Cheating Boyfriend - second chance?

[vegasbadboy702]

Hmmm....

Well as stated above there is the proverbal "Once a cheater...."

The reality is that you generally only sneak around if there is something to hide or you are embarrased about what you are doing. Now generally when you use the term girlfriend it implies mongomy but in theory a guy can have several girlfriends at once. As the people above stated, it would depend on whether you had talked or it was implied you were both going "steady" if you will.

With that said, if you are dating a girl, even if you arent steady per se, it makes no sense to keep logging in to adult dating sites looking for new dates. Also if you have these feelings now, it will take a lot of work from him to make them go away. I know I sure would not want to have to "track" my partner all the time, thats no way to have a relationship. The fact that you only like him 60-75% of the time may be an indicator that while you have some interest, it might not be the guy to get into a long term thing with until you are more certain that is what you want.

 

[CunningStunts]

Here's the thing... if you take him back, he will know that he has a free pass, and you will forgive him for anything. And you will be basically saying to yourself "I'm not worthy of someone staying faithful to me."

So ask yourself, do you deserve a guy who would cheat on you several times? Or do you deserve more?

I think you know the answer...

Cheers and good luck!

 

[Fresno]

Once a cheat always a cheat, don't do it girl. He will only brake your heat again!

 

[bigbadbrody]

Fresno was once caught cheating on his Boyfriend LOL

 

[whatshisname]

Depends. If you've sat down and had a talk about being exclusive, and he has no right to see anyone else, then lose him. He'll do it again, if you've never had that talk, he's not cheating...but neither would you be!

Yeah, that's it. The fact that he calls you his girlfriend doesn't automatically mean it's exclusive, especially if you've only been dating for 3 months. As I recall from my dating days, the exclusivity conversation is a big deal; you don't get to escape it just by assuming the relationship is exclusive. So if you haven't had that conversation (and if you really do want it to be exclusive), then have the conversation now and make sure he understands.

If you have had that conversation already, then he is clearly in the wrong. I would have said to give him a second chance, but since he cheated on his last gf, this was his second chance, so dump him.

Or...

My standard response to this is to start an open relationship. You guys should both be allowed to see other ppl.

Yeah, that one works for Isobel because she likes it that way. Plus which, if the guy actually doesn't like it that way, I'm sure he will very quickly regret having cheated on her, when he sees how much she likes it and who likes it with her. So if you're like her, then go for it.

But if you don't like it that way, that solution won't work. If he's dating other girls because he wants to, and you're dating other guys just to make him jealous, then you're putting yourself at a disadvantage, and you're wasting a lot of your time dating guys you don't particularly want to date. Even if he ends up begging you to be exclusive again and then never cheats after that, the relationship will be built on a rotten foundation. At least I would never want that kind of relationship: I just don't think manipulation is consistent with a relationship of love and trust.


BTW Isobel, I think the "Location" on your profile needs to be updated.

 

[lundyman]

kick him to the curb

 

[georges]

get rid of that guy, he is not worth your confidence.

 

[Brunettes_Rule]

Give him the boot! If you cannot trust him shit can him.

 

[whatshisname]

My standard response to this is to start an open relationship. You guys should both be allowed to see other ppl. lol

Yeah, that one works for Isobel because she likes it that way. Plus which, if the guy actually doesn't like it that way, I'm sure he will very quickly regret having cheated on her, when he sees how much she likes it and who likes it with her.

Actually, I take back that last part. If he's the jealous type, and if he has any imagination at all, he'll regret it even before she does anything -- because, come on, look at her! And as soon as she realizes he's the jealous type, she'll dump him immediately (for his benefit as well as hers, really, since the alternative is to spend years torturing him).

If he's not the jealous type, maybe he won't care. So WTH everyone's happy.


I think if I were single I'd want an open relationship, but then I probably wouldn't take advantage of it, and my gf would. Which is fine, except that people would think I'm a loser. But fuck them! Who is better off, a guy whose gf sees other guys and he doesn't care, or a guy whose gf is faithful but he always worries that she won't be? I think the first guy is the lucky one.

 

[LBP 76]

You honestly don't know what to do?

Just save yourself the trouble and get 'please emotionally use me' tattooed on your forehead now.

Dump him.

 

[sumoftheexcess]

Agreed. It's last call for the train to splitsville. Only time will tell if a cheater has reformed but for now it's not worth all the pain. I think he's already justified the whole thing in his head and is only working on placating you until he scores somewhere else.

 

[Sicario]

Any thoughts?

I have been dating this guy for three months. (new rel.) We spend every weekend together and it's been really nice. I've seem to like him only 60-75% of the time but in the last few days I began to feel alot closer. He introduces me to everyone as his gf which made me happy. He is a super geek which takes some getting used to but its been a nice change too.

Now last night I just found out that he kissed two different chics in a bar one month ago, while I was away on vacation for three nights. (So we had been seeing each other for 8 weeks by this point) :crying:

What bothers me is that he didn't stop at one chic and feel any guilt, he even went on and did it again with a second girl - tried to get them home/failed. Then he text ed them both for dates a few days later. What also bothers me is that the second I'm outta town, he went for it, straight to a bar and full steam ahead.

It all came out because I asked a few questions after he mentioned he had planned lunch with 'a friend'. I asked more about this friend, where they met etc. He told me that he met her while he was dating me, initially thought there was something there with this girl, but now realizes that there isn't and he is not attracted to her so they have stayed friends and do lunch sometimes and that lately he has become alot closer to me/wants me. <rolls eyes>

He knew I was getting suspicious of him, so he fessed up to kissing those two girls in a bar while I was away. It seems like 'lunch girl' may have been one of them.

I asked him if he ever cheated on his ex gf and he said yes. Great. Bad pattern developing here.

I've noticed he also logs into an adult dating site once a month. Not cool.

He said he knows he needs to redeem himself and win back my trust and that he will do all sorts of things to do it. So far this morning he has deleted all dating applications on Face-book etc. then emailed me before he went to lunch to say he was going alone lol.

Anyway, I am super wary. I have spelled out exactly what I expect in a rel, and I like to give everyone a second chance but I am wary of wasting time and getting deeper and getting hurt.

Makes it a bit more complicated that its real early days - when we're all usually establishing how we feel about someone.

You should definitely give him a second chance if you have no self respect and/or esteem. Why the hell not? he sounds like a prize catch to me. :lovecoupl

 

[tubuler]

Men just haven't evolved to be monogamous. We're sexually social animals. It's not our fault. It's our brain chemistry. When our dick gets hard our brain shuts off. See, it's scientifical.

 

[Sherlock_Holmes]

Easy question, dump him immediately.

 

[jedi007gotham]

I know some here won't like this comment but once a cheater, always a cheater... forget the guy

 

[BlueBalls]

Come on baby, I know I messed up but give me a second Chance, please........

 

[Becks...poamr]

Dump him and be sure to tell him why.

 

[gunslingingbird]

So whatever happened to the original poster? Has anyone heard back from her?

 

[ChefChiTown]

So whatever happened to the original poster? Has anyone heard back from her?

I was thinking the same thing. Maybe she gave that dickbag a second chance.

 

[Sierra]

lol - yeh here I am back again, I couldn't log in cause I was with the cheater most of the weekend and at work on Saturday - work would probably block this site.

Thanks for all your comments. I have alot to think about and read over. And no we never had the exclusivity talk - nothing was every discussed about not dating others - *but* I assumed we must have been exclusive if he was referring to me as his 'girlfriend' and was spending the entire of every weekend with me. :s


Anyway, the latest, basically he met up with me and my friends on Friday night, i was surrounded by hot guys when he arrived. One of them even asked me out to dinner and asked for my number right in front of the 'cheater'. Nice ego boost for me

So Saturday while I was at work the cheater cleaned my room, folded all my clothes, took my sheets home, washed and dried them, made me lunch when I got back from work. Took me out to a nice dinner Saturday night. Made my housemate and I brunch on Sunday, totally madeover my garden all of Sunday - weeding, mowing, sweeping, cleaning, planted my hibiscus, cleared all the crap - looks totally awesome. Then made me dinner and dessert back at his place on Sunday night.

I felt very suffocated and very 'meh' the entire weekend, so tonight I told him I was going home and that I don't want anymore contact with him until Friday.

I need some space and time to think.

Then he texted me basically saying that when I walked away just now it landed on him like a tonne of bricks and although it hurts, he know its good beacuse it has to be him that bears the pain. etc etc.


So yeh whatever, I just need time to think and feel and figure out whether I even like this guy anyway.

Thanks alot for all your comments, given me something to think about. I appreciate it.