated domestic ********, battery etc...that she was married, possibly with **** and now shacked up in a small apartment on the wrong side of the tracks with a restraining order against her bf or husband (there's at least two of them messing with her). My source put it bluntly, when you ***** with dogs you get fleas.
Anyway, I'm glad I did this, because I can now remember her for who she is, rather than who she could have been and who I thought she could have been which will in turn, might help me let go of a pretty shitty *********
*********.
The problem I'm having now is this - I feel deep compassion despite the fact that she made her own descisions, you cant save them all etc... But she was better then this, and I was in no position at the time to tell her. I wish I had and thats my only regret. Maybe things would have been different. I dont want to beat myself up over this because it runs counter to my original motive which was to bury this thing in the first place.
She pushed me twice - once in a pond, once into a sandpit- so I must be the biggest shmuck on the planet - I'm sitting here upset that she fell and I wasn't there to catch her.
Sheesh!!!
